I’ve finally found how to live. I guess you could say it was pretty much a round -about- way. Surprisingly, it all came about with my face to face struggle with the dark forces of depression. Included in these waves of darkness appeared the demons of shame, guilt, fear and isolation. All these foes of serenity and happiness entered through the door of my life and settled in. I was imprisoned. It took all my energies to mobilize my will to even get out of bed in the morning.
I reached down deep into my soul and made a commitment to myself and to my wanting to live. I discovered a “power greater than myself” in a belief that told me that I could free myself from this strong attachment to sadness and despair. I moved my body. I began to force myself to get up and walk. Almost like Jesus telling the man paralyzed from birth to get up, take up his mat and walk. And that is what I did. I got out of bed and started walking.
Later I realized that I had put a goal into my life. I had a purpose. It wasn’t some grandiose plan to free myself from the demons of fear–it was a simple action that put meaning in my life. I lived every day with a purpose to survive whatever had me by the throat.
“I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.” That was Step Two of the Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous. That was the moment I made a decision to trust that the God of my understanding would give me back my life. This is indeed what happened.
As it states in our Manual, ” We found God does not make too hard terms with those who speak seek its guidance. To us, the realm of the spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, and never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek it. It is open, we believe to all men and women.
We believe that to be conscious is to have been able first of all to listen to someone or something that expresses God’s desire to free us from the misery as soon as we are willing to turn our minds and our wills over to it. Somewhere along the way, we were convinced that that the only safe way to make this life bearable and predictable was to continually sadden ourselves, withdraw into our little shell and make sure that our own small world was completely under our control. It was a perfect little world, this world of ours. It was dark, gloomy and painful, but at least we knew what we had. It is this predictableness that makes life inescapably hell for all of us, even though we’d rather have this than the total surprise of living.”
Scott Peck, in his best selling book, The Road Less Traveled makes the statement in the first sentence of his book “That life is unpredictable.” Yes, life is definitely unpredictable. That is what can make it an adventure of discovery instead of completely removing all spontaneity and joy because of our being imprisoned in that small, painful, and ongoing total isolation of depression.
Break free! Push on! In time you too will live and enjoy the daily adventure of living life. Be surprised by the daily joys of living life!
SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pg. 97.
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