Category Archives: Supportive Actions

Fellowship, Spiritual Heroes

WE HUMANS ARE ABOUT CREATING MEANING! IS IT TRUE THAT WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU GET?

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One of the main paths that leads out of the prison of depression is for those of us who are depressed is to begin  to believe that a power greater than themselves is what is going to set us free. Bill W., a cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous reminds us of the reality of that power greater than ourselves.

“I had always believed in a  power greater than myself. I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist. Few people really are, for that means that blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated as a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere. My intellectual heroes, the chemists, the  astronomers, even the evolutionists, suggested vast laws and forces at work..Despite contrary indications, I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and rhythm  underlie  all. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who neither knew time nor limitation. But that was as  far as I had gone. ” Bill W., AA. p10)

Like any person addicted to a chemical substance, a relationship or a behavior, we know that our will power doesn’t get us free. Our disabling attachments are more forceful than the power of our wills. Our will is essentially like an alcoholic’s first  drink or that first dip of ice cream. (I have an attachment to ice cream!)

All of what I have written down so far (Depressed Once-Not Twice) has to do with creating meaning. Humans have as their occupation to constantly create meaning for their lives. Whatever we do has to have meaning for their lives. Whatever we do has to have meaning. I saw that my Dad was gone, my girlfriend was gone, a ministry of 20 years was gone, friends of many years were now gone, and my role as a Christian minister were gone, and most important of all, I had felt that I had lost myself. I lost touch with my real self. I felt alone and worthless. I even had the thought that if someone were seen laughing or having a good time  –this made me angry. How dare anyone could smile while I felt so miserable, This feeling made me think that my brain felt as if it were made out of cotton. I couldn’t shove another thought into my head –not even with a jackhammer. It was as if the cells of my brain were filled to the brim.

There was nothing that I could do to shake these horrible and painful feelings. My mind like wise  was unable to focus or concentrate on anything. My memory was affected and it was impossible to retain a passage from whatever I happened to be reading. I no longer could keep my mind on anything and to read even a paragraph from a book wore me out.

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Fellowship, Hope, Victim Thinking

I BEGAN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW I FEEL, THINK AND BEHAVE. I AM NOT A VICTIM!

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” You  might now be feeling better for the first time in your life as you continue to make a conscious effort to take responsibility for your sadness.”

I began to take responsibility for how I feel, think and behave.

REFLECTION

One of the hopeful sights to see at a Twelve Step meeting is that the people who work their program and who are serious about leaving their depression start to not only look more content with themselves, their world and their future, but they also seem to be enjoying life once again.

Teresa told me that her Doctor never once said she was depressed after her physical exam and it wasn’t until she got involved in therapy with me did she learn that what she had  been feeling for months before was her depression, She was relieved to know that she wasn’t losing her mind but only that she was experiencing the excruciating sadness that we all create when  we get depressed.

She will feel better when she learns that it’s her life and the way she chooses to interpret what happens to her is also her choice. Misery is an option and if she wants  to go for that she may, but if she wants to live with  some unpredictability in  life, then she needs to get ready for some bumps in the road  – but also she needs to be prepared to smile, laugh and know that her life can be filled with hope.

 MEDITATION

God please give us the wisdom to know that you want us to enjoy this life while we are here. We want to to enjoy it, so let us seek to want to be in your will. We can make it.

Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Spiritual Heroes, The 12 Steps

DEPENDING ON OTHERS APPROVAL?

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AFFIRMATION

I am getting healthier the more I realize that I don’t have to feel the way I feel and that I have the options to feel content and even smile today if I desire. I will act like I want to smile even though I don’t feel like smiling.

“If you have made yourself a martyr to your unappreciative  family, remember the principle of partial reinforcement and apply it to your family.  If you are always at their beck and call trying to meet their every demand, they will not appreciate you, but once they find that they cannot rely on you to meet their needs, they will appreciate what you do for them.” (7)

REFLECTION

I    know that so  often those who are codependent and live all the time in everyone else’s feelings need to remember that the real maturity and happiness lies in being there for myself—not for everyone else.  I think that this reflection points out  the fact that I need to reinforce my own worth by going to meetings, actively getting involved with my own  recovery and putting the recovery over anything or  anyone else.  If I am going to begin to be  a pleasant person, I will want  to learn how to be pleasant to myself.

Now is the time and this is the program where I start to detach from other people’s opinion’s of myself and start to reflect on my own opinion  When I am depressed, I know that I have not been able to forgive anyone, much less forgive myself. I feel totally cheerless. I meet my own demands and continue to work the  Steps so as to get in touch with what I need to do to reinforce those positive concepts that I am forming about myself. I need to get prepared for a new me today. We are now on a different basis: the basis of trusting and relying upon  God. We trust, infinite God rather than our finite selves. Just to the  extent that we do as we think God would have us do, and so humbly rely on  God, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity.” Bill W.

MEDITATION

When we gradually work our way to the real self we get closer to God who made us.

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SOURCE: Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville, KY 40217.

Fellowship

A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES

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I love that statement.  A few times with my work in the prison system I ran across one or two individuals who said  that they didn’t believe in God. No one fell off their chairs when that statement was made. Like, this wasn’t a church meeting by any mean. I remember the one man telling us that the Depressed Anonymous group was his Higher power. It was this group that met every week in which he could share the ups and downs of his prison life. The group was there when he needed them and who shared their own stories of pain and the need for  the fellowship’s support. 

Was I a prisoner?  Well, like all persons depressed, I felt that I was in continual lock down.I felt that my own isolating  behavior prevented me,  by my own feelings of shame and guilt to remain locked up behind the bars of fear and anxiety.  But I also knew that we all were kindred spirits.  We all experienced or were experiencing the pain of depression.  We all were fighting this thing together. We knew that we were all equal in this fellowship. Even though I did not live my life in a physical prison, I knew that my own isolation and fear kept me chained to my past. The new me, thanks to a gradual spiritual awakening, and dependence upon my Higher Power and  support of the fellowship of my Depressed  Anonymous group, I finally moved out of the dark world of depression.

I do hope as time goes by to put emphasis upon this Power greater than ourselves. And what is the Power? How do you contact it? How does one  “…come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity? STEP TWO OF DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS

For a refresher, you might like to go to our website menu where you can read THE PROMISES OF DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS. I know these Promises to be true ..they happened for me.

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

“Joining a self-help group will be one of the most valuable things you can do.”

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AFFIRMATION

I thank God for the group and the belief that I have every right to be here..

“Free and truthful discussions only possible between people who see each other  as equal members of the human race.   Joining a self-help group will be one of the most valuable things you can do.  You will meet a group of people who know what it is to be depressed. You don’t have to explain it to them, or apologize, or pretend that you are happy when you are not.  In a self-help group you give and receive friendship, and in sharing the responsibility for the group you build up your confidence and self-respect.”

REFLECTION

I have learned that there is a miracle of the group that takes place when persons with the same needs and experiences of isolation get together.  They discuss with each other how their lives were before they entered their particular Twelve Step group, and how they are now, now  that they have a positive program which gives direction to their lives.

In the Fellowship I find that I can be as honest as I like. No one will look down on me for saying how I need to change the way I perceive my world, my life and my thoughts.

MEDITATION

The spirit of God is in each of us as we become more conscious of the fact that that its spirit wants to be the leading light of our life. Our Twelve Step program help us see that when we consciously desire that God work in our lives, it is possible for us to admit that we are powerless over our depression. When  we start to work the program, we start to find some peace.

See Step 1

In the Fellowship I find that I can be as honest as I lioke.  No opne will look dopwnm on  me for saying jow I need to change the way I perfceivemy world, my life and  my thoughts.

MEDITATION

The spirit of God is in each of us as we beecom,e more conscious of the fact that its spirit wants ot be the leasding light of our lifge.  OOur Tswelve Step ropgram helps us see that when we consciously desirte that God work in our livesd, it ism [possioble for us to admit that we are powerless over our depression. When we start to work the program, we start to find some peace.”  See Step 1.

