” Most of us need the fellowship of the group to keep ourselves honest and in recovery and our dark thoughts out in the open.”
I believe that keeping our dark thoughts in the open is a must for those of us who are depressed. How often when I was feeling sad and without motivation to just go to my bed and sleep. I couldn’t continue with the dark thoughts that kept cycling around in my head. They each would take me right back to where they started. I always ended up back at hopelessness and despair.
This being open, willing and honest with others in the group is the beginning of a new adventure. The fellowship provides us with that opportunity to get out in the open those very same dark thoughts that forced us down and into the pit. Were they thoughts of guilt, shame or despair? Where they the hopeless thoughts of killing ourselves? Whatever the dark thoughts, I know from my own experiences in recovery that by bringing them (dark thoughts) into the light — the shame that they once made us feel begins to be diminished. When I tell members of our group that I once tried to kill myself, no one falls out of their chair. No one looks down on me–because, just possibly, there are other members of the group who have had the same experiences as have I.
By coming week after week to the group and feeling that those gathered in the group are in the same boat or have the same experiences, does make it easier for me to trust them with my story–no matter how dark and shameful. And as it says in our Depressed Anonymous (3rd edition) big book, “Remarkable things happen to us when we are willing to admit defeat and talk about our powerlessness over our depression and how our lives had become unmanageable. This first step is the beginning of the flight of steps that takes us up and into our new way of living. At our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, we talk hope, we act hopeful, and we think hope..” Pages 106-107. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville.