“Why can’t I find someone to love me?”

 

 

A VICTIM IN MY OWN MIND

A personal story of recovery

I knew that I needed help. I had been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing ever seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick of being like this. I wanted a life and I want to be happy. Every week, someone would notice a change in me, but  I still felt the same. Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100 mph) it occurred to me that I was making  myself miserable.

I had always known that I was hard on myself, and I reamed myself every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all  I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden, it made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing. So if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I’ll have to feel positive.

Of course, I’m still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope.  It’s not that hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive every day and that’s what I ‘m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know.

I’m slowly finding out that my life is not as horrible as I have made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again–and that simply is not true. Yes, my past was terrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me.  There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what  they wish their lives could be like –so do it! Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind anymore, I’m more than ready for the great things. With love and hope!

A Depressed Anonymous member.

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And in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  we read how Bill W.,  co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, tells us that

“If I were asked what in my opinion was the most important factor in being successful in this program besides following the Twelve Steps, I would say honesty. And  the most important person to be honest with is yourself.” DA WORKBOOK, Page86.

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SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 120 -121.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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These two books comprise the HOME STUDY KIT. Please check out the DA literature at the STORE. You can order each book  by itself or both together.

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