Most days we just want to go to our room, lie down and sleep.

 

“… listen to that small  voice,  folks – this is the voice that has been trying to be heard for years, only other negative voices and our own old negative mental tapes have had  more training in getting their message across. Now that small voice, that little part of you that wants to have light and some hope is getting up the  courage to ask more for itself. It tries to get stronger as  it attempts to outshine those other parts of ourselves; those parts that have been telling us how trapped we are in our feelings of worthlessness. How often do people say that part of them  wants to do this and yet another part of them wants to do that. I believe that is the best expression of the conflict that goes on in many of us when we are depressed. Usually the part that is hurting and sad speaks the loudest and so often gets the  most attention  – but why not? It’s hurting. When that part of us gets hurt , it wants to withdraw–to hide and cry. It’s like a small child who wants to run away from all the anguish and disappointment. But inside of us when the  parts are struggling with each other, it’s like two teams pulling in a tug of war, and that takes energy to keep alive. We get worn out as we continually ruminate about how sad we are feeling and how hopeless everything looks.  Most days we just  want to go to our room, lie down and sleep. Have you noticed that the more depressed you become, the more sleep you need or don’t need? There is that constant jittery feeling that won’t go away and whichever reminds us of the hollowness of our lives. The life we live is as bitter as ashes in our mouths.”

COMMENT: How often have I heard that small voice amplified by the many hopeful voices at our Depressed Anonymous meetings. In our literature you can read  and reflect  upon those  voices of hope as they express the new life that they are now  living because of their working the Steps–doing positive things for themselves and learning new ways to dig themselves  out of the pit of depression.

The experience of depression and ruminating about how awful our lives are, presents us with   a one way street.  It’s said that “whatever won’t kill you, will make you stronger.”  I get that.  I found that my year long struggle with depression, and my ultimate  recovery from its deadly grip, definitely made me stronger.  Now I have chosen multiple ways to live my life. I walk more, my exercise is steady – not just now and them. I read all the 12 Step  literature that I can. Go to meetings. I write a BLOG for this website and visit with the many persons who come here and seek our help. I also have a sponsor who walks with me in my recovery life. Tis is a strength that provides me hope for the journey. I am busy doing those things which now has become a passion for my life–helping all those who are still “suffering  from depression.”

As in the past, there was only one road to take. On that road all I could hear was the voice of despair and hopelessness ringing in my head. Now I have a myriad of roads that I can take, all of which continue to lead me to serenity and hope.

VISIT THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS BOOKSTORE Where you too can find the roads which will lead you to hope and serenity. Also, there you will meet the many fellow travelers  who, like yourself, are making the journey.

 

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SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (1998, 2008, 2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.  Page 33.

SPEED BUMPS

What is a speed bump?  A speed bump  is simply a slight rise in the pavement to alert car drivers to slow down. Most of the speed bumps can be found  in residential areas/ neighborhood streets.  In some areas they are marked with yellow stripes .Depending on the necessity for motorists to drastically cut their speed, these bumps  are built with more height and force the motorist to come to almost a stop  to prevent  damage being done  to one’s vehicle.

I find the speed bump to be a metaphor for my own experience with  symptoms of depression. I do know that as my symptoms grew more in kind and strength I gradually reduced my activities.  My mind  was filled with obstacles which grew larger and more formidable as time went on. I found myself sitting alone and stalled. I found my personal speedometer registering 10mph instead of the normal 50mph.  The more I perceived  the speed bump ahead, rising out of the ground like a brick wall, I knew that I couldn’t  go any further. I was like the sail boater on the lookout for any breeze to get me moving again.

No matter how hard I tried to get over the bump,  I kept telling myself it was a  hopeless task. There was no way to get over  it.  I felt helpless. I kept telling myself that I might as well just stay where I was and so I shut off the engine. It was like I was terrified with fright. I thought of a thousand options but none of them appeared manageable.  I just believed my situation  was useless.

Well, this metaphor doesn’t end there because I am no longer helpless. In my real world I thought, I’ve got a serious problem here ( symptoms of depression: fatigue, anger, feeling worthless ) all of which I have to deal with. So, I admitted that I was powerless over my depression and that my life was unmanageable. (Step One of Depressed Anonymous). And then “came to believe that a power greater than ourselves  could restore us to sanity.” (Step Two of Depressed Anonymous) Then I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God as I understand God. (Step Three of Depressed Anonymous).

If your speed bump keeps you from moving in life know that many of us have been there like you. There is a solution, and    just begin to believe that you are NOT l alone. It really helps to know that you  can join our fellowship and find hope. Been there, done that!