Short Term Success vs. Long Term Success

Short term success looks a little different than long term success.

The key to short term success is INTENSITY. The key to long term success is CONSISTENCY.

Short Term Success

I’m also a member of AA and a strong suggestion to newcomers there is they do a 90 in 90 – i.e. attend 90 meetings in 90 days. There are plenty of online meetings available for Depressed Anonymous found at Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings. I attend meetings from the DA group Journeys of Hope and they host 23 meetings weekly (see the link for information).

Say you first join DA at a real low point in your depression. You may be in need of some intensive action on your part so you may need to do a 90 in 90. Only you can make that call. I would suggest you initially commit to a 7 in 7 – just a week where you attend a meeting daily. At the end of those 7 days you can decide to extend it the full 90 days.

Long Term Success

OK you are past the initial crisis of being in the pit of depression. Things are better than they once were. Don’t rest on your laurels. You must maintain your DA sobriety (i.e. sanity).

Suggestions for the long term:

  • Determine for yourself the minimum number of DA meetings you are going to go to each week. This must be a distinct number that is achievable. Don’t say “I’ll go to as many meetings as I can”. How will you know that you achieved that?

    For me, when I am doing well the commitment is two 12 Step meetings a week (either AA or DA for me). Come hell or high water I will make that number of meetings a week.

    If I am off-center or experiencing some real difficulties in my life that minimum grows to four 12 Step meetings weekly. If my ass falls off I’ll put it in a bag and go to a meeting.
  • At every meeting you go to you need to share. It doesn’t need to be sharing at depth – just claim your seat. Say your name and that you are recovering from depression. If you don’t feel that well say your name and that you are struggling with depression. Never say you suffer from depression because when you say that you SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION.
  • Start doing service at the meetings you attend. If an online meeting volunteer to be the timekeeper. Volunteer to read from recovery literature. Volunteer to chair a meeting. If it is a face to face meeting volunteer to be the greeter.
  • Get a sponsor and communicate with that sponsor frequently. How frequently you communicate with them is a mutual agreement between you and your sponsor.
  • Communicate with other members of DA. Call people on the contact list. Join the DA WhatsApp group and participate in the chat. If you go to a face to face meeting meet for coffee or lunch.
  • Work the Steps with your sponsor or co-sponsorship group. You need to look within and participate with others to lock that recovery into your brain.

Achieve your recovery goals whether they are short term or long term.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

The Science of Depression and Apathy: Why It’s Hard to Care and How to Overcome It

Understanding Apathy in Depression: The Brain’s Role and How to Reignite Motivation

Apathy—the feeling of not caring, lacking motivation, and struggling to take action—is a common and frustrating symptom of depression. It can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming and strip away enjoyment from things that once brought pleasure. Many people experiencing apathy describe it as feeling emotionally “numb” or disconnected, making it hard to engage with life in meaningful ways.

This isn’t just a matter of willpower—it’s rooted in the brain. Changes in brain chemistry, disrupted neural pathways, and prolonged stress responses all contribute to the difficulty in finding motivation. When key brain systems are out of sync, activities that once felt rewarding may seem pointless, and even basic self-care can feel exhausting.

The good news is that apathy isn’t permanent, and there are ways to gently restore motivation. By understanding the biological causes, we can use targeted strategies—such as lifestyle changes, DBT techniques, and other practical tools—to work with the brain rather than against it. Small, consistent steps can gradually rebuild engagement, making it easier to reconnect with daily life.

1. Neurotransmitter Imbalances (Brain Chemicals Out of Sync)

What’s Happening?

Neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine that help send signals between nerve cells, helping regulate mood, motivation, and energy levels. In depression:

  • Dopamine (the “motivation & reward” chemical) is often low, making activities feel unrewarding.
  • Serotonin (the “mood stabilizer”) can be depleted, leading to feelings of emptiness.
  • Norepinephrine (the “energy & focus” chemical) may be lacking, causing sluggishness and lack of drive.

