“The faith of my Sunday school days was gone, and the “god of my understanding” was far off. (But not so far as it turned out). It stretched me to even imagine ” a power, a strength, and I became unwilling to take this route. I wasn’t ready to take on God yet.
However, God was ready to take me on, for in my ignorance I’d done about all AA (We could add DA here. Editor) asks — I had become willing. And this is how he did it. In some casual reading about seeds, this statement caught my attention: ” Science can construct a seed identical to a natural seed in every detail but one –science’s seed will not germinate.” The words seemed to leap from the page. They demanded answers. What is the missing ingredient in the man made seeds? Is it some dimension I don’t know about? Is it in everything? Even people? And then the big question. Who is in charge here, anyway?
Backed into a corner finally, by a logic greater than my ego, I conceded. Too many miracles, too much confidence, and too much evidence of a power greater than myself all around me left me defenseless. and in awe. I surrendered. And the power wasted no time in reinforcing my belief with these words from the Big Book: “We found that as soon we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God…
He is always there if I but look, feel and want him to be; my conscious contact is dependent upon my being willing.
My personal thought about this passage is that it took a complete deflation of my ego before I said “I give up.” My life was in ruins and I had nowhere to go. No one had an answer–not even my church fellowship. (That came back in spades later). But who was able to help–it was that Twelve Step group who said that they believed in this Power that was truly greater than the booze, depression, gambling–insert your own addiction here–and you know what, they were right. That was more than 30 years ago. The seed that was planted by these Steps has now produced in my life that is lived one day at a time.
SOURCE: The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed Anonymous Publications. (Question 11.11 in STEP ELEVEN SECTION. Louisville, KY 40217.
3 thoughts on “WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE, ANYWAY?”
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