Acceptance, Belief, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus

BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION. ( SURRENDER AND WIN!)

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The First Way (#1) to leave the prison of depression: “WE ACCEPT AND BELIEVE THAT HOWEVER HOPELESS EVERYTHING APPEARS RIGHT NOW, WE WILL RECOVER FROM OUR DEPRESSION”

Often persons depressed give up the hope of feeling different. They can’t believe that they have the power to change the way they feel.  They don’t believe that they have a choice either to get well or to remain locked in the prison of depression.  This is why the belief coupled with the First Step of Depressed Anonymous, a Twelve Step mutual aid group, has a positive impact on one’s personal belief about the recovery process. The First Step of Depressed Anonymous states “We admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

First we have to admit that our lives are out of control. No matter how hard we have tried, we can’t shake this persistent hollow feeling that has us feeling hopeless and  helpless. This admission that we are powerless will begin to free us up and get us the help and support that we want. It’s a paradox. Surrender and win! The group doesn’t pass a magic wand over our head and suddenly you are freed of your symptoms of depression. In fact, the admission that we need help puts us in in contact with a step by step map which leads us out of the land of darkness into the land of light and hope.”

For more information see Literature reference

BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION. (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.  Pages 1-2.

Depressed Anonymous, Exercise, Fellowship

A SYMPTOM OF DEPRESSION IS THAT I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND!

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I thought I was losing my mind. Why?  Well, when I was depressed, when I tried to read something–anything, I found to my surprise that I couldn’t retain information that I just read. In fact I would have to go back and re-read what I had just read. After awhile it seemed futile trying to read anything and retain it.  And here is the catch– this is where I got scared–no, not just a little bit worried–I was shaken. It was as if I lost my short term memory completely. I wondered what was going on in my brain? Was I suffering from some rare neurological disease or what? As it turned out I was also completely washed out. I couldn’t wait to get home after work and go to bed.  And another thing is that if I saw someone laughing or having a good time — I hated it! What right did they have enjoying life when all I could feel was the pain of my melancholia. I was helpless and hopeless. I felt out of control plus unable to manage anything for myself that I would consider positive.

Quite a composite of symptoms all telling me that something was not right. But what was the answer? What could all this mean?

So, I  decided to move my body and get out everyday and put some miles on my feet. Get some exercise. Get the blood flowing to my brain and wherever else it needed to go. Since these events were something new to me I didn’t really know what I had. I just knew I needed to do something–so, walking seemed my best bet. Over a year’s time it worked its healing and slowly my cognitive abilities returned.  I began to feel more in control and a lightness came  to me which had slowly evaporated a year previous.  What I am trying to share with you here is that when and if these symptoms make up part of your living experience, just know that they won’t last forever.

One of the many treasures of the Depressed Anonymous group is that when I tell my story with all my crazy physical symptoms, and how over time they gradually left me, it is here that members  of our fellowship knew they had come to the right place for help. They are no longer alone. And, they have a toolbox of skills, thanks to those who share their stories of recovery and how they too are no longer depressed. My story is their story!

Fellowship, The 12 Steps

SHAME AND GUILT. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

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I remember with a great amount of clarity a situation that   shaped my entire life. The event happened more than 5 decades ago. The shaming event happened in the third grade. The teacher asked me a question which I couldn’t answer correctly. She asked me twice and the more that I tried to think what answer she wanted the more flustered I became. For years, I could feel the heat in my face. I know my face must have  been beet red. There I was standing alone in the middle of the seated classmates and feeling lost. And then she said those words that are imprinted on what seems like every synapse and cell in my brain.