How It Feels:

  • “I know I should get up and do something, but I just don’t care.”
  • “Nothing feels interesting or worth the effort.”
  • “Even simple tasks seem exhausting.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Dopamine Boosters:
    • Behavioral Activation (DBT Technique): Start small with one task, even if you don’t feel like it. Completing something, even small, can trigger a dopamine release.
    • Eat Protein-Rich Foods: Eggs, lean meats, nuts, and seeds help the brain produce dopamine naturally.
    • Celebrate Small Wins: Checking off tasks, no matter how small, reinforces reward pathways.
    • Engage in Play & Novelty: Trying new things (even a new coffee shop or music genre) can stimulate dopamine.
  • Serotonin Boosters:
    • Get Sunlight: 10–20 minutes of sunlight daily boosts serotonin production. If sunlight is scarce, consider a light therapy lamp.
    • Exercise (Even Light Activity): Walking, stretching, or gentle yoga can naturally raise serotonin levels.
    • Complex Carbs & Omega-3s: Whole grains, bananas, salmon, and walnuts help serotonin production.
    • Gratitude Practice: Listing three things you appreciate can subtly improve serotonin levels.
  • Norepinephrine Boosters:
    • Cold Showers or Splashing Cold Water on Face: Activates alertness by stimulating norepinephrine.
    • Listening to Upbeat Music: Can improve alertness and mood.

2. Brain Structure & Connectivity Issues

What’s Happening?

Brain imaging studies show that depression reduces activity in the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making, motivation, and self-regulation) and alters the function of the basal ganglia (involved in movement and reward). These changes make starting tasks and feeling motivated physically harder.

How It Feels:

  • “I know I need to do this, but my brain just won’t cooperate.”
  • “Everything feels mentally ‘foggy’ or slow.”
  • “I want to care, but it feels impossible.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Mindfulness & Deep Breathing (DBT Technique): Activating the prefrontal cortex through meditation or guided breathing helps re-engage decision-making abilities.
  • ‘5-Minute Rule’: Commit to just five minutes of an activity. Once you start, it’s easier to keep going.
  • Movement-Based Therapy: Even slow, rhythmic movements (walking, stretching, rocking) stimulate the basal ganglia, making action feel more natural.
  • Cognitive Engagement: Reading, puzzles, or mentally stimulating activities (even games) can help reconnect brain pathways.

3. White Matter & Neural Pathway Disruptions

What’s Happening?

Depression can affect white matter, which is responsible for connecting different brain regions. When these connections weaken, it becomes harder to transition from thought to action, and emotions and motivation may feel “disconnected.”

How It Feels:

  • “I want to care, but it feels like my brain won’t let me.”
  • “My thoughts feel stuck or disconnected.”
  • “I can think about what I should do, but I can’t make myself do it.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Physical Touch & Sensory Input:
    • Weighted blankets or hugging something soft can activate the nervous system, improving processing speed.
    • Holding an object (like a stress ball) while thinking about a task can bridge the gap between thought and action.
  • Routine & Repetition: The brain strengthens used pathways, so sticking to small, repeated actions (e.g., morning coffee ritual, a short daily walk) rewires motivation circuits over time.
  • Journaling (DBT Technique): Writing down small, actionable steps reinforces connections between thinking and doing.

4. Inflammation & Stress Hormones

What’s Happening?

Chronic stress and depression increase inflammation and over-activate the HPA axis (the stress-response system), leading to high levels of cortisol (the stress hormone). This can shut down motivation and energy over time.

How It Feels:

  • “I feel constantly drained and heavy.”
  • “I can’t handle even small amounts of stress.”
  • “Everything feels overwhelming and exhausting.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Anti-Inflammatory Foods:
    • Turmeric, ginger, green tea, blueberries, and dark chocolate have been linked to reduced inflammation and improved mood.
    • Probiotics (yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut) help gut health, which is connected to mood regulation.
  • Gentle Movement:
    • Restorative yoga or slow stretching reduces cortisol levels and promotes relaxation.
  • Grounding Techniques (DBT Strategy):
    • Engaging the five senses (noticing textures, scents, and sounds) shifts the body out of stress mode and lowers cortisol.

5. Apathy vs. Depression: Understanding the Difference

What’s Happening?

