Category Archives: Helpful

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Community building, Fellowship, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Honesty, Mutual Aid, Powerlessness, Serenity, The 12 Steps, Uncategorized

The Real Deal

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One of my favorite TV shows is the Antique Roadshow. Every piece of furniture, painting, pottery, etc., brought to the show, has its own unique history. Each piece is appraised as to its present value by professional art dealers. That is the basis of the show, to help people discover how much that old letter, old painting or anything else that they bring to the show. seeking its worth. They can discover if their painting is an original, the real deal, or just a copy, or even a forgery. It is rare that an original masterpiece is ever discovered. Even so, there are times when a very valuable piece is discovered. People who come to show their articles, know that they can at least find out if they have something of value.

In ancient Rome, there were many sculptors, who sculpted pieces of artistic beauty. At times, when a sculptor’s chisel took too much granite off his work of art, he would cover his mistake with wax. So, if an artist wanted to sell his piece of art, it had to be noted that the piece was sincere, that is, without wax. No covering up mistakes.

So when I say that I am sincere, I am telling you that I am telling the truth. I am telling you that there is no coverup in what I am saying. (sine cera in Latin = without wax). In other words, it’s the real deal.

In our recovery program, Depressed Anonymous, we thrive by being sincere. We learn that it is when we admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable, that we began to thrive and freed ourselves from the prison of depression.

Please come and join us in this Depressed Anonymous Fellowship. It is here where we can share our past mistakes and shortcomings – and our strengths – no more wax jobs – and find peace abd strength with folks just like ourselves.

DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS
Our website at DEPRESSEDANON.COM, will provide you with all necessary information, directing you to our online daily ZOOM meetings. We offer two meetings a day. You are always welcome!

HUGH S., for the DA Fellowship

Community building, Courage, Fellowship, Helpful, Purpose, Service, The 12 Steps

Service work is a recovery tool that has its own reward

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“THE MORE THAT YOU HAVE A NEED TO SERVE OTHERS, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR NEED TO BE SERVED.”

The Depressed Anonymous LOGO has these three words written on it: HOPE, SERVICE, FELLOWSHIP. SERVICE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME.

If you are part of a Twelve Step fellowship group, you learn pretty fast about service work. Service is at the center of our recovery. It is the keystone. And, paradoxically, the more we serve others in the fellowship, the more we give to others, the more I am part of living a life filled with hope. When you attain this need to help others, making it your passion, you discover a growing purpose to serve, gradually unfolding in your life.

Let’s say that you came into our fellowship, feeling the hopelessness and helplessness of depression, having lost all hope. You found a fellowship of caring persons. The members do not tell you to “snap out of it.” The group is there because those before them, welcomed them, and let them know there is help. Each of us who are at the meetings today, are getting better, because others are there, willing to serve, in any capacity, using their strengths, hope and experiences,for the service of others. We are not alone. I am not a newcomer, but I am a member who knows, from personal experience, how service from others in the DA fellowship, changed my life. For them, I am grateful.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

12 Step Meeting, Forgiveness, Helpful, Isolation, Suffering, The 12 Steps

Humility is not a constant harping on our faults

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“Humility is not a constant harping on your faults and errors and general worthlessness. When you find yourself doing this (like being unable to say anything good about yourself or constantly apologizing or feeling quite unable to do anything even moderately well) remember what Archbishop Fenelon wrote to one of his parishioners,

It is mere self-love to be inconsolable at seeing one’s own imperfections, but to stand face to face with them, neither flattering nor tolerating them, seeking to correct oneself without becoming pettish – this is to desire what is good for its own sake and for God’s.

Humility, self-acceptance and forgiveness are all aspects of the one process where we come to see ourselves as we are and other people as they are. Since we no longer have the pride and arrogance to try to control ourselves and our world so as to make ourselves and our world into something which they are not, we can now be spontaneous. Since we no longer have to hide ourselves from other people, to put a barrier between ourselves and our world, and so feel ourselves to be alive. Since all desire leads to suffering, ceasing to desire perfection reduces our desires and so our suffering. We then know along with Lao Tsu Tau, that,

It is more important
To see the simplicity,
To realize one’s true nature,
And temper desire.

Learning to accept oneself and others, to be courageous, loving, humble and forgiving, and to face death with equanimity, is no small task. But this is what you must undertake if you are to find your way out of the prison of depression.”

Copyright(c) Dorothy Rowe. Depression: The way out of your prison. Second Edition. Routledge and Kegan Paul. New York, 1986. P.230.

For the fellowship,
Hugh S.

Belief, Choice, Helpful, Hope, Pain, Purpose, Step 03

How to find hope and let it blossom

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“Hope can only exist in a state of uncertainty.
That certainty means total certainty. That certainty means to be without hope.
The prison of depression is built with the bricks of total certainty.

Certainty. Security. No Hope.
To hope means to run the risk of disappointment.
Avoid disappointment. Stay depressed.
To be insecure means not to be in control.
Stay in control. Be depressed.
To be uncertain means to be unsure of the future.
Predict the future with certainty. Stay depressed.

