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How Do I Know If I’m Depressed? | Depressed Anonymous

How Do I Know If I’m Depressed?

Being depressed means feeling disconnected, isolated, or separated. Truly, depression or melancholia is the disease of our modern society. Our desire to isolate ourselves from everyone and everything when we are depressing isolates us from ourselves as well.

To recognize how it feels to be depressed more people will be able to liberate and unfetter themselves from their depression; lives will be saved as well.
People describe their experience of depression as being in some kind of prison. One man said that he was in a pit where the walls were of soft clay. One woman said that she was in a brick maze where there was no exit and the walls were closing in on her. “I’m in an infinite desert,” said one man, “there’s just me and a lone, scrawny tree.” “I’m in a cage,” said one woman, “the bars are thick and black and there’s no door.” Inside this prison the person has intense feelings of self-hatred.

Frequently, depressed persons imagine they are going crazy, are crazy or are being afflicted with some bizarre mental illness. One of the beautiful things about a DA group is that everyone has the same symptoms, feels the same pain and is relieved that they are not the only ones in the world with this experience. They don’t have to go it alone. They also don’t hear people saying, “Snap out of it.” The following list provides a guide for those of you who are attempting to see whether you are depressed or not. If you feel you have a good number of these situations going on in your life at the same time and for a number of weeks, your melancholia might be indicating that you need to get in touch with persons like yourself. viz., the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous.
• Wanting to isolate and be alone.
• Changes in appetite.
• Shifts in sleeping patterns (too much/not enough sleep)
• Waking up early in the morning.
• Fatigability or lack of energy.
• Agitation or increased activity
• Loss of interest in daily activities and/or decreased sex drive.
• Feeling of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt or self-reproach and possible thoughts about killing myself.
• Weeping/not being able to cry.
• Lapses of memory
• Hard time making decisions.
• Fear of losing one’s mind.
• Reluctance to take risks.
• Difficulty in smiling or laughing!

Dorothy Rowe, in her award-winning book, Depression: The Way Out of Your Prison (2003), describes how people build their prisons of depression by holding the following six beliefs as though they were real, absolute and immutable truths.

1. No matter how good and nice I appear to be, I am really bad, evil, valueless, unacceptable to myself and to others.

2. Other people are such that I must fear, hate and envy them.

3. Life is terrible and death is worse.

4. Only bad things happened to me in the past and only bad thin gs will happen to me in the future.

5. Anger is evil.

6. I must never forgive anyone, least of all myself.

These beliefs, tenaciously held, imprison the depressed until that day when they make a decision to choose to remove the bars. Rowe, a clinical psychologist from England, has written nine books which deal with how we humans as creatures create meaning for our lives. She possesses an almost universal recognition and respect from professional and lay alike about someone who has done her homework on the human experience that we call depression. She maintains that depression is not a disease or an illness but is a human experience that is truly painful and isolating in nature. She points out that the belief that depression is a physical illness has the good implication that we are not to blame for our depression but the bad implication is that we could get it again, like a bout with the flu or another cold.

Psychiatrists who believe that depression is a physical illness don’t talk about curing depression but about managing it. The bad implication for depression, using a psychological model, is that we caused it ourselves – by the way we think (our six immutable truths), live out our lives, and reflect on the world. But the good implication of this psychological model is that if we caused the depression we can likewise un-depress ourselves. This is the approach Rowe takes. This is why she calls depression a moral problem –we have to take full responsibility for the way we think, feel and act. Depressed Anonymous bases its healing and recovery on the premise that once depressed persons admit they are out of control, even to the point of having attempted suicide, they then come to believe that a power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity, while at the same time making a decision to turn their minds over to the care of God as they understand God.

The important thing is not so much whether depression is or is not an illness or a mental disorder but that people have to take responsibility for themselves and their feelings. So many people think that since they are patients of a doctor they must just sit back and wait for the medicine to kick in. The doctor will be doing these people a great favor to ask them what has been going on in their families, their work or with those whom they love. The depressed consumer of medical and mental health services might then get it that maybe they have a choice on whether they stay depressed or not. The consumer might also begin work on themselves knowing that everything they can do to take care of themselves will gradually eliminate the symptoms that we call depression.

