Category Archives: 12 Step Meeting

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Fellowship, Prayer

Depressed? Feeling all alone? Want support?

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Want support? That’s what we all want for our lives, especially  when we are depressed. This is certainly  a fact as  we sink deeper into the quagmire of a melancholy mood. Without support from others when we  feel depressed —  even  hopeless — is   a critical time for  us.  It’s a do or die moment. It’s time to make a decision.  What do we want?

I think that for most of us who are or were depressed to have someone understand what we are living through–but let’s be frank–unless you yourself  have experienced the deadening feeling of depression it is quite a leap for others to try and understand our experience if they have never been there themselves. And really this is the reason we have a support group for those of us who can come together and get support. We are not alone. We have walked the walk where we were all alone and in  a continued isolation from family, friends and our world.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

In a social diagnosis made by C. Lasch,  (La cultura del narcissimo (Andres Bello, Barcelona. 1999). “who typified  our contemporary culture as a culture of narcissism – a culture in which every person relies on himself alone and is horrified by old age and radically  marginalizes the elderly.” (Dolentium Hominum. Church and Health in the world. xix. 2004.)

Social support for   those of us who are or have been depressed has  saved many of us from those deeper and life threatening  forms of addiction, such as alcoholism, gambling,  pornography, hoarding.  We  have become a materialistic  throw away society,  craving more things to consume and  more things  filling  up the hole of our emptiness.

While having already personally experienced the power of the 12 spiritual principles  of the 12 steps, plus a powerful social support  of the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, I know of the power of being with others who just like myself, who find unconditional acceptance from the group. I also continue to learn about and use the many tools that keep me from relapsing back into depression . In Depressed Anonymous we all speak the same language of hope and recovery.

Dr. Aquilino Polaino-Lorento, a psychopathologist,   in his  article Is depression solely a matter of medical intervention?  tells us   “the absence of social support  is not  a cause of depression but is its consequence….less social support meaning a greater expression of symptoms.”

Here are more of his thoughts on social support and how that can be a predictor in a depressed persons’ response to therapy. He shares the following;  Depressive illness in elderly patients is higher the lower the level of the social support they receive.The speed of the response to therapy correlates in both sexes with  the social support they received.  The higher the level  of social support the more rapid the response.

Social support for many who are depressed is just not there. Period. It is a sad fact that there is even a stigma placed on persons depressed.  A depressed person has need of other depressed persons who can give them hope that their experience doesn’t have to go on.  The  social support of a mutual aid group can give exactly this–support and hope. As  persons depressed have a tendency to isolate themselves — and  the less social support they receive the deeper the spiral into darkness.

So what we have here is that more persons in our modern societies are isolated and remote from others.  We have become nomads looking for more things, more experiences that deepen a focus  on oneself, pushes  us away from the community however large or small, and contributes to an attitude of “it’s all about me.”

So is all we are left with is a society filled with isolated narcissists? No, that doesn’t have to be at all.  But if we want help for those of us who are depressed, we learn that the greatest help can be not to judge, not to tell them how to live, but instead,  listen and be present to them as friend.

In our Dep-Anon Family Group Manual we have a section titled

    WHAT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS DEPRESSED.

“It is more tempting, when you find out someone is depressed to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed  persons has given you the permission to be their therapist (as a friend or a professional) , the following responses are more likely to help.

The things that didn’t make me feel worse are the words which 1) acknowledge my depression for  what it is (“No, its just a phase.”) 2) give me permission to feel depressed ( “But why should  you be sad?) .

Here is a list  of things that might be said to a depressed friend or family member. “

“I love you.”

“I care.”

“You are not alone in this.”

“I’m not going to leave you or abandon you.”

“Do you want a hug.”

“It will pass, we can ride it out together.”

“When all this is over, I’ll still be here (if you mean it) and so will you.”

“You are important to me.”

“We are not primarily on earth to see through someone –but to see one another through.”

“I am sorry that you’re in so much pain. I am not going to leave you.  I am going to take care of myself so that you don’t need to worry that your pain might hurt me.”

“I listen  to you talk about it, and I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I just can’t imagine how hard it must be?”

“I can’t fully understand  what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.”

If you need a friend…” (And mean it).

Here we are. There is hope and there is social support available.

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For more information please read and learn about the HOME STUDY KIT which one can use as an individual with their therapist, family member  or a friend.

The two works which comprise the Home Study Kit are:

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville.

and

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook(2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. These two works comprise the Home Study Kit.

Depressedanon.com (here at this site) has a daily blog from which information and inspiration can be experienced.

VISIT THE STORE for other   available literature. Remember, our literature is written by those of us who were depressed.