Hope can exist only when there is uncertainty. Absolute certainty means complete hopelessness. If we want to live fully we must have freedom, love and hope. So life must be an uncertain business. This is what makes it worthwhile.”

Copyright(c) Dorothy Rowe. Depression: The way out of your prison. NY. Kegan Paul. 1996.

“Hope is to seek things and have the expectation that what we desire will come true. In the matter of depression, Dr. Rowe warns us that when we predict that we will always bw the way we are, is to predict a life of certainty, but one without hope. In the way that we construct our world we begin to live with some uncertainty and with this uncertainty we are going to little bit by little bit, accept some pain, hurt and disappointment in our life. This is not bad, but it is not always pleasant.

When we are depressed, it is not so important as to how we got depressed, but what is important, is how we see ourselves. Do we believe. like Dorothy Rowe, that we will always see ourselves as bad, worthless, unacceptable to ourselves and to others when we are depressed? If this is the way that we want to look at ourselves, then we are sure to believe that we will never change. We hold these beliefs about ourselves as immutable truths, and ever binding. This is the thing about depression – we believe that it will always be this way – namely, being possessed by this painful hollow feeling and deadly emptiness, which we carry around in our bodies, day after day, year after year.”

Copyright(c) Hugh Smith. How to hope and let it blossom. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 1-2. 2004.

Acceptance, Affirmations, Belief, Believing Is Seeing, Courage, Ego Deflation, Fellowship, Helpful, Hope, Kindness, Love, Meditation, Pain, Prayer, Purpose, Serenity, Service, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 11, Suffering, The Promises

“…letting go of all illusion…”

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I am writing this prayer I wrote some five years back now for deeper peace and acceptance, during this challenging time I’m experiencing. Sharing this Hope in case I too can 0ffer Strength for others.
Affectionately, Janet M.

Thank you dear Creator of love and joy in action for the fellowship of your presence. Move me, I pray, for the Stillness of this Love. Why I abide there always gathering in your Strength, Peace and Wellbeing as kindling to feel the fire of your Spirit within. As I walk this path today, should I become disturbed return my heart to you. Purify my motives and direct my attention back into Awareness and Unity with your Spirit, which is the hand of Peace. Help me to offer kindness for the many Seeds of Blessings which feed my growing into Trueness of Being. Help me to understand your Passion in laughter, tears, joy and pain, knowing all of your Provision and how Precious that gift is that lies within the Earth of us all. Thank you for my children, family and friends. Bless ua your light, nurturing our hearts and strengthen our vision and relationships. May a seeming separateness burn up into the flames of letting go of all illusions while Liberating the Soul and setting Freedoms flight to soar and all resistance fall away. Gather us together, this day in Body, Mind and Spirit manifesting your Love. Amen.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Hope, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Prayer, Serenity, The 12 Steps

Helen, gets it! “I have to take responsibility for my own life.”

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The following excerpt is from a letter that Helen wrote to the Depressed Anonymous fellowship about her recovery from depression.

Her story is just one of the many stories, relating their recovery from depression, found in the Personal Stories section of Depressed Anonymous Pages 110-152.

“Now that I look back and see the way I was and see now how I am now,
I can’t believe that I ever knew that other person. This person is different altogether. I like this person now very much. I am thankful to the group. They are just wonderful. They are my family. They are my Depressed Anonymous family. I also have my church family. It is a wonderful feeling to know that there is a Higher Power that can take you through these things. At first, I thought, “I doubt that very much” when everyone was talking about the Higher Power and peace in my life. Then it happened to me. Every few days, the world dumps down on you and beats you down. That’s my life. I always think to myself that there is that extra strength that I didn’t have before. I feel that everything is going to be OK with me. I have that peace now myself.”

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous (1998) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. pp 145-148.

Choice, Community building, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Helpful, Hope, Isolation, Mutual Aid, Negativity, People Pleasing, Positivity, Purpose, Service, The 12 Steps

Wellness Steps: A personal fitness plan that builds self-esteem

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BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM
1. Appraise yourself: Identify strengths and problem areas.
– Check out the Depressed Anonymous Workbook for a 12 Step self-study of one’s strengths and problem areas.
2. Try changing in small ways. Keeping it simple and manageable.
3. Emphasize your positive skills, talents and strengths. A sponsor will be most helpful in leading you to discover your hidden strengths. When we are depressed and in lockdown, it is hard to see the light. In the beginning, you will let the Da fellowship group serve as the key to unlock your potential.
4. Take what others say at face value- Free yourself from the burden of figuring out others motives.
5. Choose role models you respect. It’s possible that your presence at a DA meeting will discover others who are making the 12 Steps recovery program work for them, finding serenity an hope.
6. Stop activities you don’t like or have an aptitude for. Examples: People pleasing, isolating oneself from friends and family, catastrophic thinking, having negative thoughts about self, not trusting others.
7. Accepting yourself without judgment. Use the “SUNSPOTS” or the “Rule of Threes” to discipline oneself to use what works for you and leave the negatives behind. (See Pages 47-48 in DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS. 3rd EDITION. Depressed Anonymous Publications. 2011.)

Please read the story of Margie, a charter member of Depressed Anonymous, as she shares her story. Personal Stories section.#31. Page 131. Depressed Anonymous.
8. Talk to your friends. This is an avenue that leads you to finding who you are. The DA fellowship, which meets every day.(Check out Website for meeting information). Here in this group, your friends will share how their Journey of Hope gave them a most valuable gift–namely, a choice to work their way out of depression or to continue to live a life of misery and hopelessness.
9. Choose one particular task and do it. Just one task. One small baby step. Keep it simple. Stay in the now–one day at a time. Walk and get out into nature. Walk around the block. Use the TOOLS of Recovery. (See Homepage at depressedanon.com and click onto TOOLS of Recovery menu. You will find an array of ways to begin your own life journey, with a commitment for your own personal wellness and fitness.)
10. Take charge of your life and set goals. Make decisions. Take some risks. Reach out to others for help!

Depression thrives and grows strong in isolation where the depressed individual can spend time ruminating over past defects and self-alleged wrongdoing. The very worthlessness can grow in this darkened environment. But if the solitary confinement is to end, the depressed person has the right and the responsibility to examine the various ways to fight back the isolation, immersing oneself in a supportive and healing environment. If there is no environment where they feel safe and secure, one will have to buildup their courage and get one. You cannot think yourself out of depression. You hold the key that will unlock your prison of depression. We recommend that you start using it now.

Hugh S.

(C) Copyright. Shining a light on the dark night of the soul.: A personal experience for healing the darkness of depression. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
(c) Depressed Anonymous (2011) 3rd Edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 47-48.
(c) The Depressed Antonymous Workbook.(2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Please visit the DA literature store for more information.

Affirmations, Belief, Choice, Community building, DA Literature, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Hope, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

One of the great paradoxes of human life…

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DECISION 12 : “I will learn to share my sadness with others and to share their sadness.” Dorothy Rowe. Breaking the Bonds. Understanding depression, Finding Freedom. Fontana. London. 1991. Page 271.

“One of the great paradoxes of human life is that, in the way that we are born and die and in between create our own unique world of meaning, we are always atone, yet the only way that we can live with the essential aloneness is to share our life with other people.” Page 271.

Dear Reader, this concludes our journey of how to Leave Loneliness Behind. By making the 12 Decisions our own, and living out these truths as presented to us by Dorothy Rowe, we can leave loneliness behind.
I give total credit to Dr. Rowe, psychologist, for her wisdom, that she shares with us here in BREAKING THE BONDS.
Jill Tweedie. a reviewer, tells us that the writer Dorothy Rowe, is the “light at the end of the tunnel.” If you make that decision to read this work, I know you will agree.

Hugh S.

Affirmations, DA Literature, Gratitude, Helpful, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Stress, The 12 Steps

I will learn how to receive a gift generously

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DECISION 10: Receiving a gift.
“IF you determine that the gift does come with the unstated message of obligation you then have three choices;
1. You can accept the gift as you always have, and not feel guilt, anger and obligation.
2. You can state the unstated message to the giver and say that you cannot accept such a gift. To do this you must completely abandoned your belief that you must never upset anyone ever and have developed some competence in dealing with upset people.
3. You can accept the gift as if it is a free gift, ignore the obligation, feel happy and enjoy the gift. To do this you must have given up being an expert in being good and have developed a competence in doing things which are not wholly admirable but are immensely enjoyable.

If you determine that the gift does come as a free gift, given out of love and concern, then yugo must receive it with the same generosity with which it was given. Let yourself feel joy, not guilt. Don’t say “Oh, you shouldn’t have.’ Say ‘It’s wonderful. I love it, and give the giver a hug and a kiss. All we want when we give a fee gift is to see the other person’s happiness.
Sometimes what gets in the way when we want to enjoy a gift is our envy.”

Dorothy Rowe, Breaking the Bonds. Understanding Depression, Finding freedom. Fontana. London. 1991. Pages 209-210.
Dorothy Rowe is The author of BREAKING THE BONDS of the Twelve Decisions, contained in the chapter, LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND, Pages 238-279.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Focus, Helpful, Hope, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, The Promises

I will try to improve my understanding of my behavior

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LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND: 12 DECSIONS

“DECISION 7: I WILL TRY TO IMPROVE MY UNDERSTANDING OF MY BEHAVIOR.”

All actions have consequences. and they are usually different from what we expect.

In a situation where we want our cake and eat it too, we always try to have both, but we learn that in trying to get both, we lose both.

If you are to improve your skills in understanding people, in order to rid your loneliness, working out the consequences OF what you and others do, is extremely important.

You really have to develop more flexible ways in dealing with the consequences when the consequence is anger.”

TOMORROW DECISION 8: I WILL BE MORE ACCEPTING OF OTHER PEOPLES ANGER AND NOT TAKE It PERSONALLY.”