So often those depressed are living out of step with their own expectations or the expectations of others, sometimes stemming back to early childhood. It would be great if the many people on antidepressant medication would start talking out why they depressed themselves in the first place. The pain might disappear with the medication but the experience is still part of their lives and memories. Unless one talks about the experience then the depression symptoms will indeed reappear.

Depression is a growing global mental health issue, according to the World Health Organization. The numbers of depressed worldwide is growing as old traditions and values among groups are being lost, blurred or forgotten. Families become more fragmented with more single mothers attempting to raise children alone. The world is becoming a crowded place. An aging society in our industrialized nations brings with it those physical illnesses that come with a growing population. Depression is an especial concern for those of us who are advocates for persons depressed. We all need to be in the forefront in advocating that more awareness be given worldwide to the need for mutual aid groups which possess the spiritual tool kits which can prevent further individual relapses back into depression. To stay depressed is to stay isolated and disconnected.

The main effect of Depressed Anonymous is that people can come together and find the support of fellow depressed people, and they in turn will find the emotional nurturing and acceptance. They can learn the social skills that can help them gradually enter life again with hope and heightened spirit. Once people realize that they are not alone they then take hope that maybe they too will feel better. The beauty of a self-help group is that a person feels acceptance from the group. No one is there telling you to “snap out of it” or that your depression is all in your mind. Depressed Anonymous, once established in your community, will gradually gain new members as word gets out that a group exists in which people who are depressed can come and share their story with others.

I believe that the general public needs to see that they, even though not professional therapists, can still organize twelve-step self-help groups for persons in their area.
Most communities are in contact with mental health specialists who would be happy to help set up self-help or support groups for community members and to meet on a weekly basis. (See Therapists Views on pages following)

Webster’s New World Dictionary defines addiction as “… to give (oneself) up to some strong habit…” Anytime you or I have a compulsion to repeat a behavior, be that a mental rumination or a craving to seek out an activity, be it the physical ingesting of a mood altering drug or ingesting unpleasant and mood altering thoughts, then you have an addiction. We believe the term “saddict” is appropriate for any of us who had the “habit” the “addiction” to beat ourselves up with a continued stream of unpleasant ruminations ( thoughts and mental images) about ourselves, others, the future and our world.

What we learn is that the twelve step program of recovery can be used to overcome any compulsive/addictive behavior for that person who sincerely wants to get emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy. The beauty of a self-help group is that a person finds acceptance from the group. No one is there telling you to “snap out of it” or that your depression is all in your mind. The one thing that you will hear at the group meetings is that if you keep coming back, you will get better.

It has been our experience that those who keep coming back to meetings week after week always get better. Now, that’s some promise! I’ve been in the program for twelve years and I have not had a relapse in that time. I am undepressed today! I give thanks to my higher power and the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous


(c) Depressed Anonymous, (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Kentucky.

16 thoughts on “How Do I Know If I’m Depressed?”

  1. I just lost my uncle, he was like a father to me. I think about killing myself, but I can’t do it. Help me!

    1. Hello Beatriz
      I believe the best way for you now is to talk with a professional where you live. If there is a Mental Health Phone number that you can call please do so now. You need to ask someone to help you through this. Don’t give up. If you are from the States please dial 911 and ask to speak to a counselor. I thank God that you are unable to commit suicide. Please let us know that you are calling 911 for help where you live.

  2. Thanks for ones marbelous posting! I trruly enjoyed reading it,
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    to ultimately continue your great job, have a
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  3. I think I have acute depression disorder. There’s a feeling inside me looking for self-worth. There were a moment in a day but not often that I feel alone and sad without any reason that makes me feel that way. I just feel life being helpless and boring. I have a good paying job but feeling down sometimes. I think the factors contribute for my depression is when my family migrated overseas then leaving me alone and I work for 12hrs/day, (6) days in a week for 2 year and 1/2. I experienced work exhaustion and I felt like I’m living just to work and not enjoying life. I have no suicidal attempts/act but sometimes it just poke in my mind a suicidal thought but I can still manage to not doing it. I’m just 29 but it feels like I’m experiencing mid adulthood crisis when I’m doing research