  • Depression includes persistent sadness, guilt, and emotional pain.
  • Apathy is more about feeling empty, indifferent, or lacking motivation. Some people with apathy don’t feel deeply sad—they just feel nothing.

How It Feels:

  • “I don’t feel sad, I just don’t feel anything.”
  • “Even things I know I used to love don’t spark interest.”
  • “I don’t have the energy to care about anything.”

Easily Available Remedies:

  • Act ‘As If’ (DBT Opposite Action Strategy):
    • Even if you don’t feel like engaging, acting as if you do (e.g., putting on upbeat music, forcing a smile, standing up straight) can create emotional momentum.
  • Social Connection:
    • Even short, low-effort interactions (texting a friend, sitting in a café) can stimulate engagement without requiring deep emotional effort.
  • Creative Expression:
    • If verbal communication feels exhausting, express through art, music, or movement.

Final Thoughts: Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Apathy in depression is not a personal failure—it’s the result of complex biochemical and neurological processes. The key is to work with your brain, using small, manageable steps to gently reignite motivation.

These strategies might seem small, difficult, or even silly at first—especially when motivation is low. However, science shows that even tiny actions can gradually rewire the brain and restore a sense of engagement. The key is consistency; small efforts build over time, making it easier to regain momentum.

If apathy is severe and persistent, consider professional support, such as therapy, medication, or structured behavioral programs. You are not alone in this, and there are ways to regain motivation and joy, one step at a time.

This article is dedicated to my dear friend Max, whose strength and resilience in the face of struggle continue to inspire me. You’ve been there for me in ways that I strive to match, and I hope these insights can offer you the same support and understanding you’ve always given me. May we both continue to grow, support one another, and find hope in the smallest steps.

Sources

 

Starting a Depressed Anonymous face to face meeting

Perhaps you wish that there was a face to face Depressed Anonymous meeting where you live. There is a solution to that – start one! Here are some pointers that I can share from my experience starting a face to face meeting in my area.

  1. Find another person willing to commit to start a meeting with you
    Of course you could start the meeting on your own it is helpful to share the load with others.
  2. You and others make a time commitment to run the meeting
    I would suggest that make a commitment to yourselves that for a period of time (3-6 months) that even if no one shows up you will run the meeting. This meeting is starting through the force of your and your partners will. You’re not committing forever but rather for that time period. As that time period comes to an end hold a group conscience meeting with the group to determine its future.
  3. Find a place and time to host your meeting
    It could be a church basement, a recovery center, or any place you can secure a room at low or no cost. I recommend that you have a recurring day and time for your meeting so that people can expect you to be there. A meeting that doesn’t have a set time and place is very difficult to build support over time.Try to find a place with a very low cost as you will need to front the money to pay for the first month/week. Some recovery centers price on a sliding scale – the recovery center by me wanted 50% of your 7th tradition contributions. The benefit of this approach is that there is no up front expenses and while your membership is small in the beginning the cost of the room will also be small.
  4. Schedule a launch date/time
    Pretty self explanatory.
  5. Do public outreach
    Announce the meeting at other 12 Step meetings. Although technically you will be violating that other fellowship’s traditions mention that death by suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US and many people with addictions are also depressed.

    I collected all the mental health provider addresses from the web portal for my health insurance. You will be sending them a physical letter (the email address will not be posted on the web portal). Initially when I performed that search I found over 200 entries – that amount of postage was more than I was willing to front. I looked at the data and decided that I would only send a letter to those addresses with two or more mental health providers and that list was approximately 45 – a much more bearable financial burden.

    Get the postal addresses of the rehab centers in your community and send letters to them as well.

    Get the addresses of your local county mental health offices and send letters there as well.

    Find community centers and businesses with physical bulletin boards that would be willing to post your flyer announcing your meeting.
  6. Decide on a format for your meeting
    Are you going to be a meeting where you read from Depressed Anonymous literature? Or is the meeting going to be a topic discussion meeting? If it is going to be a literature meeting you will need to have at least one copy of the literature you will be using (textbook, workbook, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, other).

    As your group collects 7th Tradition donations you may want to buy additional copies so that multiple attendees could read.