 

 

youI lov

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Faith, Fellowship, Hope, Isolation, Step 01, The 12 Steps

No pain – no gain! We pay a price to free ourselves from any and all addictions

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First of all we know that the first step to freeing ourselves from the deadly clutches of any and all addictions is to ADMIT that our life is out of control, unmanageable and that  we are powerless  over what has us by the throat! Our lives have hit the wall and there is no place to go but to seek HELP. Humbling it is. To ask for help. But it is absolutely necessary if we are to free ourselves from the pain of any addiction.

I am speaking from my own experience with that deadly and scary reality that we all know as  depression. I finally came to the frightful reality that if I wanted my life back then I would have to do something that I had never done before.  I had to admit that I was beat. I had it. My life was a mess and I had created it by gradually drifting away from taking care of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual life. Just by my admission that my life was in shambles, I realized, begrudgingly, that I had to take full responsibility for cleaning up the mess. And where was I to find that  solution to the cancer-like illness  which was eating me up with each depressed and hopeless breath?

From Alcoholics Anonymous I found my solution. They told me that my pain was the door that I had to go through if I was ever to find any peace for my troubled life.  And so I went through that door which opened me up to hope and belief that there truly was a way the  out of the daily mental grind of sadness and despair. It came  to me that the fellowship of those using and working the 12 Steps of recovery  had all found a home.

“There was a time when we ignored trouble , hoping it would go away. Or, in fear and in depression, we ran from it, but found  it was still with us. Often, full of unreason, bitterness, and blame, we fought back. These mistaken attitudes, powered by alcohol, guaranteed the destruction, unless they were altered.

Bill W., continues sharing,     “Then came A.A. Here we learned that trouble was really a fact of life for everybody – a fact , that had to be understood and dealt with. Surprisingly, we found that our troubles could under  God’s grace, be converted into unimagined blessings.”

“Indeed, that was the essence of A.A. itself: trouble accepted, trouble squarely faced with calm courage, trouble lessened and often transcended. This was the A.A. story, and we became a part of it. Such demonstrations  became our stock in trade for the next sufferer.”

Because of my own terrible pain of an insufferable depression I founded a group centered on the 12 Steps  and which made these spiritual principles part and parcel of my daily life.  This group is aptly called Depressed Anonymous.

Yes, I still have troubles, but now I can help others by sharing my own story of hope and serenity . Even though we may not be alcoholics, we can have a hope that these Steps can help me as well to leave the prison of depression.

For more information about who we are and what we are about please take a look at the menu that appears on the first page of our website Depressed Anonymous.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook  tells us  how “Where humility had formerly  stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.

This improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come out of painful ego puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems.

We fled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to deal with the fact  of suffering. Then in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets.  We heard story  after story  of how humility  had brought strength out  of weakness. In  every case pain had been the price of admission into a new life.  But this  admission price  had purchased more than we expected. It bought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to  be a  healer of pain. We began to fear pain less and  desire  humility more than ever. ”

Are you will to pay the price?

SOURCES:    As Bill sees it: The A.A. Way of life…selected writings of A.A.’s co-founder. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc., New York.

  The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. pg.60-61.

                           Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition.(2011 Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

For more literature please VISIT THE STORE. Also note that the HOME STUDY SELF HELP STUDY combo can be purchased together. All purchases can be made online at this site.

 

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Faith, Fellowship, Higher Power, Journaling, Purpose

First, be true to one’s own self.

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Way 13 of the 15 ways to leave the prison of depression.

“I’d rather be imperfect and happy than always trying to be perfect.”

One of the areas in my life where I strive to excel is in the area of trying to be perfect. Somewhere in our early development as children we got the message that if we were perfect we could be more acceptable to others. I gradually began to believe the more I tried to please others that this would bring me  happiness. Instead, all it brought me was a loss of myself. The loss of self reduced me to a shallow self without direction or meaning. I also had the false belief that the more predictable life is, I felt the less stressed my life would be. But in reality, just the opposite happened. By holding onto life with a tight grip, I needed to make sure that any decision that I made would have to have a predictable outcome.  I could only operate if there were no risks involved in what I planned to do. This kept me gradually pulling away from forming new relationships  and trying new things in my life.

Eventually, my depression became sort of a comfort as it kept me from having to risk an unpredictable life. In other words, this way of living took away all hope. This is what keeps many  of us depressed. We hold onto the mistaken belief that since bad  things happened in the past, bad things will continue to happen to us in the future.

This belief keeps us locked up in the prison of depression. We don’t believe anything will change. What a set up for depression. We have a difficult time realizing that we do have a choice in the way we think, feel and behave. We can live a life free of misery by following a recovery program as outlined in the suggested 12 steps of Depressed Anonymous. By coming often to meetings and getting involved with others not only gives us reason to have  days filled with friends and help, it also provides us with a daily program  step-by-step,  for leaving the prison of depression.”

