Come here Nadine’s story.
All posts by Bill R
Depressed Anonymous Conference on Hope
| Date: | Saturday 4 March 2023 |
| Time: | 11:00am – 4:00pm Eastern time |
| Zoom Meeting ID: | 851 593 3239 |
| Passcode: | hope |
| Direct link: | https://us02web.zoom.us/j/8515933239 |
The theme for the conference is hope.
There will be 5 time slots. Four of the time slots will be speakers sharing their story of recovery and weaving in the topic of hope. One of the time slots will be a brief meditation session and a brief yoga session.
All sessions will be recorded and shortly after the conference an audio only version will be available on the Depressed Anonymous website.
We hope to see you there.
If you would like to download a file containing the pertinent conference information please click: DAHopeConference.ics and then open the file on your phone or computer to add it to your calendar.
If you happen to use Google Calendar you can add the conference directly to your calendar by clicking: 
Here is a link to a flyer if you want to distribute to others: DA Hope Conference
Do you want to hear what happened at the first Depressed Anonymous conference? Recordings can be found here: Depressed Anonymous Conference Recordings
New meeting recording – 13 January 2023
Piloting your life and having depression
There are different rules or methods of flying depending upon the current conditions.
- VFR – Visual Flight Rules. In effect when the weather is clear during daylight when you can clearly make out the horizon and your orientation to it. You can also see the ground and estimate your altitude in relation to the ground. In this case you fly by using your senses. The actions you take when flying have a direct impact on your flight and you can see and sense the change in your flight pattern.
- IFR – Instrument Flight Rules. In effect at night, or during a storm where your vision is poor. You may not be able to distinguish the horizon or your altitude in relation to the ground. In this case your senses are not reliable. You are better suited to fly by the instruments found in the cockpit: the altimeter, the horizon indicator, and the amount of throttle that is applied.
Why am I talking about flying a plane? What relation does that have to depression?
When my depression is in remission I can rely on my senses and my thoughts. I have a clear and concise view of what is going on around me. I can accurately see the consequences of my actions and I can respond to the updated situation clearly. I can trust my emotions and my thoughts because they are giving me an accurate representation of reality. I can go VFR and trust my senses.
When I am in the throes of active depression my senses and my thoughts are not clear. My emotions and thoughts are sending the wrong information and I should not rely on them. I must go IFR and trust the program of recovery. I need to step up the actions of recovery and be more diligent in my recovery work. I may need to go to more meetings. I may need to initiate an outreach call each and every day. I may need to journal. I may need to pray and meditate regularly throughout the day. Remember during active depression I can not trust my thoughts and emotions so I must fly by instruments.
This is not a judgment of good vs. bad. It is just a suggestion that you become aware of your current state. Are you in clear weather and trust your emotions and thoughts? Or are you in the midst of a current storm in your depression? If you are in a storm be sure to step up your recovery program. It works if you work it.
Yours in recovery, Bill R.
New Step Study meeting – Wednesday 11:00am ET
Folks there is another new meeting. This one is a different format – Step Study. The meetings will be weekly on Wednesday from 11:00am ET to 12:00pm ET. Same Zoom link and passcode.
See the new listing at: Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings
The OODA Loop: Observe, Orient, Decide, Act
The OODA Loop – Observe, Orient, Decide, Act
Training methodology for US fighter pilots
Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop
OK, the vast majority of us will never be a fighter pilot. There is something that we can use from their training in our struggle against depression.
Observe – Become aware of your emotions. Are you: sad, mad, glad, lonely, embarrassed, guilty? If it’s not one of those you are probably tightly coupling an emotion with a judgment. Where do those emotions show up in your body?
Become aware of your feelings – what are you physically sensing in this moment? Not judging something as good or bad, just sensing. I’m wet because it’s raining – not it’s raining and my life sucks.
Become aware of your thoughts. Are you in stinking thinking? Are you in some sort of cognitive dissonance? Are you planning, reminiscing, ruminating?
Orient – Now that you are aware of your current state (emotions, feelings, thoughts) what impact is your current state having on your depression? What are your options? Are there things that could think or do or change in your surroundings that would help your depression and lessen it?
Decide – Come up with a plan of what to do. Be willing to try new things. Decide on a course of action.
Act – Deciding was the hard part – just take action. Execute your plan.
The OODA loop is not a one and done proposition. You need to go back into the OODA loop. What was the outcome of the prior loop? Did your actions lessen or increase your suffering? Let go of the terms good & bad – there is too much emotional baggage with those terms. Think of using helpful or unhelpful – these are neutral words that don’t have the same baggage associated with them.