    Write a first draft of the chairperson script which at the least should start with a moment of silence or a short prayer, reading the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous, then describing the format of the meeting.
  7. Have and run the first meeting
    Read your chairperson script. Run the meeting. The meeting doesn’t need to be perfect.
  8. As your commitment time draws to a close hold a group conscience discussion
    As stated in number 2 above you (and partners) decided to run the meeting regardless of support. As that time comes to an end you must be ready to turn the fate of the meeting over to the group. Should the group continue? Who can volunteer to lead meetings? Does the format of the meeting work for the group?

That’s the guide as a nutshell. Don’t take the guide as the only way to do it – it is merely one way that happened to work for me. If it doesn’t fit your needs tailor it to your needs.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

New Ways to Stop a Heart Attack

Originally published 16 July 2014

It takes more than diet and exercise to prevent a heart attack. Here’s what you need to know.

By Jeff Meade. Prevention Magazine / February 1999, pages 107-113.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following are some of the seven ways the author outlines as maintaining a healthy heart.

  • MAKE FRIENDS. He states that “(I)f you don’t have family and friends living near you, you can join a support group. Depressed Anonymous is an international 12 step organization that can help you deal with the blues.
  • GET A PET
  • MEDITATE
  • PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE
  • SAY YOUR PRAYERS
  • GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR NATURAL RHYTHMS
  • THE FASTEST WAY TO YOUR HEART IS THROUGH YOUR MIND

Depressed Anonymous: A Spirtual Program for Personal Recovery and Serenity

Originally published 16 July 2014

One of many questions that arise in a person’s mind as they make that first courageous step into the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous is “How soon and how quick can I be free from the pain and isolation that has imprisoned me for so long?”

This question can only be answered by time and frequent and active participation in the fellowship of the group. It is by reading the text of the Depressed Anonymous manual and attempting to put these principles into effect into one’s daily life. Also, one can begin to feel some improvement in their lives as they slowly gain a belief, a faith if you will, that they too can get better- – with time, patience and sharing they will begin to accept themselves for who they are and try and change what they don’t like in themselves. By the fact that one comes to a meeting is in itself half of the battle in overcoming the depression. It is this interminable isolation that keeps the disease of depression at its height and intensity. It is only when a person can come to a meeting, begin to trust the group and so share some of the pain that has been bottled up for as many years as one can remember.

The program has been built by those who have experienced depression and know about the need to get connected and to be part of others like themselves. This is where the hope begins-when we see and hear others like ourselves sharing their past pain and how sharing how today it is all dif­ ferent because of their willingness, their openness and their honesty about themselves that has forced open the prison door that has till this time kept them imprisoned in their own fears and phobias.

The program is a very simple one -but this doesn’t mean that it is easy. All change is painful and if we are to grow we have to change. We have to get resolved some of those old issues that keep pop­ ping up in our lives and that want our attention but we cram them back in place and don’t want to look at them. The 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous will help promote your own personal discovery of what it means to force oneself from the despair and self-hatred that normally comes with depression.
If you are new to our fellowship and this is the first that you are reading about a group whose sole purpose is to help ourselves and others escape the prison of depression ­ you might be surprised to learn that we neither discuss medicine nor religion at any of our meetings. But really this makes sense as religion is about certain prescriptions and dogma that various religious bodies demand of their adherents -whereas spirituality is about one’s concept of a God of their understanding – not of someone else’s
understanding of who god is supposed to be for them­ selves and for everyone else.

The first step in getting past our depression is to first get into the door of a Depressed Anonymous meeting -take a seat – keep our ears open and know that we will not be pressured to say a word. Usually they only ask for the first name and leave it at that. Since we want to keep our anonymity we only use our first names at the meetings. There is a phone list for those who would like to keep in touch with fellow members between meetings. At each group meeting a passage is read from our big book or any other book that specifically deals with the spirit of the 12 Steps. After all, we believe that the depression experience is much more than simply a brain disorder or a problem with misbehaving neurotransmitters.

