This I believe is at the core of our recovery and restoration. It is precisely at the moment in our lives that we realize that somebody, someone greater than myself is guiding me. This someone is not forcing us but is guiding us through our darkness. It is lighting our path so we neither stumble nor regress into our old ways of thinking and behaving. It is with this in mind that we continually redirect our attention to have that desire to do its will.

Before we discovered the program of Depressed Anonymous we were convinced that the only chance that we had to get better was to wait while the drugs kicked in and then everything would be alright. But now we are certain that our ability to get well is based on how much we develop the belief that we can choose how we feel and think. Indeed, we are now convinced that we can either sad ourselves or choose not to sad ourselves. The community and common bonds of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship produce a feeling that as other member of the group are recovering, so can I.”

SOURCE: The Promises of Depressed Anonymous # 12. We would suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

This excerpt is found in the Depressed Anonymous Publication, I’ll do it when I feel better.(2017) The Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 51-52.

From the Promises of Depressed Anonymous #11.

As my mind began to heal and my thoughts became more lucid, it became apparent that something inside of me is changing. Depression, when you begin to examine the various symptoms up close and deal with them, the experience becomes less threatening. Some say that depression is a collection of behaviors that are brought into play to defend us against things that are too painful to face. Also, depression results when a love object is lost through death or that one feels abandoned. We have become so at one with our lost love, that we mourn the death of part of us. The love object and ourselves has become one. I believe we use the word co-dependence today.

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression. The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought. I began to worry that I was losing my mind. I often asked myself if I was going to survive. But now my ability to handle situations in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance at meetings. I was also making a daily time for prayer and meditation and began to feel that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically active, i.e., going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. I began working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook and reading my 12 step literature.

The behavior is where my freedom and hope begins. And yes, I do feel lousy at times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to prevent me from even thinking that I could choose to feel differently.”

Sources:
Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 50-51.
Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

NOTE: More to come tomorrow on how to respect our “gut” feelings and handle those difficult situations that come up in our lives.

Bill W., co- founder of Alcoholics Anonymous  got it right when he wrote these words. He said we have to grow or else deteriorate. This is true of all life, including  plant, animal and humanity.  We cannot stop growing and if we do, we wither and die. Our daily life must be  guided by those certain constructive  activities where  our ongoing development is enhanced and strengthened.

In our program of recovery (I am speaking of Depressed Anonymous) our growth is measured by the amount of serenity and hope  that fills our daily life. These two qualities are like taking those essential vitamins keeping us healthy and in touch with the power greater than ourselves that provides for personal guidance and direction.

The spiritual principles of the 12 steps keep us on the march,   in  sync with   the promises as provided us by the co-founders of AA in the Big Book. Every day is a challenge and an opportunity to change into that person,  who piece by piece has begun  dismantling all that is negative in one’s life and replacing that with positive strengths and attitudes.  That means that we cannot stand still  forever and remain frozen in a constant battle with our inner demons –always coming out the loser with no real change in the way we live out our lives.

The real change begins the moment that we surrender our will and our   lives to that Power greater than ourselves. Every day we use the spiritual principles of our program   to chart our course, much like the North Star which provides the reference point for the  lost mariner.

Going to meetings, talking with our sponsor and reading the literature of our 12 Step Fellowship  pretty much insure that  our lives will continue to change in many positive ways.  It has to be said that just as a caterpillar  changes into  a butterfly, so too we begin a transformation that can  last a lifetime.  That’s a promise!

It has been a while. It’s good to get back   here and continue  discussing some of the issues facing myself and my recovery from pneumonia.     The main reason I’ve not written these past weeks  is because I was in the hospital with a serious pneumonia.  Finally, I was released on this past Tuesday, and was able to return home. Because I was in the hospital nine days my ability to walk was challenged.    It’s like I had to learn how to walk all over again. So now, today, I am gradually feeling better and feeling more strength come back to my legs.

I had a  lot of time to think, laying in bed  and waiting for the next shot,  blood being drawn, temperature taken, plus  anything else that they could think to do to me. It took a week of tests  to determine that not only were my lungs severely  affected but the fact that my heart was severely affected as well.  I think they call it erratic heartbeat. So now I came home with medicine that will help remedy the situation of the erratic heartbeat and having the lungs work the way they should.   Now I can go back to work and try to lead a normal life again.

Over all, I realized in a new way the brevity of life and how much little time   we have on this earth.  So, I am thankful and grateful that I can continue my work supporting people who are depressed, suicidal and  looking for hope. By the fact that I’ve been there many years ago, that is, depressed, I feel I have something important to give to you. And what I have to give  to you is hope. Not a false hope. Not empty promises contrived and meaningless. But hope that gives life and a positive stamp on all that you are. We are more than our experience of depression.    I want to give to you  the legs that will help you walk  along this road,  and show others how you got where you are today.

When I first admitted to others and myself back in 1985 that my life was out of control so that I felt hollow and empty inside.   I could see that there were no purpose in my life and all that I needed to do was to get up off the ground , dust myself off and began to walk. I  began to walk with others like me who needed not only fellowship but who also needed a spiritual belief which they could put their trust in. They wanted  a God that would help them– not judge them but would support them in learning how to walk again. I call this fellowship Depressed Anonymous, a mutual aid group  using the 12 step program of recovery. A program that leads us   step-by-step in a new way of living and a new way walking. We are walking with  purpose. We are walking with direction. And we all are walking with the hand of God on our shoulders. You too can walk. You can walk out of your depression. It’ll take time and work. But just like   now,  my legs inactive for more than a week,   the leg muscles   atrophied and weakened me. This is somewhat  an  example  of  what happens to us  when we are depressed. Many of us cannot  get out of bed in the morning.  Our sadness has immobilized us. It has taken away our motivation to walk.   Today, now we have a way to walk.  A new and hopeful way of looking at ourselves.

If you want to  learn more about our way of walking  with others and so  gain support and aid from others — then you might want to look at our menu on our website here  and  read some of our blogs. You might also want to get to know more about who we are what we do. In fact,  you might also  look at some of our literature that give details about others   like ourselves who are bedridden, and were  unable to walk. Now they are walking. We are walking with hope and that passionate focus on staying upright and moving forward.

I just want to say thank you for reading this is short account of my journey in  life where  I learned how to walk again. So pray for me as I pray for you, and maybe  we will have our paths cross and we will together  be able to continue to support each other with our  thoughts, love and prayers. Please come back again,  and join us at this place.  We want to hear from you and how you too want to learn how to walk using the 12 steps or recovery. We are with you!

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SOURCE:  (c)  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

The PROMISES of Depressed Anonymous

Change is painful. The first step is really the beginning of the end of our pain.By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins the release of our pain. This is the paradox of letting go and holding on as we learned for Step Three.What we hold onto holds onto us. What we seek–seeks us.

The pain of depression begins to dissolve as a result of doing something we have never done before- or rather doing something about our lives that we have not done before. It happens to be true that the more we get in touch with and remove our resentments , fears, guilt, and self-pity from our lives, the lighter we feel emotionally. The less need we have to rely on our defense mechanisims, which shielded our fragile egos from pain, hurt, or remorse, the freer we become.

I believe that the pain of our depression originates from inside of us. We construct present day reality based on past life experiences. The past is the predictor of the future.

As it says in Depressed Anonymous, many of us held the absolute belief that “since bad things have happened to us in the past, bad things will happen to us in the future.” In other words we have made up our minds-nothing will ever change. And of course this belief is what promotes and keeps our depression alive.

SOURCE:
(C) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville. Pages 3i-32.Chapter Four: The Promises.

”  Losses may produce a variety of very intense and painful feelings. Fear can cripple the best of us. Why fear people and economic insecurity?  In Steps 4,5,6,7,8, 9 we have examined our lives, piece by piece, ending up with a good conscience, while fearing neither guilt nor shame for things of our past. We have thrown off the shackles of the past.”

