Tag Archives: anger and rage

Have you swallowed any anger lately?

Anger is a much talked about subject these days. People are anger at this politician or that politician, They are angry at how they are mistreated on their job. Or they are angry at the government  for whatever reason. They are angry at their spouse, or ( choose one) who have done them wrong. Yes, I am angry and  I don’t like it. I don’t like it most times, but sometimes I think, wow, that felt good getting it out of my system. It’s  better than punching a hole in the wall  again, or picking up a gun and shooting someone. I believe that so many of us are angry. We are angry and we think that giving someone the “what for” is going to change them.  But then we see that our anger is pouring gasoline on a fire.

Let’s take a look at the Depressed Anonymous book, which says a lot about anger and what our own anger says about ourselves. Is there a solution here. Yes.

” Many times we hear how depression is anger turned inward. This is one way to explain it. Depression is also a way to keep from assuming our rightful place in the world and society. You must tell others that your very fear of the future and of others is the  very thing that builds  your  prison.  You need to surrender the fears and hurts in your life. You need to give them up to the Higher Power or to God as you understand God. It is with this in mind that you begin to gain more insights and honesty in your life. Others in the DA group will also help you see that you can blame the other people in your life for your problems all you want, but it is only when you no longer see yourself as victim that you can stand up and say that you no longer choose to stay depressed. “I am going to enjoy life and hope for good things to begin to happen to me”, you can say.  I  think sometimes we can say we liked being called a “depressive” as it made us feel as though we couldn’t help being the way we were and, of course, we know this isn’t true. Once we admit our victim stance and no longer consider ourselves as permanent sufferers of depression, then this honesty, can release a new sense of identity for  ourselves. The support of the group will allow me to say that I don’t have to be what I was anymore. I don’t need it.

The fifth immutable belief that builds hopelessness in us is the belief that it is wrong to get angry. We have learned from childhood that not only do little girls not show anger, but little boys likewise were made to believe that any type of outward expressions of one’s unpleasant feelings was not permissible. We believed  that we had no right to be angry. To be always smiling and happy means you are good; to  experience and express the emotion of anger is a sign that you are out of control, and being out of control is bad. But if anything can  cause us to  be depressed it is a lifetime of swallowing our anger. This might have its roots in our childhood when we were abused, physically, emotionally or even sexually by a parent, relative or guardian. The mere thought of this might throw us into a deep sense of personal worthlessness  and rage —  until we were able to get in touch with it. Sometimes this rage is so powerful that we have to numb ourselves  so as not to feel the power   of it and so be afraid that it will  destroy our very selves.”—–More about ANGER  in tomorrows BLOG.

RESOURCES:

(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY (See Step Five chapter in DA book, Pages 59-64). ).

(C) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002 Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY   (Step Four Pages 22-47 contains some excellent ideas on anger which can help us look at our anger and deal with it.)

+Both of these excellent books can be ordered online (depressedanom.com)  at   the DAP Bookstore.

#METOO. Shouting out our anger and rage

THIS SOUNDS RIGHT

Dorothy Smith has shown how women are forced into a secondhand understanding of the world. Women are trained to invalidate their own experiences, understanding, and feelings and to look to men to tell them how to view themselves. Ideas, concepts, images, and vocabularies that women use to think about their experiences have been formulated from the male point of view by universities, churches, and other social institutions.

In Women and Madness Phyllis Chesler  describes  women’s experiences as psychiatric patients. Very few of the women she interviewed appears to have a mental disturbance. Most were unhappy and responding to the oppression in their lives. Seeking help, Chelser  pointed out, is not valued in our society, and women seemed to be punished “for their own good” by the institution for exhibiting such weakness.

Jean Baker Miller looked at the relations between dominant and subordinate groups. She isolated certain characteristics of subordinate groups as typical of any irrationally unequal power  relations based on ascribed status such  as race religion or sex. Those in  a relationship of subordination need to survive, above anything else. Direct response to destructive treatment must be avoided, as it may be met with rejection, punishment, or even death. Women who step out of line Miller noted, can suffer a combination of social ostracism, economic hardship, and psychological isolation. They may even be diagnosed as having a personality disorder if they do not conform to the male-defined norm for a woman.

If conflict cannot be expressed openly, it is turned inward and the ground is fertile for depression. Once depression is identified, the victim is blamed for her illness, and she accepts this responsibility until she is helped to examine her own self-defeating patterns, to see how she allows  herself to be victimized.”

SOURCE:  Melva Steen, Ph.D, RN. Historical Perspectives on Women and mental illness and preventing of depression in women using a feminist perspective. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 12:359-374, 1991.

Appeared in THE ANTIDEPRESSANT TABLET in the Spring  edition  (v.5, #3: 8-9).1994. 

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The following is an excerpt from the Basic Text for the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous world wide.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition , 2011,2008, 1998. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Page 82.

“Maybe I need to make amends to my children for  making a clean house the number one priority the number one priority and never allowing them to give expression to their feelings. Or maybe I was the good daughter or son who never told anyone how I really felt because I was afraid of how my parents would react. Now we might be dredging up all the old feelings of anger and resentment that we have submerged under a mask of  kindness ands sweetness over the years. We need to voice our anger for having to act like someone we aren’t. I can think of many women who in therapy begin to get in touch with the times when as little girls, they were conditioned to think that good little girls didn’t get angry, and so they stuffed and sat upon all these powerful and unpleasant emotions. Feelings that are not expressed can accumulate in our bodies and can’t get out until we share them and express them. These stuffed feelings get lodged in our bodies and immobilize us until we feel completely wrung out!

Some have heard all their lives that you shouldn’t get angry as mother won’t love you anymore. This makes it quite difficult suddenly to shout out our rage and anger at a world that has made women in general feel less than second-class citizens. ”