We will learn that there is a God who is supposed to love us and take care of us, but we are afraid to let go of who we believe we are, or what we feel we have to be. Trust is something that we have given up a long time ago. Trust is hard for us, especially when we feel that life, people and our circumstances have completely let us down. For so long now unpleasant feelings have led us to believe that we have no right to happiness, now or in the future. We have grown up with a sense of suspicion of those around us who appear happy and satisfied with life. Instead we find it safer to back away from too much involvement with other people, because they would see how bad we really are if they got to know us and then our secret would be out. We don’t ever know what “normal” feels like, because we constantly feel so hollow and empty inside.”
Sources: I’ll do it when I feel better. (1986, 2013) Depressed anonymous publications. Louisville.
Depressed Anonymous, 2nd edition. (1998, 2008) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
I’m slowly finding out the my life is not as horrible as I’ve made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again – and that simply is not true. Yes, my past was horrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me. There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what they wish their life could be like – so do it! Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or my mind anymore. I’m more than ready for the good things! With love and hope!
SOURCE: A member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. You can find more of her story in the PERSONAL STORIES section of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 120-121.
NOTE: For more literature resources please VISIT THE STORE at our site WWW. DEPRESSEDANON .COM.
THE THIRD WAY TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION : AN EXCERPT
“We trust others by sharing our recent episodes of loss/sadness while at the same time sharing our hopes and strengths. We trust our newfound positive beliefs for getting ourselves out of the prison of depression.
Many of us won’t allow ourselves to trust anyone. We are so distrustful of ourselves that we cannot trust ourselves to feel. The painful hollowness of depression is such that we can’t allow it to be felt. It is only among our brothers and sisters in the 12 step group that we can share our hurts and deep pain of being isolated. When we hear other members share their stories of hurt and isolation we know that we are not alone. We gradually begin to trust ourselves to touch our own nerves of pain and hurts. We trust the nurturing and accepting atmosphere of the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous to take part of our hurt and help carry us along. Every time we share a hurt from our own past we remove one more brick out of our prison wall of depression. The more we find that our trust is validated by the continual acceptance from the group, the more energy we muster up for ourselves to continue trusting our deepest thought and feelings to others. No longer do we take refuge in the numbed comfort of our isolating sadness. Now we walk upright and begin making choices on how we want to feel, think an believe. We no longer live our lives in isolation and disconnected from others. Now we join in the mutual fray of battling depression with all our new friends on the broad road of healing.”
SOURCES: Copyright(c) Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 15-16.
Copyright(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
VISIT THE STORE for more literature on the subjects of depression and the 12 steps of recovery.
So to trust oneself can bring to one’s life a new dimension of hope that there might be a possibility for a positive change. But we need to take the road less traveled — not the road that is worn and rutted with the traveled path of hopeless journeys and adventures. The road less traveled is the one that joins with fellow travelers who are filled with hope and purpose.
Rowe says that by listening to our inner voice and so trusting that quiet inner voice is the beginning of getting hope for your self and serves as the key out of depression. Bill W., says that as time passes and we begin to “get” the program of recovery that we are better suited now to follow those intuitive hunches which come with our renewed trust in self and the god of our understanding.”
A comment. Most of the worn and rutted paths that are a big part of our sadness and isolation is due to the way we ruminate and fixate about the way are life is spinning out of control. We continuously try to think our way out of box which has us imprisoned in those rutted paths, dead ends. This negative thinking is familiar–it’s like the train that travels on rails that are shiny with years of continual use.
Now, with our Twelve Step program of recovery our minds are taking the path that leads to peace and serenity. We have a way out of our isolation and pain.
Are you willing to take the road less traveled? Let us help you do just that. We can chart out a path for you that works and works for as long as you stay on the path. That’s a promise.
SOURCES: I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETTER.(2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 78. (Chapter on TRUST).
How true. I will always remember how I felt when I found myself unable to get up in the morning. I knew something was different and something was very wrong. I was scared. I did the only thing that I knew what to do–I got into “fight” mode and forced my unresponsive body to get into motion. For some strange reason I found myself in “survival mode.” I just knew that whatever had me pinned to the floor and motionless I had to do the next right thing. The next right thing was to get out of bed and start walking. I did just that. And from that “survival mode” experience I learned a very important lesson: motivation follows action. In a way I had a faint bit of trust that what I was about to do, would be a factor in my survival;.
As it says in the book I’ll do it when I feel better, that “Trust, always has been a critical element in one’s search for finding one’s true and best self. And with trust comes hope. Hope is the thread which weaves its way throughout the spiritual program of the Twelve Steps.”
“Depression is about lost selves – and the struggle to regain the self. We are in a perpetual lock down! it is indeed a battle with one’s will to survive –that is why Dorothy Rowe calls depression a prison. We build the walls as a defense to keep us safe until we can combat our demons and find which way out is the best.
Over time you and I both have discovered a truth: trust is never an easy proposition. Trust comes with a belief that all things will work out. But another problem is that so much of our lives negative and harmful life experiences have ben carried through life and so conditioned us to predict that no matter what we say or do we will always be living in the prison of despair.”
And finally I discovered the more I walked, the more bricks that had me imprisoned in despair and fear, I was able to remove.
It was then that I had the energy to pick up my Twelve Step “tool box” from the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, and to this day continue my life of serenity and hope. Now, learning to be in a “trust mode” has given me freedom to live each new day with hope.
SOURCE: Copyright(c) I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETETR.(2015) DAP. LOUISVILLE. PAGES 75, 76-77.
