It is not the facts about myself that results in higher self-esteem – it’s how I view the facts (how I hink abut them).
Some of the very most accomplished people still have low or poor self esteem.
Some people view Bob Dylan as the greatest, most talented folk singer of the day, others hear his voice and songs and think he is unbearable.
Some people love to hang out at (put your own favorite restaurant here) and others wouldn’t put a foot in the place.
It isn’t whether we are good or bad, talented or untalented, attractive or unattractive.
Self-worth comes from the view we have of ourselves.
+When I am depressed I have a negative, punishing, self critical view of myself. It’s as if I have on dark glasses and I see everything about myself as ‘dark’ and negative. But when I am less depressed I see myself much clearer.
I’m not as critical and judgemental about myself. It’s as if I have on clear, clean glasses.
Reframing is simply selecting another way of looking at something. It’s a little different from self-defense but similar.
The following a examples of how to reframe my negative view of myself to something positive..
1. Stubborn can be determined.
2. Emotional can be passionate, caring.
3. Loner can be Independent
4. Inconsiderate may instead be purposeful.
5. In decisive could be considered careful.
6. Hyper Is energetic.
7. Unpredictable may be accommodating
8.. Pushy can also be forceful.
9. Dependent may be cooperative
10. Critical my be discriminating
- Cover the right column. In the left column CIRCLE all of the negative view words that you apply to yourself. Do that.
- Now remove the cover and CIRCLE all of the corresponding words in the right column which are positive non-judgmental views of the same behavior and qualities.
- To get used to thinking about yourself in positive terms, read the circled words in the right column out loud and say “I am……” before each of these characteristics.
The following is a partial list of additional positive personality characteristics. Circle the ones that apply to you. At the bottom are some blank lines. Add some other good qualities that you can add to the list.
If you circled less than five of these qualities, select someone from your support group, family member and ask them to help you find others in the list that apply to you.
III. Pick three positive qualities from the previous lists and write examples of when you showed the quality:
I am _________________________________________________________________________and I showed that when I____________________________________________________________________________.
I am also _____________________________________________________________________and I know that when I ______________________________________________________________________________.
In addition, I am ___________________________________________________ and I showed that when I____________________________________________________________________________________
Source: Doctoral dissertation from Oregon Univ.
NOTE: Tomorrow, more thoughts on building self-esteem.