I remember well how a person’s personal narrative  describes their experiences with depression.  I hear it almost daily; read about it almost daily; and respond to it almost daily. As a victim, survivor of depression,  I have gradually morphed into a communicator of hope for the depressed,  family members and friends.   Because  they believe in heir own  narrative of hoplessness and helplessness and all the while  discounting  the fact  that things will ever be alright.   I can tell people all day long that it is “gonna be alright”  and the response usually  is,”great, but when?” Let me tell my story.

Since 1985, as a person depressed myself, and using tools that I learned along the way  to becoming   a survivor,  I gradually learned of a plan. It was a simple plan. It was based on 12 simple spiritual principles.  By spiritual, I  mean   simple spiritual principles,  that there is a God that loves me. I call this my Higher Power,  that deep inner  loving force which gives us the power to respond, especially in our deep personal crises,  giving us  strength, making it possible to use our mind and heart to trust in its power.   Our trust and our own surrender to its will for us,  that divine guide, will lead us out of the darkness.  After a time, I was more and more intent on listening to  the voice in my head that said, “you are going to make it!” Not the voice that said, I was hopeless and worthless.

I have dedicated much of my life,  always with  hope  that you and I and all the depressed,  can survive the isolation, self-hatred and helplessness  that we have built   and creating  the  prison of depression  which afforded us no escape. We really believed that we had been served a lifetime sentence of being in an emotional and mental lockdown .  Gradually , our own thinking and deepening moods of hopelessness and helplessness  became life threatening.

Once free of the depression shackles I began to share with the depressed my plan! Actually, I had nothing to do with formulating this plan of recovery and survival.

The  plan was developed by two guys, one a stockbroker and the other an MD. Both came from being victims of alcoholism to being survivors. They lived out their recovery  plan  by sharing the route, their own experiences with each other and those others who were gathering around the message of hope  and that  power that led them.   This plan is spelled out in  what is now called the 12 Steps  of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Their plan worked for the alcoholic in the late 1930’s and it continues to work its power in the 21st century.

We have applied the Steps  and have found the  plan works equally well for the depressed. As we well  know, many, have faced life with despair and  without hope–they had no plan. For some, suicide was the only way out of this endless agony.

So, let’s consider what each one of us can do.   Look at what each of us can do who are depressed or who have been depressed.  For myself, I have shared   my story of being  victim, a survivor. As a victim, I had no knowledge of what was wrong with me, no way of knowing what to do to get out of the mental mess I was in and so I did only what I knew–to run away from it. Like Forrest Gump, I began to walk, and walk some more, every day,  each day. Finally my mind cleared, and I sought help. I knew that since the Steps worked for the hopeless alcoholic they had to work for someone  like me,  who was  filled with shame and guilt and despair. This is when I found that working the Steps, one after another would produce not only sobriety but an enduring  hope, one day at a time. And the way to get this hope and to strengthen its power in our lives  was to gather others around us who feel the same as I did.  We were no longer alone in our struggle. Others spoke the same language as did  myself. They got it!

I have spent  the last three  decades of my life, sharing   my story, attempting to  to give hope to those still suffering. That is my mission. I believe that is why God provided Bill W., and Dr. Bob with that spiritual  awakening,  lighting  up their own path in recovery.   They made it possible for all of us who wanted this light, this plan, and then to take this light and help others find what we have found.

I follow a roadmap-a plan developed by two guys who saw no way out except by helping other men and women who were looking for someone to give them hope and a path out of their addiction to alcohol.  They both knew, as do we  in the program, that to live out the plan in our daily lives it is essential that we carry our message of hope to others. That is the message of the plan. Give it away. Don’t put your treasure under a basket. Let the light shine. I really think that Bill W., and Dr. Bob were the two angels god sent to give all of us, those of their own time, for us today and for the future, a reason to stay alive. They had a simple plan. They each told their story to the alcoholic of how life was before and then how life was being lived  now-with sobriety and hope.  They shared how their life was before their recovery and then shared how their life was  now.  They didn’t preach. They had their story. And they told hurting  men and women that they could be free.

I too have my story, I have a message of hope, and like the 12 Steps of AA, on which Depressed Anonymous is modeled, it is slowly beginning  to reach  people who  can now hope.   Depression is in epidemic  proportions  effecting every nationality and region of the earth. Later this month a Depressed Anonymous group from Russia is sponsoring a Webinar  about depression and mutual support.

I have  a story to tell. A story that  provides  hope and a way to live, every day of our lives. And this is my story.

This is my passion. With gratitude!

————

Thank you for reading this story of hope and healing. Please share with that person who needs hope–included with  a plan that works!

