I know that nothing is so hard for me that I cannot endure it.
“Depression is an attempt to shore up the splintering, brittle timbers, an attempt to catch on to something solid as you fall into the abyss.
Once you have shored up some brittle structure or have placed your feet on a fragment of rock, you dare not move lest what little safety you have crumble.” (3)
I was afraid to change anything in my life because I thought that this feeling of fear that I have most of the time would devour me and I would lose my mind. I am always terrified that I will lose my mind. I will not lose my mind and go crazy when I am feeling all alone. My safety lies in the fact that I no longer want to sad myself. I want to get better, and I do this best when I let go of my fear of change, or my anger, and start to look at myself. By facing my fears, I can be free and happy. I do feel that I am feeling a new hope grow inside of me as I gain more courage in facing my sadness.
So often my mind came up with all sorts of terrible images. There is the image of the swamp, and I am walking knee deep in it. There is the image of the prison and I am sitting in isolation and complete darkness. There is the image of being surrounded by glass walls. I see everything around me, but no one ever sees or hears me and I do not hear them. This is and has been the abyss of my depression.
We are trying to live just for today. We want to live only in these 24 hours today.
SOURCE; Higher Thoughts for down days. Page 192. September 26.