I made a decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understand my God.
“Inside the safety of depression you can refuse to confront all the situations that you find difficult. You can avoid seeing people, going to places and most of all making decisions.” Dorothy Rowe.
It strikes people as a strange thing to say when I tell them I found my depression a comfort. I found it to be a comfort because I didn’t have to make any decsions about anything or anybody. I would just medicate myself with those thoughts of how bad I was and continue to ruminate until I felt completely numb and immobilized. Thanks to the program and its emphasis on personal honesty, the more I get the courage to take charge of my life and change what I knew had to be changed.
Today, I am not going to allow myself to get into addicting to negative and unpleasant thoughts. I am going to risk being myself and step out of the prison of my depression into the fresh air of living with a certain amount of unpredictability and freshness.
Avoidance is a very big reality when you are depressed. I don’t want to see, talk to or have anything to do with anyone else when I am depressed. As I learned through the Twelve Step Program, I am going to have to force myself to get involved with other people if I want to have a chance of ever feeling better.
“Because of you, O Lord, I wait; you O Lord my God will answer.” Psalm 18 38:16. The more we work our program, God is as near as we are to God. The more we open up our consciousness to the God of our understanding, the more God draws us to himself. We believe that as we wait on the Lord to speak to us, our God will speak to us in some fashion that we will recognize.
(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. September 24. Page 191.
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky.
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