I am willing to live in the uncertain moment and focus on the now, not yesterday’s now or tomorrow’s now.
“So if we are to make changes in our lives we must be courageous. Such courage can be found relatively easily in two kinds of situations. When we are certain that the new situation in which we shall find ourselves will bring us every advantage and happiness.
- When we are certain that the situation we are leaving is totally and absolutely bad.
2. Thus, if the new situation promises perfection, or if the old situation is totally imperfect, we have certainty, and, if there is one thing you crave when you are depressed, it is certainty.”
Copyright(c) Breaking the Bonds –Dorothy Rowe
“The only certainty that I have today is that if I want to free myself from the attachment that I have to sadness, I must be willing to risk giving up the certainty that my life will always remain the same. I know that it is only by living with some uncertainty, that my life can be lived with any hope.” Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days.
My own experience with depression plus the fear that my depression pain would always be with me, had me totally imprisoned. In fact, it was this fear which got me motivated to change – to do anything that could release me from its deadly clutches. I didn’t have a clue why I wanted to sleep all the time, sudden loss of memory, unable to concentrate, thinking hopeless thoughts, always wanting to sleep and a rapid weight loss. I felt that I had fallen into some deep and dark pit.
I was no longer my “happy go lucky self.” Always positive and upbeat. Always feeling confident. And then, the fog began to settle in on my life. My mind was like it was made out of cotton. Also, like many people who suffer the same as myself, the symptoms are all pretty much the same, and with different intensities. And for some, the painful and hopeless feelings of depression can be a real life threatening situation. That is why I write this BLOG, to give others hope that they too don’t have to go it alone. We, the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous are here to help. You are not alone!
In time, all I wanted to do after a days work, was to come home and go to bed. I was beginning to feel more and more isolated as my world became uninteresting and without appeal. All the pleasant things and activities which in the past had energized me, had all lost their power to lift my spirits. I felt paralyzed. And worthless.
In a short period of time, I grew frightened as to what my life was becoming as I grew more and more isolated. Since I didn’t know what I had I didn’t really know what to do.
I got motivated. I walked everyday. Five miles. Every day. No change came right away. Then those insidious thoughts such as “you are losing your mind, ” or “you’re going crazy. You have a brain cancer which is making you feel sad, hopeless and helpless.”
After many months, and many miles, I felt that the mental fog and physical pain was gradually disappearing until one day I realized that I began to feel like my old self , with hope and the old familiar upbeat feeling that I had always lived with. My first thought when this happened, the fog lifting, I told myself “this won’t last.” And I was right. It didn’t. But I kept on walking and the fog completely disappeared over time. I was free once again. It was like a night and day experience all bundled up together in my brain. Finally, with work, time and talking to the fellowship members of Depressed Anonymous, I found the necessary tools to keep me from relapsing. And now, others are learning how they too can follow our path and get the relief and the answers they need to work their way out of depression.
You can read more of my own thoughts about how to leave the prison of one’s own depression in DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS, 3rd edition. (2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.