Sometimes, I am plagued with thoughts like, “what is the point?” or “what is this going to change anything anyway?” which leads me to doing nothing at all and just wallowing in my own sadness. I was having one of those days that I am so familiar with, just to feel safe. But because of this program, I decided to do one thing that brings me joy; playing the flute.
As I played, it reminded me of the joy of being a part of a symphony. To be one part of a whole, even through the secondary melodies and many minutes of rests as the other instruments exploded in their grandeur, being swept away when I harmonized with another or sat in silence waiting for the entrance of my own instrument…
Before recovery, I was the conductor of the symphony of my life. It consisted of a jumble of solos as I reached for the next quick fix that would keep the music going for just another second longer. Now that I am in recovery, I have stepped down from the role, and let my Higher Power do my job. The God of my understanding knows and is capable of actually leading all parts of my life, and will never quit on my musical masterpiece. The 12-steps was my leap of faith to put my trust in God, and now I don’t question why I must play this inaudible sound, because I am not in charge anymore.
My happiness is a beautiful melody and it consists of many tiny sounds and noises. I don’t have to understand to partake in it anymore. I just have to do what I have to do, one day, one hour, one second at a time, and be joyous about making that one part of a whole happen.
I am humbled by this program after being helped so many times, and I am still learning new things every day from my fellows. I am filled with gratitude to be a part of this DA symphony, with all of our strengths and weaknesses, coming together, playing the most serene music I have ever heard.
Yours in Recovery,
2 thoughts on “Life is a Symphony”
Thank you for posting this information. Great reminder that my HP is in control of me, my loved ones and every thing iny life. I have moved over today and have gotten out of His way. He loves me more than I (or anyone) could ever love me and wants nothing but the best that life has to offer. There is no coincidence that We found DA. I was supposed to when I was supposed to. Now I look forward to what my HP has in store for me. I’ll keep coming.
Thank you, Nadine, for your reflections on the “Life is a Symphony” blog. I believe that when everyone is doing their part, letting the HP do its part, getting out of its way, or not getting ahead of the HP, our life moves along with serenity and spontaneity.
I agree that we are here because we have been led here by our HP. Surrendering our will and accepting that the Hp is in charge, makes it a positive experience now, and for our future.
I appreciated the fact that you are looking forward, as we all are, to what the HP has in store for us. And yes, by all means, keep coming back.
It is said that someone gave the following saying, to Bill W. “Life gives us a moment, and for that moment we give our life.” Staying in the moment –listening, praying and open to what God ha for us to do and to be. For you, me and all of us in the fellowship, we remember that moment.