Hugh

AFFIRMATION

On this New Year Day, I find that my work for my life today, and only today, is to reflect on a time in my life that I have experienced a feeling of happiness and contentment. If I can remember a pleasant situation from the past, I will construct a happy situation and imagine it occurring right now.

“In getting my priorities straight, my depression is better,”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

In my relationship to God, I am beginning to  realize that it isn’t so much that I don’t believe that I’ll ever feel better, but that I just can’t know for sure. My first priority is to  admit that I do have a problem and that with God’s help, I can get through my depression.

As soon as I give up my victim stance and begin  to take responsibility for my feelings and my life,  I can start to work as if my recovery is really up to me and that I will, in time, succeed in getting out of this deep dark hole that I call depression. My priority is to begin each day with the conviction that the Twelve Steps will be an aid in getting out of my depression.

MEDITATION

God, we seek your guidance and your strength for our lives. Whatever we have lost  or feel we have lost, please take the holes in our soles and fill them with your love and peace. In our quiet time today, show us what part of us  needs to be healed.

SOURCE:  Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. January 1, 2019.

It took awhile, but finally I “got it.”

In the work Depressed Anonymous, which provides a step by step commentary for individuals and group members, Dr. Dorothy Rowe points out that if you want to get yourself depressed this is what you must do. You must hold these six options as if they were real, absolute and immutable truths

1. No matter how good and nice I appear to be, I am really bad, evil, valueless, and unacceptable to myself and others.
2. Other people are such that I must fear, hate or envy them.
3. Life is terrible and death is worse.
4. Only bad things happened to me in the past and only bad things will happen to me in the future.
5. Anger is evil.
6. I must never forgive, least of all myself.

What I envision as the best possible world for the depressed and to prevent relapse and recurrence is a model that may include the medication treatment, the psychotherapy interaction between therapist and client and then the holistic model of the mutual aid group, to name a few. What happens in the group support system is basically a replication of what happens in a person’s childhood environment. We can determine if trust is there, can the child have the assumed permission to show initiative, is the child made to feel safe and can the child venture out beyond the boundaries of his home and feel safe? Or does he come from a home which is closed and the world perceived as enemy and unsafe- indeed a setup for a mistrustful attitude about life. All this comes into play in early childhood development. We need to look again at anything in a child’s life where he/she experienced a loss, a separation or a life filled with anger and hurt.

The community in which the child is raised presents all types of messages and this in the beginning is how he or she sees the world. Chemicals in the brain don’t produce thoughts that say ” I’m worthless or unacceptable,” etc. It’s more the messages that one receives when one is in the formative years of one’s life that may predict how one perceives his or her future.”

You might want to ask yourself this question: What messages did you receive as a child growing up. Did you feel that the messages you received give you freedom to explore the world and your environment, or did you feel unsafe and insecure?

SOURCES:
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville. KY
(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 25-26.

I think we have all heard the saying “when the student is ready the teacher arrives.” I believe that’s true. They call it synchronicity. It’s like persons who have dreams. How many young people dream that when they get older they are going to be a baseball player, an actor, great pianist etc? It works out that what we hold onto — holds onto us.

But to get where we want to go includes pain and struggle. We have to pay some price-sometimes a large price and sometimes even to the point of giving up our lives. There will be obstacles along our way and we try and handle them as best we can with the resources that we have at the time.

But let me say this, no matter how bad things get, there is usually a path laid out before us, where we can find what we have been looking for. I think the same happens when we experience depression and live with that sinking mood of feeling helpless and hopeless. But there is always hope. We learn how to use the tools for change and recovery. (See Personal Stories in Depressed Anonymous).

And we know that “change” is painful. The first step is really the beginning of the end of our pain. By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins the release from our pain. This is the paradox of letting go as we have learned from Step Three which suggests that we “make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” From this point on, as we follow the Twelve Step path of freedom from depression, we begin to believe that there is a chance for me to get well.

That’s a Promise of the Twelve Steps. Get on board and find what you are looking for.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

The group meeting is where trust and openness is promoted among the fellowship. My defenses gradually lessen at every meeting and now I find myself speaking about myself. I now believe that with my new openness no one will discredit or abandon me. I now feel secure in this new fellowship of persons who are just like me. I can live in hope and not despair. I learn that trust leads to freedom.

In the personal testimony portion of the Depressed Anonymous Manual, on pages 110-152, a Depressed Anonymous member, Starr, shares how the group meeting gives a feeling of empowerment to those who want to share their story as a person that has suffered depression since childhood.

I can say that until you start to open up, share your hurts and feelings, listen to members of the group, watching them as they grow from the support of the group, you will not be able to get out of the prison of your depression.”

SOURCES:
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Please VISIT THE STORE and discover other publications at the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore. You can order all material online.

