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Category Archives: 12 Step Meeting
The best way to live with sadness is to share it
DECISION 11: I will let go of envy and allow myself to be sad.
“Actually, envy is only possible when we distance ourselves
from people. Once we get close to other people and discover their point of view, we discover also that all people have their own troubles. Every advantage in life has its own disadvantages. Envying people is a waste of time. And time runs out for all of us. Even if we never wasted time being frightened, angry, envious, lonely and depressed, we still could not fit into a lifetime of all the marvelous things we could do.”
Dorothy reminds us that “the best way to live with sadness is to share it.”
Dorothy Rowe. Breaking the Bonds: Understanding Depression, Finding Freedom. Fontana. London. 1991. Pages 270-271.
(Leaving Loneliness Behind. The Twelve Decisions.)
I will try to improve my understanding of my behavior
LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND: 12 DECSIONS
“DECISION 7: I WILL TRY TO IMPROVE MY UNDERSTANDING OF MY BEHAVIOR.”
All actions have consequences. and they are usually different from what we expect.
In a situation where we want our cake and eat it too, we always try to have both, but we learn that in trying to get both, we lose both.
If you are to improve your skills in understanding people, in order to rid your loneliness, working out the consequences OF what you and others do, is extremely important.
You really have to develop more flexible ways in dealing with the consequences when the consequence is anger.”
TOMORROW DECISION 8: I WILL BE MORE ACCEPTING OF OTHER PEOPLES ANGER AND NOT TAKE It PERSONALLY.”
Depressed Anonymous Conference on Hope
| Date: | Saturday 4 March 2023 |
| Time: | 11:00am – 4:00pm Eastern time |
| Zoom Meeting ID: | 851 593 3239 |
| Passcode: | hope |
| Direct link: | https://us02web.zoom.us/j/8515933239 |
The theme for the conference is hope.
There will be 5 time slots. Four of the time slots will be speakers sharing their story of recovery and weaving in the topic of hope. One of the time slots will be a brief meditation session and a brief yoga session.
All sessions will be recorded and shortly after the conference an audio only version will be available on the Depressed Anonymous website.
We hope to see you there.
If you would like to download a file containing the pertinent conference information please click: DAHopeConference.ics and then open the file on your phone or computer to add it to your calendar.
If you happen to use Google Calendar you can add the conference directly to your calendar by clicking: 
Here is a link to a flyer if you want to distribute to others: DA Hope Conference
Do you want to hear what happened at the first Depressed Anonymous conference? Recordings can be found here: Depressed Anonymous Conference Recordings
Leaving Loneliness Behind (3) – Our Twelve decisions
DECISION #3. “I don’t expect instant results or results commensurate with efforts that I have made.
One of the mistakes which relatives and friends of those who are depressed make:
A. I have given the person my love and attention. Why isn’t he or she better?
B. I have given the person a good amount of my time and attention, why doesn’t he/she show any amount of improvement?
You can make similar mistakes. You can think:
(a) I have given the them my time and attention, so why aren’t they close friends with me now?
(b) And, I have given this person so much attention, why don’t we have a close friendship now?
(c) I have given them so much of my time, why haven’t I stopped from being lonely?
It can take a person quite a long time to get to know each other, so you need to be patient with other people. It will take you both some time to give up the habit of making friends just on appearances only, when risking the telling to others about yourself. This is not an easy thing to do. We don’t want to be rejected.
We must take into account how any society, has its rules and practices about meeting and making friends. Different cultures and nationalities have different ways of making friends, and even though they are different, doesn’t mean that they are better than my own. They are just different.
We need to spend quality time together to get to know each other. We need to listen to their life stories and they listen to our experiences.
Friendship is not a matter of getting persons to be interested in you alone, as it is about forming a relationship with another.It is most important for you to show interest in the other person.”
Tomorrow: (4) I WILL BE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON.
LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND – DISMANTLING THE BARRIERS
Leaving loneliness behind. Dismantling the barriers.
THE TWELVE DECISIONS
What is loneliness?
“Loneliness is the state of being cut off from other people, through fear of other people. Loneliness is felt as a barrier and an emptiness between yourself and other people. You reach out to other people but the barrier intervenes. You take a step toward other people, but there is no place to put your foot. People come towards you and your loneliness shuts them out.”