    1. Hi Chris
      Thanks for your letter. I can feel the pain and the isolation that you are experiencing–depression symptoms have a way of knocking us around a bit. I do appreciate your reaching out here to our support group. One of the ways to get out of the prison of depression is to move out of isolation and make things happen in your life.
      One of the ways that I always suggest to newcomers is the read as much of the website menu as you can to find out who we are and what we believe.
      Also, familiarize yourself with the 12 spiritual principles (Twelve Steps)of recovery Also, read our manual Depressed Anonymous–study what it says and know that there is an answer to our loneliness, and our isolation. No one can make you get out and meet people–but that is what we all had to do to get well. We had to find others like ourselves with whom we can share our story and find that we are not alone.
      So, for now, do as much reading of the Blogs (See Archive) as you can and look at the Depressed Anonymous Newsletters for insights and motivational articles on those areas of your life that need help.
      Please keep us informed as to how you are doing. And try and take a few days off now and then–don’t make your self ill with overwork. That might contribute some to your sadness. Think about it.And pleae come back and visit with us again.


  4. I never wanted to believe I have depression because I always was told that they are just attention seekers and I didn’t want to be an attention seeker but as a common night I sit alone after work and force myself to eat because I know I need to and feel absolutely nothing

    1. Please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at the website. There you will be able to order online the book you are looking for, namely Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.

  5. Hi there, how many times have we wondered if all is lost? We are human; we have emotions, so hopelessness and helplessness are bound to creep in from time to time. The dangerous part is when we allow our emotions to take hold of us and take us down a road of despair- down the rabbit hole of darkness. In these times of anguish, try to find the positives! Find the yeses and look for the miracles that do happen. We all have a story, one from the past, or one that is still developing- but either way, this conjures up raw emotions. Depression and anxiety makes you feel helpless, I know. But there is quite a lot you can do on your own to fight back. For me what helped was I got a routine that put in some sort of structure in my life and setting a schedule everyday with set goals to reach. I also came across this mind, body and wellness platform called Connectable Life, that connects specialists with clients online.
    You should check it out!

    Hope this helps and may you get better soon!

    1. Hi Thanks for your response. Yes, I am continually feeling better now after 30 years with the 12 Steps of recovery plus the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous. It is wonderful to be with people who a re on the same path as I am. Thank you for your helpful comments.

  6. i have been abused when i was 11 or so
    i didnt realise much of it until last year i kissed my boyfriend and it felt really weird and uncomfortable getting so close to another guy.
    i loved him a lot but due to my insecurities we broke up
    My parents want me to become a doctor and i did want to when i was growing up but now i doubt myself and i want to take chances at something else but my parents wont let me too.
    i was feeling down since past 3 months, feeling sucidal and many more emotions hitting.
    2 weeks ago i was checking out symptoms for clinical depression because one of my friend was facing it and i was shocked to see many symptoms match me.
    so i took an online depression test and i got a score of 26/27.
    after i gathered a lot of courage i asked my bestfriend to help and she willingly agreed but since last week she hasnt been able to contact me at all due to her family problems.
    i havent told this to my parents yet and i dont want to either
    i start crying like a maniac when something or the other triggers me
    i cry a lot while trying to sleep
    for instance i was trying to sleep during a car journey and i started crying uncontrollably i somehow hid it from my parents.
    i dont know what to do
    i have tried commiting sucide a lot of times it just hasnt worked
    my mind just freezes sometimes and i am able t do nothing

    1. Hi Liza –sorry about the delayed response. Lots of trouble with our site. But here I am and hope that you are feeling better. Sounds like a tough time for you now. My suggestion is that you contact your Depression Hotline in your community or Suicide Nationwide Hotline.. Also, call your local Mental Health Agency and tell them your story. You do need to be in touch with a professional counselor in your local community. You can call someone who will listen to you and help you find more help. Or you must go to an emergency room if you are feeling suicidal. Please do that! Today. Tell your folks.
      Please let me know what you have decided to do. I will be waiting for your response. Serious, yes.

  7. I have been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for over 30 years but struggled greatly with depression. It’s been most troublesome over the past year and a half. I try to use the principles of 12 step recovery but nothing seems to get better. I struggle so much with steps two and three. I pray, meditate and try to be patient. I continue to reach out to my support friends in AA and do my best to be around friends and family. Every day seems overwhelming from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. Any advice you have I am willing to listen to and apply. Thank you

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We believe that what we think, what we say, and what we do impact our depression. We believe that depression can be managed by applying the principles of the 12 Steps. All are welcome!