“You will never be like your brother.” ( He happened  to be two years ahead of me in school. He was really smart). And then she compared me to my uncle who happened  to be a Bible scholar whom she knew.  By that time my face felt like it was burning up. And it wasn’t til decades later that I no longer felt the fiery warmth on my face as I thought about standing there, alone, in front of the class.  The feelings of heat welled up from inside of me as I even thought about that event those  years later. I was shamed. Shamed clear through. Every part of me felt absolutely worthless and alone. Shame produced in me the feeling that I was a MISTAKE. Not that I made a simple English  grammar mistake –but that I was a mistake. This shame gradually withered away the more I shared with others  my experience.

Put simply:   Guilt is when you do something that is bad and you know it, and then you feel bad about what you did or didn’t do.

So feeling you are a mistake –feeling all alone,  unacceptable to self and others, creates a person who tends to hide, isolate and feel no purpose for their lives.  In my case, it was after getting into a 12 step program of recovery that others were having the same feelings about themselves as I was.  It was here in the context of forming a trusting relationship with those like myself, that I slowly clawed my way out of my own little painful world, into a world where I was accepted for who I was. My story, was  accepted and I  was given the tools to live a life filled now with hope, serenity and purpose.

Counseling, Spirituality

Late UN-breaking news!

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Wow!  How about that? Late UN-breaking news? Everywhere you go–it’s late breaking news. Come on folks.

I would be satisfied with more late UN-breaking news myself.  Put a trailer at the bottom of the screen and just let the late breaking news pass us by–like a watching the #17 bus head down the street. Well, anyway, I have some late UN-breaking news for you. As you can tell from the title of my BLOG, what I share here is pretty much your regular UN-breaking news. You know, like hey, if you are depressed have you ever considered doing this or trying that or whatever for your melancholia. By the way, that is what they used to call it–melancholia.   That is about as UN-breaking  as you can get. If you feel depressed,  paralyzed by fear, fatigue and purposeless in your life it might be the news for you to know there is hope. Maybe you know or don’t know that many times people who come into  counseling  for their symptoms of depression want relief–and they want it now. Not tomorrow–not next week–they want it now. Yes, that is what they want. So did I when my life was falling   apart. I couldn’t even put a label on what was happening  inside of me. I felt helpless. Hopeless. But the REAL BREAKING NEWS is that we have discovered, like millions before us, that once I began to believe in a Power greater than myself, my life gradually began to change. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t have the magic potion or the magic wand to all of a sudden remove   feelings of pain, anxiety, fear and lack of a desire to want to live. Let me share with you what we do have to offer.  We have a suggested solution. (This is really old news.)

In the coming days  I would like to share with you   my thoughts -solutions- about depression and its relationship to spirituality. What this means is  there a Power greater than yourself that you believe in?

Stay tuned for more UN-breaking news to come. I think what we have to offer will provide you with HOPE!

Belief, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus, Purpose, Spirituality

A Power Greater Than Ourselves: Our Go To Person

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A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES: OUR GO TO PERSON

The more time that I spend in daily prayer and meditation the closer I feel to this Power greater than myself. Now, let’s be honest, it isn’t everyday that I feel this or think this way, but for most days I feel energized by my time in quiet listening. It was when I first joined a Twelve Step recovery program that I I knew that I was truly home. I had always been looking for a home where I could feel acceptance, nurturing and fellowship. It was at my first meeting, 32 years ago, that in all my brokenness, guilt and shame, that I felt I had made it home. It was here that I could reveal who I was, who I thought I was and get a plan for my life, just one 24 hour period at a time. My own feelings of being totally accepted in this new fellowship created in me the belief, without  doubt, that  sanity would be restored to me. How did I know this? What made me a believer? Simply the fact that the members of the group had pretty much the same story as my own. But for all of this, what stood out was the basic belief among all of the members, that there is a Power, and it is greater than me. And that this Power, whom we understand as God, is my GO TO person every day of my life. And the two things this group taught me early on,  is that THERE IS A GOD, AND IT IS NOT ME!

If today you are feeling alone, lost and frightened, please join me here everyday, as I speak about spirituality and the Power greater than myself,  and what it has to do with my recovery, and how it impacts  on our search for  that serenity that we are all seeking. Remember what you seek, seeks you!