The following is a continuation of yesterday’s article, A VICTIM IN MY OWN MIND,#9 of the Personal stories contained in Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, pages 120-121.
“Depression was something that I grew up with. I really had no idea that I had it until my senior year in college. It started with my parent’s divorce and ended with me totally losing control over everything in my life. I couldn’t decided what career I wanted, but hated every job I could think of. I couldn’t decide what city or state to live in, so I kept moving, hoping that the next place I lived in would make me happy. Eventually, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to live or die. I cried at the drop of a hat, but still found enough rage inside to push the people I loved far away from me as possible.
I knew that I needed help. I had been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being like this. I wanted a life and I wanted to be happy. Every week, someone would notice a change in me, but I felt the same. Then one day while watching TV(thinking thoughts at 100mph), it occurred to me that I was making myself miserable…(See yesterdays BLOG 11/16 )
I’m slowly finding out that my life is not as horrible as I’ve made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again — and that simply is not true.
Yes, my past was horrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me. There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what they wish their life could be like — so do it! Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind anymore. I’m more than ready for the good things! With love and hope.”
SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.