It strikes people as a strange thing to say when I tell them that I found my depression a comfort. I found it convenient because I didn’t have to make my decisions about anything or anybody. I could medicate these thoughts of how bad I was and continue to meditate until I felt completely numb and immobilized. Thanks to the program and the emphasis on personal honesty, the more I got the courage to take charge of my life and change what I knew had to be changed.
Today, I am not going to allow myself to get into addicting to negative and unpleasant thoughts. I will risk being myself and step out of the prison of my depression into the fresh air of living with a certain amount of unpredictability and freshness.
Avoidance is a vast reality when you are depressing, as I learned through the Twelve Steps program. I don’t want to see, talk to or have anything to do with anyone else when I am depressed; I will have to force myself to get involved with other people if I want to have a chance of ever feeling better.
Because of you, O Lord, I wait: you O Lord my God will answer.
The more we work our Program, God is as near as we are to God. The more we open up our consciousness to the God of our understanding, the more God draws us to himself. We believe that as we wait on the Lord to speak to us, our God will speak to us in some fashion that we will recognize. (Personal comments).
Higher Thoughts For Down Days, © 2014, Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville KY. (Pages 157-158)
I know that in time and with care, for myself, I am going to believe that I am truly living the way the God of my understanding wants me to live. We need to know what our priorities are. If you don’t already know this question about yourself, you can work it out by becoming something that is important to you and asking., “Why is this important?”
CLARFICATION OF THOUGHT
I came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity is really one of my belief priorities and one which brings me a certain amount of serenity everyday. I know and believe that this is what is most important to me in my life. In my efforts to free myself from the fear and insecurity of depression, I am living in the solution instead of in the problem.
I only want to do what I believe will allow me to live with a desire to do God’s will. He will not let me fall back again into the false comfort of my attachments to depression. So much of my attachment to these ongoing negative thoughts about myself and my future seemed to flow so naturally into my thoughts. They have all been brought to light and are daily exposed. I am trading them in for thoughts which are new and unfamiliar, but healthier, as I now live with gratitude.
We need your help now God. We seem to believe that it is all too much for us to bear with so many disappointment and burdens. We feel a bit like Job, the Bible character . We will attempt for just twenty-four hours to hang onto our faith that you God will bring me through our darkness today. (Personal reflection).
(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 70 -71.