“It is your loneliness rather than the absence of other people that leads you to be alone.” Dorothy Rowe. Ph.D
The only person that is going to take your loneliness away is you. This is what you do. You make 12 decisions and carry them out.
DECISION 1. BECAUSE I VALUE MYSELF AND ACCEPT MYSELF I WILL END MY LONELINESS.
In our planned conversation about how to leave our loneliness behind, I have noticed my own presence, as at a Depressed Anonymous meeting, whether on ZOOM or Face to face, each of us is provided a way to risk telling others who we are and what we are not. This presence gradually instills in our mind the fact that “Hey, I feel more with others when I can share.” I no longer feel so alone now. After our sharing at a DA meeting, others in the group connect with who we are.This personal sharing tells others how we intend to live out our lives. We share how our lives were before coming to the meeting of others like ourselves.
I believe this personal sharing and risking things about ourselves, will carry out beyond this one hour of meeting, having a gradual and positive effect in our world where we live out our lives. Now, you are able to maximize a good experience (group sharing) being being accepted and loved. This online group or a face to face group, is like a surrogate family. Whereas, when you were born into a family–not of your own choosing, you make a decision to choose this DA group as your family. I make a choice as to who I share my life. By making the decision, you will begin to value yourself as a worthwhile person. At the meeting, people really listen to what I have to say.
It helps to get close to others by helping them tell us who they are. We will hear their stories. And to get closer to others, you can do this by asking questions, asking how they are, what they are interested in, and other areas of their lives. They will begin to let you into their private world. You will let them into your world. A barrier has been dismantled.
This sharing at our DA meetings, a place of feeling safe,I can allow myself to chip away the barriers that once made me feel alone and afraid. THe old thoughts that we once felt we had to defend ourselves against, by erecting walls, built during our childhood days, will no longer be needed.
It is this first decision that we make, to value and accept ourseves and risk sharing my story with others. This will be the start, for breaking down those barriers which kept me from telling others who I am.
Tomorrow, we will Share Decison 2: “I will take the risk of approaching others.” Stay tuned.
Hugh S.
NOTE: Quotations are from Dorothy Rowe’s “Breaking the bonds. Understanding Depression, finding freedom. Fontana, 1991. London, UK.
New meeting recording – 13 January 2023
Fresh off the presses. A new meeting recording. Enjoy.
New Step Study meeting – Wednesday 11:00am ET
Folks there is another new meeting. This one is a different format – Step Study. The meetings will be weekly on Wednesday from 11:00am ET to 12:00pm ET. Same Zoom link and passcode.
See the new listing at: Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings
Stay six feet apart, Wash your hands, Stay home
Stay six feet apart. Use sanitizer. Wear mask. Stay clear of large gatherings – especially indoors. Everywhere we went, we got the message, that life suddenly became threatened by an unseen enemy, the covid 19 virus. Most times, the virus took the lives of our elders, who were most vulnerable. Our Grandparents, our elderly loved ones in nursing homes, were decimated
Today, we now use the terms, Pre-pandemic and post pandemic. It’s almost like it never happened. Things are getting back to normal. Almost, but not completely. It has ravaged our businesses, workers without jobs.
It’s still here. Everywhere we go, with floor markings still looking up at us at the post office, pharmacy, the grocery store all reminding of a past where more than 1 million Americans died from this deadly virus. It definitely has turned our lives upside down.
In Kentucky, the Bourbon center of the world, distilleries were using the alcohol, normally for making whiskey, switching to making sanitizer hand lotions.
For many of us, who had the covid 19 , and survived, are “the long haulers” who still carry within them, some of the symptoms, including anxiety, depression, fatigue, insomnia and other health conditions, much of which continue to threaten our own mental health.
The pandemic is taking its toll on us, our youth, our elderly and those who struggle with other serious respiratory illnesses.
What used to energize us and make us, as humans, social creatures, the virus came along and made us into hermits, alone, isolated and fearful.
The “pandemic brain” is a name given to those who are the “long haulers” and whose cognitive abilities are affected and who still face some of those debilitating symptoms which can plague them everyday.
HOW CAN WE FIND THE HELP WE NEED?
I would look for a mental health person or group resource where others like ourselves, who are having the same issues, resultant from the traumatic effects of the pandemic.
Because depression is one of the major issues that are the result of the pandemic, find a support group or mental health agency that devotes its time and care to those of us who are having trouble functioning in this post pandemic world.
