I make a decision today to read one of the newsletters listed at the Newsletter Archives on this website (www.depressedanon.com.) or the BLOGS from the past week.
“Psychiatrists regard a person’s statement, ‘I can’t make a decision’ as a symptom of an illness, when really it is a reasonable effective defense…if you are trying to shut out all the matters which you find uncontrollable, threatening and confusing, you cannot give those matters the careful scrutiny they need if you are to make a decision about them. They create such turmoil in our mind that you decided that it is best to not decide. You can say ‘I am depressed. I cannot make my decision.’ Spending the day with the blanket over your head is as much a result of a decision as is going out and facing the world.
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
Most times when I am depressed, I don’t want to think about changing anything. Everything is hopeless and useless anyway so why try and use all that mental energy to sort it all out. This is the type of thinking that continues the fuzziness and the confusion. It is a refuge from having to do something. about where I am today.
But when I decide that I’ve had enough, I get my dander up and declare to myself, and really to the world around me, that I am going to play my cards differently. This is a good place to begin working on the Fourth Step, that “I will make a fearless and moral inventory of myself.”
God help us change what needs to be changed today and let us know what it is and what is OK with us as well. Help us sort out the fog and fuzziness of our mind so that your guidance will create in us a desire to help ourselves.”
SOURCES: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. February 7th.
Depressed Anonymous , 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
I’ll do it when I feel better. (2018) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
I know that I can be forgiven.
“Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all around forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
In Step 5 we really get serious about our life and our thirst for freedom. It is especially evident when we work this step that a new spirit of freedom penetrates the very fiber of our being. I know that it is when I look myself in the face, list and spell out each and every fault/defect that keeps me locked into my prison of depression. I can say with all truth and humility that I am more free now than I have ever felt in my life because of my working the Fourth and Fifth Steps. I am learning that what it takes to be set free from our painful past is the total honesty in speaking about it.
I gain forgiveness by giving it. When I release my anger or revenge toward another human being I am then free.
God, please release in us our need to hang onto our guilt and anger. Cast your light on our pain and let us find peace. (Personal comments).
SOURCE: (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. pg 129.
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY
(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2009) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
To order ONLINE please VISIT THE STORE at this site.
I will make a moral and fearless inventory of my life and devote myself to the truth about myself so that I might be able to admit my powerlessness over my past so that I might love myself today.
“Accepting yourself can mean resolving the grief left over from earlier years. Say you have lost somebody – or even something – and you were not able to show your grief, perhaps not even to admit it to yourself. There is nothing brave or wise in denying grief, in pretending that that you feel no pain or anger or sorrow.”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
So often I have heard of the various stages of grief. For me to begin to work my way out of grief, I must go through these various stages of grieving. There is no fast way to grieve and it is an essential part of letting go of that which I have lost. One of the initial stages of grief is the shock of the loss of a love object and the need I have to believe that it will reappear again soon.
I have to get in touch with those who left me years earlier in my life and I never knew how to grieve their passing or even that I needed to grieve. I have many years of blocked up energy in my body as in the form of unresolved grief, anger, sadness and a general unease about myself. Somehow all these feelings from the past are like seeds that are trying to bear good fruit. If left to themselves and never able to yield their fruit they fester inside me and continually keep me agitated, depressed and afraid.
God, lead us with the pillar of fire at night and the cloud by day as we move into the Promised land where we with those who have surrendered their wills to you, continue to recover and live with the belief that you will not desert us. You are my food, the manna for my journey through these lean times.
SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 19.
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. (See Step 4).
One of the activities that you might think about is something that you found fun or pleasurable before your present depression. You might give this activity some thought and then write down this activity with any other fun things that comes to your attention. After a while, I think you will find that there are many things that you could do when you are feeling especially low. At a time when I was especially feeling a total lack of energy I would go and lie down –why fight the fatigue? But then I learned that if I would reject the thought of lying down and instead interest my attention in an activity such as typing on my computer that I found my energy coming back. The thought that I was too tired to do anything disappeared in a short while. Weird, but it works!
Also, as for planning pleasurable activities, you might want to start listening to the way you talk to yourself. Try to speak words to yourself as if you were talking to a guest in your home. Talk out loud if you wish – hear yourself say kind things to yourself. For once, say something good about yourself instead of listening to all those old negative tapes that always made you feel you’d be better off dead. Or else be someone else. You get the idea.
When you start listing your strengths as part of your Fourth Step Inventory, list all the good things that you like about yourself. (See the Depressed Anonymous Workbook). With every negative statement about yourself don’t allow yourself another statement about yourself until you are able to replace it with three positive statements. I mean. let’s be fair and balance this thing out. I know that you might feel a bit uncomfortable about prizing yourself, but give it a try anyway. One of the best ways to make sure you will have a pleasurable activity today is to plan for it the day before and then placing it on your calendar for the next day. Don’t say you will do it “when I feel better,” as you and I both know, we don’t usually do anything, no matter what we tell ourselves. I think we have all heard the saying “have a nice day unless you have made other plans.” A lot depends on our attitude. If this isn’t enough, just know that Abraham Lincoln said that we are all about as happy as we make up our minds to be. What do you think?
SOURCE: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 43-45.