Signs of the Depressive Experience

Originally published 16 July 2014

  • Wanting to isolate and be alone
  • Change in appetite
  • Shifts in sleeping patterns (too much/not enough sleep)
  • Waking up early in the morning
  • Fatigability or lack of energy
  • Agitation or increased activity
  • Loss of interest in daily activities and/or decreased sex drive
  • Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt or self-reproach
  • Weeping/Not able to cry
  • Lapses of memory
  • Hard time making decisions
  • Fear of losing one’s mind
  • Reluctance to take risks
  • Difficulty in smiling or laughing
  • Suicidal thoughts

DBT Grounding Techniques – Part 5 Putting It Into Use

Part 5: Putting It All Together – Creating Your Grounding Ritual

You’ve now explored Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness—each offering powerful tools to help you stay grounded in difficult moments. But real-life challenges don’t always fit neatly into one category. That’s why the final step is about combining these techniques into a structured grounding ritual that you can turn to whenever you need stability.

When emotions overwhelm you, drawing from all four DBT modules can create a powerful and structured grounding ritual. Combining these practices helps you address the physical, emotional, and relational aspects of distress, guiding you toward calmness and control.

By integrating skills from all four DBT modules, you can create a personalized approach to managing distress, regulating emotions, and staying present—even in the toughest moments. Let’s explore how to bring it all together.

Step 1: Pause and Breathe Deeply (Mindfulness)

Start by grounding yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness creates the mental space needed to approach the situation with clarity.

How to Practice:

  • Take a deep breath, inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, and exhaling for 6.
  • Visualize your breath as a wave, washing tension out of your body.
  • If your thoughts wander, gently guide them back to your breath without judgment.

Why It Works:
This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, calming your body and quieting your mind so you can think more clearly.

Step 2: Splash Cold Water on Your Face (Distress Tolerance)

Engage your body to interrupt the cycle of emotional overwhelm. TIPP skills are especially useful for regaining control in the moment.

How to Practice:

  • Use cold water, hold an ice cube, or place a cold compress on your forehead or cheeks.
  • Pair this with paced breathing to further calm your system.

Why It Works:
The temperature change triggers your dive reflex, reducing heart rate and calming the body. This brings you back to the present.

Step 3: Challenge the Thought Causing Overwhelmedness (Emotion Regulation)

Once your body feels calmer, examine the thoughts driving your emotional reaction.

How to Practice:

  • Ask yourself: “What triggered this feeling? Is it based on facts or assumptions?”
  • Use the “Check the Facts” technique to reframe exaggerated or unhelpful thoughts.
  • Example: Replace “I can’t handle this” with “I’m feeling overwhelmed, but I can take it one step at a time.”

Why It Works:
Shifting your perspective helps you address emotions logically, reducing their intensity and making them easier to manage.

Step 4: Communicate Using DEAR MAN (Interpersonal Effectiveness)

If another person is involved in the situation, use DEAR MAN to express yourself effectively and maintain the relationship.

How to Practice:

  • Describe the situation: “When you didn’t respond to my message…”
  • Express your feelings: “…I felt hurt and unsure if you were upset with me.”
  • Assert what you need: “I’d appreciate a quick reply, even if it’s just to say you’ll respond later.”
  • Reinforce the benefit: “This way, I’ll know everything’s okay between us.”

Why It Works:
Clear, calm communication reduces misunderstandings and fosters connection, even in emotionally charged moments.

Creating a Flow for Your Grounding Ritual

  1. Pause and Focus (Mindfulness):
    Take 1-2 minutes to ground yourself through breathing or observing your surroundings with the Five-Senses exercise.
  2. Shift Your Physical State (Distress Tolerance):
    Use a temperature-based TIPP skill or self-soothing technique to calm your body. Radical Acceptance of the situation may assist now or at the next stage in this flow.
  3. Examine and Adjust Your Thoughts (Emotion Regulation):
    Check the facts or use opposite action to address unhelpful emotional patterns.
  4. Engage With Others Mindfully (Interpersonal Effectiveness):
    If the situation involves another person, use DEAR MAN or FAST to maintain your boundaries and self-respect while fostering understanding.

Example in Practice:

Scenario: You’re feeling overwhelmed after receiving criticism from a colleague.