Do not try to be perfect in executing your OODA loop. Observe, orient, decide, act. Then do that again. You will get better at it over time. Your depression will lift. Be willing to be aware, come up with options, decide on a course of action then act!
You are worth it. You are worthy of healing.
Yours in recovery, Bill R
Laziness vs. choice
On the subject of laziness – I have to resist the temptation to label myself as lazy. There is a finality to that statement and that I am doomed to be in that state forever. What I find helpful is instead bring a sense of agency to the situation. For instance:
In this moment I feel extremely fatigued and I choose not to do this task.
It’s OK for me to choose not to do the task. No one will die as a result of that decision. Also stating it as a choice opens the possibility that in the future I can change my mind and do the task. It leaves options open and available to me. Depression feels like I have no choice. Serenity feels like there is possibility of something different. It seems to work for me. Try it on for size and see if it fits. If it doesn’t that is OK – you now know a technique that doesn’t work for you. There are many other techniques here in the room that you can try. I need to be willing to try new ways of handling things.
Yours in recovery, Bill R
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
– Navy Seal credo
If I am in a frantic state, I will make many mistakes. Then I need to do things over again and that takes even more time.
If I do things slowly and follow a process I am far less likely to make mistakes. I need to do things right the first time. The best way that I know to do that is to follow a process. I can have processes about many things: how I shave, how I iron a shirt, how I troubleshoot a problem in my professional IT career, how I approach my recovery from depression and anxiety.
Sometimes in a highly excited anxious state it seems incredibly hard to slow down and calm my mind. I sometimes see my issues with anxiety as a block of wood with really rough edges. I may not be able to have a smooth block of wood immediately. I can however start the process of sanding down the roughest edges of my anxiety. My anxiety may be so intense that I can’t go from frantic to calm and serene. But perhaps it is possible to lessen my anxiety by 1%. I will be in a better place of mind. I want to be serene and calm, but in this moment I may only be able to achieve a 1% reduction.
Progress not perfection.
– 12 step recovery slogan
Another benefit of having a process is that you will develop muscle memory about the process. When in the thick of a fight, or deep in anxiety, it may not be able to think clearly. Wouldn’t it be great to have muscle memory about a process that you can follow?
It is better to sweat in training, than to bleed in war.
– Wisdom sometimes heard in military training
This week at work there were some major problems. Systems critical to the business were not functioning preventing action on revenue generating jobs. There was immense pressure to get those systems back online and functioning again NOW. As I felt the anxiety in me rise I would repeat the mantra several times and my anxiety would lessen a little bit. I had a process and it helped.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
Yours in recovery, Bill R
Knowledge from other disciplines helping in recovery from depression
I can draw inspiration and wisdom from many sources, not just 12 Step recovery literature. What matters is how can I apply that wisdom to my recovery from depression? I have a pretty eclectic set of experiences and I will draw from those experiences in future posts.
When reading non-recovery literature all I need to do is to view that other literature through the lens of the 12 Steps. If I look for wisdom, I will find it. If I look for the good in other people I will find that too. If I look for my Higher Power I will find that too.
Be open to all wisdom. Learn to apply this wisdom to your recovery from depression.
Yours in recovery, Bill R
THINK before you speak
Many of us with depression find it easy to go the way of negativity. Our default behavior and way of speech tends to rub people the wrong way. The answer is to live your life on purpose. THINK before you speak. Ask yourself these five questions before you speak:
- Is it True?
- Is is Helpful?
- Is it Inspirational?
- Is it Necessary?
- Is it Kind?
If the answer is No to any of the questions you must remain quiet. You are beginning the journey of putting some control over your behavior. Your speech will begin to diminish in negativity.
Just because something is True does not give you permission to share your opinions. It may be true that most people have poor spelling and grammar but it is not necessary to correct other people. If you, as my friend, ask for feedback on your cover letter and resume it is now necessary for me to respond. But my response needs to be helpful, inspirational and kind.
Once you begin to practice this for a while and you become better at controlling your tongue you will have a personal epiphany – a recovery V-8 moment of Holy Crow I need to apply these questions to my thoughts.
Don’t worry and fret over your negativity. Begin to be aware of how negative you truly are. Begin the process of controlling your speech. Then you will have some control over your thoughts.
Thoughts create feelings. Negative thinking creates negative feelings. The difficulty is that if you try to tackle the negative thoughts immediately you may not be successful. Control your behaviors first. Get some level of control over your behaviors. These successes will give you the strength to fight the real fight of combating your negative thoughts.
Good luck.
Yours in recovery, Bill R