I will take another small step in my own recovery and face any uncomfortable fears that arises. I will face it and let go.
“I had to surrender to God, quit controlling everything and everyone, including God. Let go and let God.” (8 )
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
To think of letting go of my depression is like telling a drowning man to let go of his life jacket. When we have been depressed for so many years and this is all we know, we don’t know what to make of someone telling us to let go and surrender this experience to God.
I also know that for me to be in control, either by my sadness at home or my attempts to control every member of the family, I know that this keeps me from having to face all the pain in my own life. My thoughts don’t flow the way other peoples’ thoughts flow. My thoughts continually flow in a stream of heavy blackness. The blackness has always been part of my life and I feel that there is no way to escape it. The only way out for me now is to “admit that I am powerless over my depression and that my life is unmanageable.”
I know that in the program there is much talk about giving over one’s life to a Higher Power and letting it guide us. It’s somewhat like we are going down the road of life and we see a large narrow bridge which is spanning a river before us. We see the bridge and can even see the other side but instead of crossing over we get out of our car, go down the embankment and begin to swim across to the other side. Depression and our own feelings of unworthiness won’t allow us to risk a way out of our sadness. Like so many life situations, the answers are hidden there in plain sight.
We used to believe that our God was a God of wrath. We needed to believe that, because we were feeling so bad, evil, worthless and unacceptable about ourselves. Now we believe God’s supply of love is endless. (See Step #3).