HIDE. RUN. ISOLATE. WHEN I WAS DEPRESSED THESE THREE WORDS DESCRIBED MY ACTING OUT BEHAVIOR PERFECTLY.
The Depressed Anonymous Big Book states that:
“Once I admit that I am addicted to depressing myself then I can begin to walk through the door of the prison that binds me. I I must realize the fact that my depression will only get worse unless I put a stop to all the thinking, and acting out behavior that keeps me perpetually locked into my sadness.” (DA88).
Here again we see the responsibility issue cropping up again. This is so important for us who want to hide and run when we feel a life that has to be faced again and again. As we read in Alcoholics Anonymous and as quoted in Depressed Anonymous:
“Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us…
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill…” (DA88)
Do you the reader, do this when you are feeling sad and alone? Do you try and get alone by yourself so that you can try and figure out what is happening inside of yourself? I did. For myself, I just kept going around in the circling of my thoughts. The constant circling (ruminating ) and isolating behavior gradually had me spiraling into the darkness of my unending melancholia.
I finally realized I couldn’t think myself of this total physical, psychological immobility. What could I do? See page 73 in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook.