The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
The realist adjusts the sails.
– William Arthur Ward
When I attend a Depressed Anonymous meeting, whether virtual or face-to-face, I know that I will learn more about adjusting my sails. My life is always undergoing an adjustment. Now, that’s not a bad thing, that’s just how this program of recovery works. The “power that is greater than myself” is the wind in my sails. The first three steps of Depressed Anonymous describe how we get in touch with this power that continues to keep me afloat, staying on course.
My life continues to have some “zigging and zagging” adjustments, some minor and some needing more attention, and I make it through the day. I want to mention that there are many trusty mates on board with me, all having tested sea legs, continuing to help me, anytime and any day, sail through rough waters.
Now, with adjusted sails, I head for port, a metaphor for serenity and hope.
MY AFFIRMATION FOR TODAY
I believe that with time and work I can feel better about myself.
“But don’t expect that one psychologist can tell you just what the trick is to get out of being depressed. There is no trick, just hard work.” Dorothy Rowe. The way out of your prison. 2nd ed. (1983, 1996). Routledge. London.
The first three Steps of the Twelve Steps are about faith and the remaining nine Steps are about action. One has to have faith that there is truly something bigger in this world than one’s own depression and one’s perspective. I formerly used to believe that I was stuck forever in these moods where I just didn’t want to live anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired with the feelings of despair. But now my program is a spiritual one and the spiritual way is the way out of my depression.
If I truly want to be free of my fears and anxieties, I will have to have faith that the God of my understanding is not going to let me down.
My energies and commitment used to be directed toward finding ways to live always with the predictable and secure feelings that my sadness provided. I am working another program, one which will help me find a way to live a lifer filled with serenity and hope.
God, help us know your will so that we may start today filled with hope. (Personal comments).
SOURCE: (c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
How true. I will always remember how I felt when I found myself unable to get up in the morning. I knew something was different and something was very wrong. I was scared. I did the only thing that I knew what to do–I got into “fight” mode and forced my unresponsive body to get into motion. For some strange reason I found myself in “survival mode.” I just knew that whatever had me pinned to the floor and motionless I had to do the next right thing. The next right thing was to get out of bed and start walking. I did just that. And from that “survival mode” experience I learned a very important lesson: motivation follows action. In a way I had a faint bit of trust that what I was about to do, would be a factor in my survival;.
As it says in the book I’ll do it when I feel better, that “Trust, always has been a critical element in one’s search for finding one’s true and best self. And with trust comes hope. Hope is the thread which weaves its way throughout the spiritual program of the Twelve Steps.”
“Depression is about lost selves – and the struggle to regain the self. We are in a perpetual lock down! it is indeed a battle with one’s will to survive –that is why Dorothy Rowe calls depression a prison. We build the walls as a defense to keep us safe until we can combat our demons and find which way out is the best.
Over time you and I both have discovered a truth: trust is never an easy proposition. Trust comes with a belief that all things will work out. But another problem is that so much of our lives negative and harmful life experiences have ben carried through life and so conditioned us to predict that no matter what we say or do we will always be living in the prison of despair.”
And finally I discovered the more I walked, the more bricks that had me imprisoned in despair and fear, I was able to remove.
It was then that I had the energy to pick up my Twelve Step “tool box” from the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, and to this day continue my life of serenity and hope. Now, learning to be in a “trust mode” has given me freedom to live each new day with hope.
SOURCE: Copyright(c) I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETETR.(2015) DAP. LOUISVILLE. PAGES 75, 76-77.