Fear has held me back so often in life, especially in depression. Although I hated the feelings of depression, there was a security in that dark depressing place. A respite from the uncertainties of the world. Change involves uncertainty – or the question “What if?” My mind automatically goes to the negative. What if I try this again & fail again? What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not capable? And so on. The needle on my mental compass defaults to negative thinking. I have to make a serious effort to shift my thinking to the positive. It occurred to me that I could ask myself other “what if” questions. What if I can make a positive change? What if I am capable? What if I can do something good for myself? What would that look like, and what would that feel like? It was almost scary to find out! Again, because it was different and new.
I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life lately, and I had to ask my Higher Power for help. I said, “God, please give me the courage to change the things I can. Please give me the courage to walk through the fear. I know that with Your help, one day at a time, this is possible.” It has been possible, and it still is! I’ve been walking through fear and making positive changes! Two years ago I thought it would be impossible for me to get up Monday through Friday and go to work (let alone get out of bed and be functional, or show up to chair a meeting). But with the help of my Higher Power, this program & the fellowship – just for today – God has given me the courage to walk through fear and change the things I can. And for that, I am immensely grateful. ❤