“Today is all that we have. Don’t let dwelling on yesterday’s hurts and fears or about tomorrow, rob you of peace today. Contrary to what you might have thought — you are responsible for how you think and feel..”
Many of us in the program, no matter what our compulsion happens to be, prefer living in the past and/ or the next day. We have a difficult time living through each day–it’s too risky to have to feel the pain of the moment. But we know that the pain of the present needs to be felt if we are to reduce the lifelong misery which is ours unless we face the enemy and deal with it. It is a promise of the program that we hand over and let God deal with us in God’s time and in God’s own way. We know that God, with our assistance and work, our life can be straightened out. Like the old Russian saying. “Pray, but keep rowing to shore”
Now that we have learnt how to take care of ourselves and our recovery, we now believe that we are responsible for finding our way out of depression. We can blame our sadness on our genes, hormones or a chemical imbalance. All this finger pointing can’t prevent us from having to take full responsibility for finding and using that map which points the way out of the darkness of depression. Since we have been involved in the 12 Step program of recovery we continue to learn the “how” of working our way out of sadness in the context of the fellowship of the group.
The best way to live today is to be fully conscious of the present moment and create that strong desire to be part of it. Let’s not live in yesterday –the rent can kill you.
How often do I spend time in tomorrow and so miss the joy of today? I think one of the more serious occupations (aren’t they all serious?) of the depressed is just to sit and think, and think some more about how bad life is and what awful people they are. The self-bashing makes one’s ability to change even more difficult, as continued depressive ruminations promote a great sense of unworthiness and confusion. We feel that we have no control over what happens in our life. Actually we are not so sure that we should care. Everything seems hopeless. Living in yesterday is to pay some high price rent –and when you’re done paying the rent, you still have nothing to show for it.
I have to live in the here and now –I can’t run and hide in the unknown of tomorrow or disappear into the gloomy fog of yesterday.”
Where do you plan to live today?
Sources: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 37-39.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
I am making a choice now to like myself and focus in on only the good things that I see in myself. I am imagining happy situations from my past and putting myself in the happy picture so that now I can feel happy.
“Proving yourself to be a man or woman can be a positive activity of learning, exploring and discovering who you are, or it can be the meager, self-destroying activity of trying to hide what is experienced as essential worthlessness.” (4)
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
When I attempt to avoid my feelings and to dig in deeper to what I am experiencing in the here and now, I pass up a golden opportunity for growing and for being more human. It is only in the here and now that I live and breathe. When I try to avoid what I am feeling and continue my frenzied feeding on all the bad things that I accuse myself of, I find that my feelings of sadness get even worse.
Now, today, I am taking the risk of being responsible for my own recovery. I know that it is difficult to change my way of thinking negative thoughts. If I change it often, in time I will cling not to the awful things I say about myself but I will hang onto the positive statements I am now making about myself.
I need today to engage in activity of the positive type. I want to start a daily exercise program. I want to write down a list of five positive qualities that I would like to have and then imagine myself possessing these qualities. (By this same time tomorrow on May 20, we will have our five positive qualities written down and we will reflect on what we have written down. We will have more discussion on choices and feelings tomorrow here at this BLOG).
God, come to our assistance and help us discover your way out of this darkness. We trust that you will there for sure right at this moment. We will have courage!
SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. May 19. Page 102. (See website VISIT THE STORE for more DA literature.)
BELIEVING IS SEEING
I will use a notebook or my Depressed Workbook Home Study program to chart my course, list how each day goes, so that I can repeat the feelings or thoughts that have allowed me to feel I am becoming responsible for my activities.
“”…there is one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others. You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly, you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. You know this. That’s why you always expect the worse.” (3)
REFLECTION/ CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
Truly, I know this is where the great serenity lies, being responsible for myself. If all I did was sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am making life miserable for those around me. This is why I, as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, knows that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death that I began to get better. No one will make me feel better. (See: I’ll do it when I feel better) I will now make myself feel better. Make up your mind to do what needs to be done…TODAY! I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of feeling worthless. I don’t want to blame anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in the problem. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working the Twelve Step program.
Blame helps me to never have to look inside myself and ask myself how much of my present state of depression is due to the way I have learned to think about myself and my life? I am not in the blame game and so I am now willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.
Faith can move mountains. (See: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression) Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened for you. I believe this. What do you believe?
SOURCE: Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for Twelve step fellowship groups.