SOURCE:  I’ll do it when I feel better. (2014) Smith, Hugh.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. #10 of the 13 Promises of  the Depressed Anonymous Recovery Program. FEAR OF PEOPLE AND ECONOMIC INSECURITY WILL LEAVE US.

”  Bill, in his personal testimony in the DA book (Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition) relates that you don’t get better overnight, but you do get  much better. I was down in the muck as far as I could go.  I had to go and open the door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life. I still have many problems like anyone else, but when I need sleep very badly, I turn this problem over to the Higher Power and go to sleep.  I can always pick life up the next morning. Somehow it all gets done. Every few days the world dumps on you and beats you down. That’s just life.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

NOTE: For more information regarding these two publications, please VISIT THE STORE to discover more literature  which  is especially suited to  persons depressed.

“WE WOULD SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT GOD IS DOING FOR US WHAT WE COULD NOT DO FOR OURSELVES.” PROMISE  # 12 of 13 PROMISES  of THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS FELLOWSHIP.

We must be willing to let go of all thoughts that tell us that we will never get well. These are the same thoughts that have imprisoned us over the years. We now listen to the god of our understanding and proceed with the belief that what we hold about the world on the outside of us is determined and governed by the world that is lived within us.

We are in a brand new way, on a new path and find ourselves committed to a fresh belief that something powerful is starting to blossom within me. A peace that surpasses all understanding is beginning to be born as we learn  to relax and wait and listen for that still small voice. We let go, we surrender, and we relax and let it speak. We pray that the God of our understanding make a way out of this desert of misery just as it has already created a way for those of us who live in the fellowship. Our thoughts move inside us with light and peace.”

SOURCE: (c) I’ll do it when I feel better.(2014)   Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 52-53.

“…And, despite all your good intentions, you are conscious of a terrible inability to help as you would like to. Then comes the voice of the tempter: Why torture yourself? It is no good. Give up, stop caring. Be unconcerned and unfeeling like everybody else.

Still another temptation arises —compassion really involves you in suffering. Anyone who experiences the woes of this world within  his heart can never again feel the surface happiness that human nature desires. When hours of contentment and joy  come, the compassionate man cannot give himself unreservedly to them, for he can never forget the suffering he has experienced with others. What he has seen stay with him. The anguished faces of the poor return; the cries of the sick  echo in his mind, he remembers the  man whose hard lot he once read about-and darkness shuts out the light of his joy.  Darkness returns again and again. In cheerful company he suddenly becomes absentminded. And the tempter says again:  You can’t live like this. You must be able to detach yourself from what is depressing  around you. Don’t be so sensitive. Teach yourself the necessary indifference, put on an armor, be thoughtless like everybody else if you want to live a sensible life. In the end we are ashamed to know of the great  experience of empathy and compassion.  We keep  it a secret from one another and pretend it is foolish, a weakness we outgrow when we begin to be “reasonable” people.

The three great temptations unobtrusively wreck the presupposition of all goodness. Guard against them. Consider the first temptation by saying that for you to share experience and to lend a helping hand is an absolute necessity.  Your utmost attempts will be but a drop in the ocean compared with what needs to be done, but only this attitude will give meaning and value to your life. Where ever you are, as far as you can, you should bring redemption, redemption from the misery brought into the world by the self-contradictory will of life, redemption that only he who has this knowledge can bring. The small amount you are able to do is actually much if it only relieves pain, suffering, and fear from any living being, be it human or any other creature.   The preservation of life is the true joy.

As for the other temptation, the fear that compassion will involve you in suffering, counter it with the realization that the sharing of sorrow expands your capacity to share joy as well.  When you callously ignore the suffering of others, you lose the capacity to share their happiness, too.  And however little joy we may see in this world, the sharing of it, together with the good we ourselves create, produces the only  happiness which makes life tolerable….”

__________________________________

It is always a joy to connect with any person like ourselves who lives with depression everyday and give them the serenity and peace which they are looking for.

In our Twelve Step program of recovery, we know all about compassion and healing the hurts of those still suffering-especially those persons depressed.   It is when a person who has worked through all of the Twelve Steps reaches the Twelfth Step that they realize that now that they have experience the healing power of their work with the Steps – now they will want to share this “gift” of recovery with all those persons who are “still suffering.” It is in the sharing of their own experiences and suffering that will lead others to the hope that they too will have the same peace and joy as those of us who have lived out the Promises given to us by the spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous.

The Twelfth Step tells us that “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.”

SOURCES: (c)Albert Schweitzer.  Essential writings. (2005) Introduction by James  Brabazon.  Orbis Books. NY. Pages 148-149.

(c)Depressed Anonymous 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. (2011) Louisville.

(c)   I’ll do it when I feel better.  (2014) Depressed Anonymous   Publications.Louisville.

Let’s start with the power called The Present. This reality is like the sun, shining  its light on what lies before us in perfect illumination. This is our guide  as we proceed on the path of life. This  light illuminates our mind and where we stand right now. The Present takes in all that we are, where we are and how we are.  If you traverse outside its boundaries, mostly in the yesterdays and the tomorrows of your life then there may be problems.  If you do spend more and more  time in what was and what might be, then the illumination casts its bright light away from the NOW and into a path not yet taken.  All I have is the Present and the NOW. Today is all that I have and the 24 hours that make up this light and darkness of my daily life.

Mindfulness means the awareness with how we live out our lives in this 24 hour time period. To be mindful is to be aware and conscious of all our surroundings, both those  inner and external realities that make up our world. Mindfulness also relates  powerfully to how we talk to ourselves in the Present and in the NOW. Are we aware of our feelings that break through and into our immediate consciousness? What do these many feelings, pleasant and unpleasant tell us about ourselves? Are these feelings fearful? Or are these feelings filled with peace and hope for ourselves in the NOW and in  The Present? And for a time, have we denied these feelings of darkness and despair and managed  to blunt them, numb them with mind altering substances, with numbing thoughts that keep us in the dark?  Is there a way out of this powerlessness? Yes. Simply stated.

Speaking for myself and the many, many folks who now are mindful of another way of thinking about their selves and what is going on in and around them have experienced this  bright light. A path is revealed. All of us who have been in the darkness are finding hope, serenity and the stepping stones to help us to continually  walk with hope. We are mindful  NOW of how to live in the Present and how to gradually walk this wide road with so  many other mindful travelers. Because we have been willing to see where this light leads us, we NOW know that healing is ours and that we are never alone. We have risked living in the light –refused to live in the darkness of the past and march on today using as our guide the Twelve Steps of recovery. I am now mindful of a Power greater than myself. Because I came to believe in a power greater than myself (finally- tired of living in the hell of despair)  I “surrendered”  and made a “decision to turn  my  life and will over to the god of my understanding.”

So, in order to be free of unconscious living I am always mindful (at least I try to be) of the work to be done that lies right in front of me. I’m sticking to the plan.

I  am mindful of all the “red flags” that warn me of potential dangers that could throw me back into those life threatening days of depression. I am mindful that when my mind turns to resentments, self-pity, hopelessness, hostility toward others,  and negative thinking and isolating behaviors, that I need to get back into the bright light of hope, serenity, prayer,  a daily meditation(Higher Thoughts for Down days)  and the Fellowship of our mutual help support group, Depressed Anonymous. I also talk with a group member of the fellowship whom we call a sponsor.

All of what I have written above can produce what all of us are yearning for, namely, that peace that rests the mind and relaxes the body. Serenity is what we want. We want to leave the mess of our lives, get a grip on  how to change it, and choose to live with hope. Oh, there will be problems, as always, but now we have the mindfulness, to recognize where  lies the hope and  the freedom for living…in the NOW, with Mindfulness!

Do you want to live in the Present, in the NOW, with mindfulness and serenity?  Please think about doing what I have done and as has countless others, to be a part of this great human fellowship bound together by our living out the Promises of the Twelve Steps.

I hope to meet you along this path someday. Please join us!

Hugh

SOURCE: Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011).  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE  STORE : Check out the literature for more help on how to be part of this fellowship.