” A major element of our personal renewal in this program of recovery is the gradual “loosening of our grip”  on the life of the our depressed loved one. We have learned the hard truth that it is in “giving up control” of what is to happen to our loved one. The only way our loved one is to get better,  is for each of us in our own way to support their efforts at getting connected with life, others and those like themselves. in a Depressed Anonymous Group.

The paradox here is that the times that we spend taking care of ourselves has an inverse effect on the condition and recovery rate of our beloved one. We only win the fight with depression by not fighting. The proof here is that the more we promote a positive emotional and upbeat home environment and trying ourselves to understand depression the more we will assume a new sense of identity  and be a survivor instead of a victim.”

See The Dep-Anon Family Group Manual (2000). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Remarkable things happen when we are willing to admit defeat and talk about our powerlessness over our depression and how our lives had become unmanageable. This first step is the beginning of the flight of steps that takes us up and into our new way of living. At our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous we talk hope, we are hopeful, and we think hope. We learn that our thinking depressed and negative thoughts might have gotten us in the shape that we are in today. What you think is what you become. For us who find sadness our second nature, we at times continue to revert to the comfort of our old familiar negative thinking and are in actuality returning to self-destructive activity. Hope is overcome by sadness.

When we become convinced that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, we found ourselves turning many times during a twenty-four period to that power. It is a rock in a rocky sea that we all hold onto when we find it easier just to give up and sadden ourselves instead of facing the storm and living through the fear. What Bill W., said about the alcoholic applies equally to the saddict: “He/she can settle for mediocrity and self-satisfaction even though this may indeed prove to be a precarious perch. Or he/she can choose to go on growing in greatness of spirit and truth.”

You never stop using and following the Steps. We are in recovery all our lives. You don’t graduate. When we return to saddening ourselves, we return to the old compulsion that can again reduce us to that bankrupt individual who is bereft of peace and hope. We want to grow in the conviction that the Higher Power will restore us to sanity. One of the best ways to grow out of our saddiction is to start acting the healer instead of being the passive victim. We are under the care of no one except our God.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 107.

COMMENT

I knew that the Twelve Steps had a power. I now had a plan. A plan, like a map, showing me a way out of my aloneness and misery. Not only was I not alone, but now I was part of a fellowship of persons – just like myself.

At the root of my addiction was depression. It was then that I not only appreciated my particular recovery program but I felt that what I needed, more than anything now, was a Twelve Step program to deal with my depression and isolation from family and friends. At the time, 1982, there wasn’t a program specifically 12 Step that dealt with depression.

What we felt that was needed was a group program specifically oriented to depression. We knew one’s compulsions and addictions had at some level a sadness, those depression symptoms rendering lives unmanageable and out of control.

By the Spring of 1985 we had developed a program of recovery, specifically using the Twelve Steps as means for recovery from that life threatening scourge of depression. There were some of us who knew that we needed to have a Twelve Step program, developed by those of us who were depressed. In May of 1985, we held our first Depressed Anonymous meeting in Evansville, Indiana.

Our Big Book, Depressed Anonymous (May 1998) was written and created by those of us who were depressed. (An earlier edition titled DEPRESSED? HERE IS A WAY OUT! was published in 1990) . Ever since that time, persons depressed could read literature written by persons just like themselves. The Twelve Steps are a perfect solution – focused recovery program that fits the needs of the depressed.

Hugh

“And so it goes in life that God often uses those of us with a certain experience to help others who are experiencing that same hurt and pain.” Debra Sanford in her recent publication: A Medley of Depression Stories.

Without a doubt, the statement  “it takes on to know one, ” is right on target. The truth of this   statement is verified by the increasing number of mutual aid groups that  keep cropping up in our communities. The fact remains, that if anybody can understand my situation or my particular  physical or mental condition, it most likely  will be that person  who has  experience the same condition.

During  my experience with depression, I found myself isolated and alone. I also found myself asking questions about what was happening to myself. I was  not coming up with any answers. I was scared!  I was living a lie.  There was a smile on my face  with others, but inside I was also  fearful of being found out.  Without any exterior evidence on my body that I was in  pain, every day turned out to be a momentous challenge for me.

Not until I discovered that all my pain, mental and physical had to do with being depressed, did I start to deal with it.  It was then that I became proactive in my own personal recovery. What did I do?  I started walking five miles a day. The only way I could chase the pain away was to walk.  And walk some more. Every day.

During this time, just getting out of bed was an overwhelming  chore. At this time in my life, I had to have a job to support  myself. Calling in sick  at work wouldn’t get it.  I kept walking. And after months of  exercise, I gradually felt my mood begin to rise.  Of course, because of my familiarity with negative thinking and bashing myself unmercifully, I told myself that  this calm in the storm, would not last. I was right. It didn’t last. Eventually, because I persisted with my walking , I  eventually was able to live  my life   without depression. I could live with peace and hope.

Also, because of Depressed Anonymous and sharing with others in the group, I got stronger, found more tools to stay depression free, and helped others start their own  Depressed Anonymous group. One of our members   pointed out to the new members how  our own “feeling better”  could be attributed to the “miracle of the group.”  It was in the group where  sharing our struggles and experiences   made it possible to have hope and a gradual  from depression.

As Debra C., tells us in her account of persons who tell their stories     (A  Medley of Depression Stories) and experiences,   as being part of the Depressed Anonymous group.  She states a fact  about the members of Depressed Anonymous that “The sheer healing obtained from the group is immeasurable.”  A Medley of Depression Stories. (2017) by Debra  Sanford.  ( ISBN 978-1974499601). Her book can be purchased at Amazon.com/Books. I highly recommend it. Her book is filled with those personal and powerful testimonies of how people joined together for the same  purpose can find the help they need. Why wouldn’t they? We all have come from the same experience and isolation and now find kindred souls in our life who not only speak the same language of hope but continue to offer it to each other.

Hugh

SOURCES:  (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY

(c)  Debra Sanford A Medley of Depression Stories. (2017)  @      Amazon.com/Books

Question: How do you see your depression as a compulsion? What are the triggers that cause you to spiral downward back into the dark pit of depression?

When you think of depression do you think of it like one big thing or do you see it for the many parts that make up a depression experience, namely, the way that we think, behave or feel! In other words, when we make it to be a thing, that is, when we reify it — it holds power over us – like it comes out of the blue . We talk about depression in medical terms such as “I just had a bout of depression“, like it came from outside of us like an infectious germ or virus. In reality, our depression is made up of many parts, such as our negative ways of thinking, behaviors and feelings.”

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, asks us an assortment of questions which can reveal to us the various parts that form our depression experience.

The following questions as proposed by the Workbook, will help you to distinguish those various parts and ultimately to their dismantling.

Which of the following illustrations can you relate to as being a part of your daily living and thinking?

1. A need to be perfect?
2. A need to be successful
3. A need to please others?
4. A need to never get angry?
5. A need to have someone in my life love me before I feel like somebody?
6. A need to always put myself down and think thoughts that I am worthless, and unacceptable to myself and to others.

Now, write down how one or more of the above keeps you down, despairing and hopeless? Also, write about where these attitudes come from?

As we move from one question (from the Depressed Anonymous Workbook) to the next, we will begin to find a way to remove these negatives from our daily behavior.

This week, we will begin to take a deeper look at some of these parts and how they can cause us to be isolated and depressed. Keep coming back and learn more about yourself and ways to be free!

Hugh

SOURCES:
(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pgs. 79-80
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
(c) The Home Study Program of Recovery. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

VISIT THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS BOOKSTORE for information on the above publications plus how to order online.

“One thing I’ve learned is that of all the horrendous problems we face in the world, what strikes me as the root cause of them all, and it is a myth: “I don’t have any power.” Mark DuBois, Director of Worldwise.

“Many times the desire to help the depressed pushes the helper deeper into the isolation of the depressed -mirroring the reality of the depressed person.”

Sometimes in our efforts to help the depressed significant other, we often forget that it is our own recovery that needs to be first considered. We need a fresh approach and we need a plan. We can now admit that we became angry because our depressed friend  didn’t recover according to our schedule of events for  their life. We might have even berated our depressed friend or family members that all they had to do was pick themselves up by their boot straps and all would be well. Now that our eyes have been opened and our minds have been enlightened we realize that we are learning new ways to take care of ourselves.

We want to be conscious of the ways that have neither helped or fixed our depressed significant other.   Because  our ways have not worked is no reason why we need to beat ourselves up over the past experiences which have done more harm possibly than good.

We might even begin to talk to our loved one about how we now are going to take care of ourselves. We  also might tell  how we are getting help for ourselves. We are doing what we have asked them to do so that they might get the help that they need.

Our recovery begins the minute we make the decision to turn our minds and our wills over to the care of God as we understood God.  ” ( Page 64, Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition).

We are learning that our own individual strength, our sanity if you will, comes from our active participation in the Dep-Anon Family Group where we are no longer alone, but instead find ourselves in touch with a healing  process of those much like ourselves. Instead of casting any blame at the depressed significant other we now are in the active process of discovering areas in our own  lives that need work. (The Dep-Anon Family Group, pages AR-AS.)

SOURCES:  Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Copyright(c) The Dep-Anon Family Group, Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.