BELIEVING IS SEEING
I will use a notebook or my Depressed Workbook Home Study program to chart my course, list how each day goes, so that I can repeat the feelings or thoughts that have allowed me to feel I am becoming responsible for my activities.
“”…there is one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others. You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly, you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. You know this. That’s why you always expect the worse.” (3)
REFLECTION/ CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
Truly, I know this is where the great serenity lies, being responsible for myself. If all I did was sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am making life miserable for those around me. This is why I, as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, knows that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death that I began to get better. No one will make me feel better. (See: I’ll do it when I feel better) I will now make myself feel better. Make up your mind to do what needs to be done…TODAY! I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of feeling worthless. I don’t want to blame anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in the problem. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working the Twelve Step program.
Blame helps me to never have to look inside myself and ask myself how much of my present state of depression is due to the way I have learned to think about myself and my life? I am not in the blame game and so I am now willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.
Faith can move mountains. (See: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression) Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened for you. I believe this. What do you believe?
SOURCE: Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for Twelve step fellowship groups.
I am getting healthier the more I realize that I don’t have to feel the way I feel and that I have the options to feel content and even smile today if I desire. I will act like I want to smile even though I don’t feel like smiling.
“If you have made yourself a martyr to your unappreciative family, remember the principle of partial reinforcement and apply it to your family. If you are always at their beck and call trying to meet their every demand, they will not appreciate you, but once they find that they cannot rely on you to meet their needs, they will appreciate what you do for them.” (7)
I know that so often those who are codependent and live all the time in everyone else’s feelings need to remember that the real maturity and happiness lies in being there for myself—not for everyone else. I think that this reflection points out the fact that I need to reinforce my own worth by going to meetings, actively getting involved with my own recovery and putting the recovery over anything or anyone else. If I am going to begin to be a pleasant person, I will want to learn how to be pleasant to myself.
Now is the time and this is the program where I start to detach from other people’s opinion’s of myself and start to reflect on my own opinion When I am depressed, I know that I have not been able to forgive anyone, much less forgive myself. I feel totally cheerless. I meet my own demands and continue to work the Steps so as to get in touch with what I need to do to reinforce those positive concepts that I am forming about myself. I need to get prepared for a new me today. We are now on a different basis: the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust, infinite God rather than our finite selves. Just to the extent that we do as we think God would have us do, and so humbly rely on God, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity.” Bill W.
When we gradually work our way to the real self we get closer to God who made us.
SOURCE: Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville, KY 40217.
BEST WAY TO EAT AN ELEPHANT? ONE BITE AT A TIME!
I will think only those thoughts that today reinforce my self-worth!
“…try to live one day at a time as it’s a lot easier. As someone once said, if you want to eat an elephant the best way is one bite at a time.”
I desire to be part of God’s plan today by staying active in my own recovery from depression. The more I give of myself without reservation to its leading, the more I am able to free myself from my feelings of isolation and deadening fear.
My fears keep me living in my tomorrows and in my past yesterdays. Fear is the foundation of my depression. I am becoming less fearful the more I attempt to live one day at a time and have this day lived with hope.
Thoughts leads to feelings, feelings lead to moods and moods lead to behavior. I want to think that my life will improve today by the active role that I am taking in my own recovery.
God, we believe that you will not allow me to receive more than I can handle.”
SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 Step Fellowship Groups. (2014). Page 253.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I construct a daily plan. My day is broken down into three parts: the morning, during the day and before going to bed. One of the major reasons for the daily plan is to prevent me from relapsing into my addictive behavior and thinking. In the morning prayer and meditation time I try to read, reflect upon my “spiritual” program of recovery and prepare myself for the day. I pray the Third Step prayer to our God, as we understand our God to be: “God, I offer myself to you –to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that my transcendence over them may bear witness to those I would help of your Power, your love and your way of life. May I do your will always.” I always read and reflect upon a higher thought from the Depressed Anonymous daily meditation book, Higher Thoughts for Down Days. I carry this thought with me throughout the day and then before bedtime, reflect upon the day and see how I have maintained my serenity during the day. I replace all negative thoughts with three SUNSPOTS, as we call them in our program. These three thoughts are positive reflections to counter the negative thought which have a tendency to accelerate the “stinkin’ thinking” and throw us into pit of despair.
Then at the end of the day, I thank God for how he continues to use my experiences of hope to help others who seem trapped in their isolation and sadness. I am equipped with a definite plan for use throughout my day and using the tools that I have attained with my Depressed Anonymous program. The old saying is true: If you don’t plan your day, it will plan you.” And I know all about the dead end that happens when I let my day plan me: the hole which I am digging just gets deeper. To establish a daily plan and maintain it is a day which is filled with hope.
I INTEND TO LIVE IN TODAY!
“As an expert in guilt you cannot live in the present. You are constantly worrying about the past and fearing for the future. As an expert in guilt you cannot enjoy happiness when it comes, for you believe that as night follows day, suffering will follow joy. When good fortune does come your way, you know it will not stay, for you are the guilty ones and you will b punished.” (7)
I have believed for most of my life that since most things never worked out in my life, why should things work out now. I have always had the belief, mostly unconscious, that nothing ever works out for me and that this belief is reinforced by the way I habitually think about my life. I have lived my life so much in the past and in the future that I have forgotten about trying to live for today.
What I have learned is that most of the things that we fear never happen and if they did we would have the resources to deal with them in some effective manner. Steps Four and Five of the Twelve Step program insure that we find a way out of this depression by looking at the way we guilt ourselves and then make amends to those, as appropriate, who we need to make amends to.
God, we ask you to help us to make amends to ourselves as we go through this day. We want you to help us rid myself of the guilt, worry and fear that prevents us from living with any serenity or peace today. We pray that our lives will improve as we make attempts to change the way we feel and think.”
SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for 12 Step fellowship groups. DAP. Louisville, Ky Page 199.