As a depression support group, the 12 Step Depressed Anonymous recovery program is now online, offering meetings on a daily basis for those who seek a safe place, with persons like themselves. We do have a voice in this mutual aid fellowship, where we can choose to share our story, or remain silent, listen, feel accepted, and find ourselves among kindred spirits. We are all here to help ourselves, and by that, help ohers at the same time..
Please free to attend our daily meetings on OUR ZOOM virtual fellowship group of Depressed Anonymous. Go to our website at Depressedanon.com, sign on, go to the meetings menu at the Home page, and it will take you to the link, taking you to our daily schedule of meetings, here in the USA and internationally.
We look forward to seeing you at our meetings. There are no fees or dues.
For the fellowship, Hugh S
What is an emotional laryngitis condition?
Have you ever experienced laryngitis, that inflammation of the larynx, often accompanied by a temporary loss of your voice. Most probably you have have had that experience. It’s more of a nuisance than anything. But nevertheless, a problem that lingers around for a short time. This is a case which if you want to be heard, you have to whisper really loud.
Now how about your experience with an emotional laryngitis condition, a metaphor for being unable to voice unpleasant feelings, which causes you to be stuck in the dark pit of depression.
To experience an emotional loss of your voice, usually starts at a young age. You remember the saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” And as it works out, that is precisely what happened to so many of us growing up. We lost our voice. We couldn’t share our feelings of hurt and loss.
We stuffed our feelings. We buried the pain of growing up, where we felt abandoned and unloved. We tried to forget about them. Which we did. Buried in our unconscious.
When we wanted to have a grownup, a parent, a family member listen to what we had to say, nobody cared what we had to say. We felt invisible. Also, to cry was forbidden. The message that we heard was “Little boys don’t cry.” Or, “just get over it.” Or, “suck it up.”
I remember on one occasion, standing near my mom and dad, I tried to tell them something. They ignored me. I remember feeling hurt that they didn’t want to listen to me. Strange, it was that one time which I do remember and I still wonder why I remember that one time. Does this mean my voice was always heard and that this time was an exception? I don’t know.
How often do I hear adults tell me HOW their home life was chaotic, filled with anger and fighting parents.
Usually, it was because of one or both of the parents were alcoholics and they NEVER wanted or even suggested, that they wanted to know how we felt or what was happening in our lives. In fact, our whole family didn’t want to hear from us. They never seemed to make time for us in their lives. We didn’t feel safe, and definitely we did not feel love. And what do we do? We began to hide, isolate ourselves creating our own little fantasy worlds. We wanted to have someone hear our voice. But there was never anyone that would listen to how we were feeling. We were the lost child.
Fast forward. As adults now, we discovered we have been addicted to alcohol, or opioid or gambling.or pornography. Anything to remove the pain.The core of all of these addictions, both substance and process addictions, were my attempt to fill the hole in my soul. Not only had we lost our voice, but we almost lost our lives. We lost the purpose for our lives. Not being able to tell people who we are had robbed us of the one thing that might have saved me – my voice. I was too scared to use it.
I needed to tell my story. How I survived. I never wanted to lose my voice again. Today is a good day.
Not until I became an adult did I attend a Twelve Step Depressed Anonymous meeting. It was here that I would use my voice and tell total strangers about all the losses in my life. It is here, that all my feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant are voiced. They heard me. They heard my voice. They listened to me. They didn’t judge me. I had RECLAIMED my ability to use my voice. I could talk about my feelings. My worst life hurts could now be shared and voiced. i was no longer the lost child. No longer was I the victim, the martyr, a clown seeking attention. And, all the time seeking for someone to tell me that I was loved.
It is here that my emotional laryngitis, accompanying me throughout my life, would no longer keep me from voicing who I am and who I want to be. No longer were my feelings shut down and no longer was I invisible. I am here–deal with it!
If you, are having an emotional laryngitis condition, and need a way to use your voice, and share you feelings, then we have a group for you. We call ourselves the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous. You will always be welcomed into our fellowship.
For more information about who we are, click onto our website at depressedanon.com. Attend our Depressed Anonymous daily group zoom meetings and begin to hear the voices of hope. Come and share your own VOICE.
Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, (3rd Edition) 2011. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky.
Hugh S., for the fellowship