” The sanity of the Twelve Step program is what will eventually help you change how you look at yourself and your experience of depression. The program shows that just because you have always felt miserable is no reason to remain miserable for the rest of your life. The sanity of placing your trust in a Power greater than yourself opens up great possibilities for your personal happiness and success. If you have felt that you have to be in total control of every situation in your life, then coming to believe in a power greater than yourself might be a frightening experience. What would happen if suddenly you couldn’t control your unhappy situation with the comfort of sadness or self-pity? Haven’t our sadness and thoughts of unworthiness been our last refuge from having to face ourselves, take charge and accept responsibility for our own lives?
The escape into feelings of worthlessness and resignation over my depressing feelings is no longer an acceptable way for me to delay the hard choice of being responsible for me. This statement is not made to make you feel guilty but only to help you see that, with time and by working the Twelve Steps on a daily basis and having the ongoing fellowship and support of the Depressed Anonymous group, you can begin to choose a way out!”
SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 42-43.
A HIGHER THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I will trust myself to risk getting better by way of the Twelve Step program. The first step is to admit that I will beat my depression in a group rather than trying to do it all by myself.
“Many of us can’t allow ourselves to trust anyone. We are so distrustful of ourselves that we can’t trust ourselves to feel. The painful and terrible hollowness of depression is such that we cannot allow it to be felt…When we hear other members share their stories of hurt and isolation we become more at ease within ourselves and we gradually allow/trust ourselves to touch the nerves of the past pain and hurts. ” (9)
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
One of the better ways I have found to get out of the prison of my depression is to trust my story with someone who has experienced the pain and the hurt. To know that I am not alone in my misery is quite a relief. To know that there is someone out there who understands where I am coming from does much for raising self-esteem. I know that it is only when I begin, today, to start taking care of myself that my life will improve and so will my thoughts. I also believe that there is no problem too great to be lessened.
I know that wanting control, wanting things my way, has made my life unmanageable! I want to trust my Higher Power and give my program and my friends who are in it my very best. I trust that I can be as honest with them as I am with my Higher Power.
God, we turn our will and our lives over to you and we know things are getting better because of that surrender.
SOURCE:, Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 Step fellowships. (1993, 1999) Louisville. June 1. Depressed Anonymous Publications.
” Most of us need the fellowship of the group to keep ourselves honest and in recovery and our dark thoughts out in the open.”
I believe that keeping our dark thoughts in the open is a must for those of us who are depressed. How often when I was feeling sad and without motivation to just go to my bed and sleep. I couldn’t continue with the dark thoughts that kept cycling around in my head. They each would take me right back to where they started. I always ended up back at hopelessness and despair.
This being open, willing and honest with others in the group is the beginning of a new adventure. The fellowship provides us with that opportunity to get out in the open those very same dark thoughts that forced us down and into the pit. Were they thoughts of guilt, shame or despair? Where they the hopeless thoughts of killing ourselves? Whatever the dark thoughts, I know from my own experiences in recovery that by bringing them (dark thoughts) into the light — the shame that they once made us feel begins to be diminished. When I tell members of our group that I once tried to kill myself, no one falls out of their chair. No one looks down on me–because, just possibly, there are other members of the group who have had the same experiences as have I.
By coming week after week to the group and feeling that those gathered in the group are in the same boat or have the same experiences, does make it easier for me to trust them with my story–no matter how dark and shameful. And as it says in our Depressed Anonymous (3rd edition) big book, “Remarkable things happen to us when we are willing to admit defeat and talk about our powerlessness over our depression and how our lives had become unmanageable. This first step is the beginning of the flight of steps that takes us up and into our new way of living. At our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, we talk hope, we act hopeful, and we think hope..” Pages 106-107. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville.
A HIGHER THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I am able to beat loneliness by repeatedly being with other people in recovery.
“I’m sure many sufferer’s could find a lot of comfort and support by coming into a group as I have done, to help beat the terrible loneliness which is felt by many of us and who find lasting friendship with lovely people.”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
In the group, I established myself and I got some positive feedback from others who watched me grow and who have seen the genuine changes I make personally. I am gradually throwing off my personal war with sadness. The real support comes when I begin to learn that members of the group have the same problems that I have. That helps me trust others with the story of my life. These people are the ones who want to hear my story of how depression almost cost me my life. Now, my life is freeing me from my need to sad myself.
I feel I am able to attach myself to the group now that I know that they are struggling with the same depression that I struggle with. I no longer have to fight this battle on my own.
God, you are our rock and our refuge, on you I place all my trust. We know and believe, easier now than before, that God has something good in store for us today.”
SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for 12 Step Fellowship Groups. (1993, 1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville Pages 84-85.
“The idea that we have to be responsible for ourselves and that the ways of the world are neither good nor just is too terrifying for you to contemplate. You cannot tolerate such uncertainty. You do not trust yourself, so how can you take responsibility for yourself?”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
I don’t like facing the fact that ultimately I am the one responsible for myself, no one else. It appears to me that I have to take care of myself, depend on my Higher Power for direction, and go from there. My Higher Power isn’t going to do it all. I know that I have to do all that I can to restore my life and my feelings. God is the rudder to my boat and I have to put my oars into the water if I am going to get moving in the right direction.
I am attempting, day by day, to tolerate the unpredictability of my life and gradually learn new ways to cope with uncertainty. While I am depressing myself, I want everything to be perfect and under my control. I know now that I will be happier when I learn how to tolerate a pleasant mood without telling myself that it will not last. (I also know about this last one from personal experience when I started taking care of myself).
We believe that the closer that we come to God, as we understand God, the closer our God draws to us. We believe that whatever we want changed in our life this can best be accomplished by approaching the God of our understanding and letting his power greater than ourselves steer us across the stormy sea.