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SOURCE:   COPYRIGHT(C) BELIEVING  IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON  OF DEPRESSION  (2017) . Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 63-64.

For more information about literature that is available please VISIT THE STORE here at this site.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Compulsion, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, The 12 Steps

Get connected! Learn how to get connected and begin feeling better!!

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#NINE BELIEF

Excerpts from Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) DAP. Louisville. pgs 47-50.

“Withdrawing from friends and other social contacts is the first clue that you are slipping back into the isolation and pain of depression. Move toward a friend,  get a sponsor, and go to a 12 Step meeting. Ask your Higher Power for that  nudge that can guide you into the appropriate path.”

“I know in my heart that when I just sit at home by myself, isolating and ruminating within my head about all the terrible things that have happened to me, or are about to happen, that is when I depress  myself even more. Get connected!”

It’s our addictive thinking, our compulsive way of processing infor- mation, which describes how we habitually store the negative but continue to dump the positive information which continually  24/7 flows into our brain. These negative thoughts and feelings persist in keeping  us falling back into the old habit of staying isolated and avoiding others. We might fool ourselves and say that people have nothing to offer me and that is why I distance myself from everyone. Part of my nature when depressed is to avoid and distance myself from whatever I feel is threatening, like a child afraid of the dark.

We know that depression grows stronger when   isolating ourselves from others.

Dorothy Rowe,  tells us in her award winning book, DEPRESSION: THE WAY OUT OF YOUR PRISON, that

“Seeing yourself as  a basically  good person reduces the need  for other people’s approval. If you see yourself as good, you  can set up a select group of people whose approval you desire and can be indifferent to the opinion of the multitude. But if you see yourself as basically bad then you need everybody’s approval….”

David Karp,   in  SPEAKING OF SADNESS  shares the following thought

” that depression is an illness of isolation, a dis-ease of disconnection. As with much of social life, and consequently with much compelling sociological analysis, it is irony that captures the complexity of things. The irony to be explained in Chapter 2 is that depressed persons greatly desire connection  while they are simultaneously deprived of the ability to realize it. Much of depression’s pain arises out of the recognition that what might make one feel better –human connection–seems impossible in the midst of a paralyzing episode of depression. It is rather like dying from thirst while looking at a glass of water just beyond one’s reach.”

For those who have no Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group to connect with in their own local community, our  Publisher, Depressed Anonymous Publications has made available the HOME SELF STUDY KIT. The HOME  SELF STUDY KIT program of recovery includes both the  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.  These  two excellent guides provide us with a path out of depression.   By  answering the stimulating  questions  as provided by the WORKBOOK, one also is able to discover the nature of depression while learning how to apply the 12 spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous to their own lives.

No longer do we have to be alone or feel disconnected in our depression. We provide the necessary resources to help an individual be connected with a community worldwide  who know what it means to be depressed. You don’t have to be alone any longer!

To see what literature is available from our Publisher,   visit the STORE here at our website  www.depressedanon.com. You can now order online.

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship

“I wanna be free and live a life free from fear and anxiety!

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” Came to believe that  a power greater than  ourselves can restore us to sanity.”

Now that I’m beginning to make an effort that this higher power is really on my side the more my faith and belief will help me overcome my fear of failure that  my depression ever coming to an end.

My fears, anxieties and other obstacles to my serenity will gradually disappear the more I learn that there is somebody up there that love me and wants me to be free from that gnawing emptiness   that continually plagues me  day after day. I am beginning to see that the more I attend meetings and read   my  Depressed Anonymous Big Book, and do my daily meditations the more peace and hope I will have. I truly believe that  life will  get better for me.  My sanity and my health will increase like a seed watered, nurtured and which receives a lot of sunlight.

 

We aren’t alone anymore. In fact, we are strengthened by the bonds of fellowship and friendship in the group and not burdened by the fear that we will again soon slump back  into our depression.” The Depressed Anonymous Workbook/Step 2-Page 13.

Excerpts from  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.

“This new belief in a Higher Power is not the creation of any organized religion but instead is the Power that creates the universe. Our surrender and trust in it frees it to work its way in our life. That is a paradox of the 12 Steps – the more we depend on the Higher Power instead of our addictions,  the freer we in reality become.”

For the depressed person,  giving up old ways of thinking and acting is much like giving up any other addiction – at first letting go of the old behavior makes you feel  uncomfortable.  The  old behavior  wants  to  cling  to  our spirit  like swamp  mud hangs onto knee-high boots. Before your participation  in Depressed Anonymous you would go home from work, get by yourself and ruminate on how bad you felt. This new behavior will help you think differently about yourself. You will find that this higher power, or God as you understand him, is not the same God that you might have met when you were young. When you were a child you came to believe that God is watching you, ready  to punish you if you are not perfect. Now you can  begin to develop an adult and new way of being related  to God as you understand God.  With time, persistence and patience you will gradually trust your life to this Higher Power. ”

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville. Page 43.

SOURCE: HOME STUDY PROGRAM. Please see Depressed Anonymous  literature  for more information.  You are able to order your own Kit online from www.depressedanon.com.

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

A potent means of recovery

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The Twelve Steps are the essential beliefs and at the very core of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous recovery program was modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous. which was originally developed  to help men and women deal with their addiction to alcohol one day at a time. The Twelve Steps have been found to be  a potent means of recovery for those who desire to free  themselves from their compulsions. The Twelve Steps are basically a program of letting go of our compulsions and handing over our will to the care of God, as we understand God. Essentially, our program is a Step by Step way to change not only our addiction, but our way of life. Change happens when we choose to change. The fellowship of the group and our desiring to make changes in our life is what provides our life-giving  spiritual experience. Most people  get organized religion and spirituality mixed up. Depressed Anonymous achieves strength from spirituality without set creed, dogma or doctrine. All the program asks of a person who come to the meetings is only to have a sincere desire to stop the compulsion of saddening themselves.

We make no apologies for our faith in a God that can restore us not only to sanity, but to serenity and joy as well.

“We never apologize for God. Instead, we let God demonstrate through us, what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what God would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.” Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

SOURCES: (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 162.

(c)  Believing is seeing: 15 Ways to leave the prison of depression (2016) Hugh Smith, Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (1986, 2013) 2nd edition. Hugh Smith . Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

 

12 Step Meeting, Purpose

Our feelings come about due to how we think of things

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Happiness is an elusive feeling – and for each of us happiness can mean something very different. When I say to myself “life doesn’t get any better than this,” then I know that life is indeed good and that all is well with my soul.

What can keep us in the prison of depression is a construction that we place on events and situations that occur in our world.

To be free means  to act with a degree of spontaneity. This after all, is the opposite of depression. Events of themselves are not the cause for depression – similar events are in the lives of many folks  but there are some folks that don’t experience depression because of them. So, it must be the way we think about these events and the meanings that we place on the situation. Our lives and the way we look at life is composed of past and present events. Our past life is a way we predict the future. “Since bad things have happened to me in the past – bad things are bound to happen to me in the future.” How true this is.  Our  prison is composed of blocks of times and situations which at one time were fluid – like a river moving. Since these events affect our sense of self – we caused the river to stop flowing – and instead our painful thoughts and feelings – are the blocks that make up the walls of our personal prison. We need to restore the fluidity the of our lives. Once when our self has been restored – namely our spontaneity,  we will experience freedom and happiness. By having that spiritual experience and being an active member of  the fellowship  of Depressed Anonymous is what can restore us to sanity. Happiness comes from finding loving support, and acceptance.”

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SOURCES:  (C)   The Promises. (2002). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville.

(C)The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, 2nd edition. (2002)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

12 Step Meeting

JOINING A DEPRESSION MUTUAL AID SUPPORT GROUP

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“…   Joining a self-help group will be one of the most valuable things you can do. You will meet a group of people who know what it is to be depressed. You don’t have to explain it to them, or apologize, or pretend that you are happy when you are not. In a self-help group you give and receive friendship and in sharing the responsibility for the group you build up your confidence and self respect.

Well, those are some ideas about where you can get help provided you’re prepared to go and find it and to work hard with what you are offered. Spoon – feeding is no use to you. You have to feed yourself.”

Sources: Copyright(c) Depression: The way out of your prison. Dorothy Rowe. Page 209.

in Copyright(c)  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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12 Step Meeting, Fellowship

“It also comes to pass that our hunches are more right than wrong.”

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We think about the 24 hours ahead when we wake up, and attempt to live the day in honesty and peace.  We ask God to ward off thoughts of self-seeking, dishonesty and false motives. And as AA says, when we are faced with indecision about something we then ask God for inspiration and we let go of struggling for an answer. Alcoholics Anonymous says that you will be surprised at how the right answers will come after we have practiced this way of living. It also comes to pass that our hunches are more right than wrong. We also pause throughout the day when we are fearful, puzzled or anxious. We pray to the Higher Power for which  direction to take. I like the suggestion the best when AA says that “we constantly remind ourselves,  we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.”  We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. By coming to the meetings and admitting our addictions we finally got in touch with these emotions that have all but shut down from an early time in our lives, when to feel, hurt too much. We now have the chance to let these feelings get displayed and expressed in the supportive and trusting environment of our newly chosen family of the Depressed Anonymous group.”

Source: I’ll  do it when I feel better. (2015). Smith, Hugh.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 99.