  1. Mindfulness: Step outside for a moment, take a deep breath, and focus on the sensation of the air against your skin.
  2. Distress Tolerance: Hold a cold water bottle against your wrists to calm your body.
  3. Emotion Regulation: Ask yourself, “Was their criticism factual, or am I interpreting it as a personal attack?” Reframe the thought: “This feedback is an opportunity to grow, not a judgment of my worth.”
  4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Use DEAR MAN to address the issue with your colleague:
    • Describe: “When you shared your feedback earlier…”
    • Express: “…I felt caught off guard and a bit overwhelmed.”
    • Assert: “I’d like to understand more so I can improve.”
    • Reinforce: “This will help me meet expectations better in the future.”

Why This Works

By integrating techniques from all four DBT modules, you address the emotional, physical, and relational aspects of distress. This holistic approach helps you regain control, navigate challenges effectively, and build resilience over time.

Using Positive Psychology to Manage Depression

Some of us rebel at the thought of a Higher Power and subsequently the whole 12 Step program. I personally believe Depressed Anonymous is the best thing to manage my depression long term but I want people to heal and have hope regarding depression. Healing is even more important than the 12 Steps. With that in mind here is some free training available for Positive Psychology.

  1. Foundations of Positive Psychology Specialization led by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the founder of positive psychology. https://www.coursera.org/specializations/positivepsychology
  2. The Science of Well-Being from Yale, available on Coresera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?
  3. BerkeleyX: The Science of Happiness from Ucal Berkeley. https://www.edx.org/learn/happiness/university-of-california-berkeley-the-science-of-happiness
  4. BerkeleyX: The Foundations of Happiness at Work written talking about work. https://www.edx.org/learn/happiness/university-of-california-berkeley-the-foundations-of-happiness-at-work
  5. Develop Creating and Happy Mindset from Udemy. https://www.udemy.com/course/rise-in-love/?couponCode=ST5MT020225BUS
  6. A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment hosted by Coursera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness
  7. APA: Positive Psychology https://www.edx.org/learn/psychology/american-psychological-association-positive-psychology
  8. Positive Psychology hosted by Coursera. https://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology

NOTE – These were free on the day this post was written. That may change over time.

The goal here was to provide alternative ways of healing from depression. This is for informational purposes only. Depressed Anonymous is not endorsing nor recommending any of these courses.

DBT Grounding Techniques – Part 4 Interpersonal Effectiveness

Part 4: Interpersonal Effectiveness – Communicating with Clarity and Confidence

Relationships can be one of the biggest sources of both support and stress. When emotions run high, it’s easy to fall into patterns of people-pleasing, avoidance, or conflict—especially when struggling with anxiety or depression. Interpersonal Effectiveness teaches you how to communicate your needs clearly, set healthy boundaries, and maintain relationships without sacrificing your well-being.

By practicing these skills, you can navigate tough conversations with more confidence and build stronger, more balanced connections. Let’s explore some grounding techniques to help you stay present and intentional in your interactions.

Interpersonal effectiveness helps you navigate relationships in a way that balances your own needs with the needs of others. It focuses on building and maintaining healthy connections, while staying true to your values and boundaries. Below are grounding practices that help manage emotional intensity during interactions and promote balanced, effective communication.

1. DEAR MAN: A Framework for Effective Communication

DEAR MAN is a structured approach to expressing your needs clearly and calmly while maintaining relationships and reducing anxiety.

How to Practice:

  1. Describe
    • Start by stating the situation objectively, without emotion or judgment.
    • Example: “When you borrowed my book and didn’t return it on time…”
  2. Express
    • Share your feelings using “I” statements.
    • Example: “I felt frustrated because I needed it for my class.”
  3. Assert
    • Clearly state what you need or want.
    • Example: “I need you to return borrowed items by the agreed time.”
  4. Reinforce
    • Highlight the benefits of meeting your request.
    • Example: “This way, we can avoid misunderstandings in the future.”
  5. Mindful
    • Stay focused on your goal during the conversation, even if emotions arise.
    • Use phrases like “I understand your point, but…” to stay on track.
  6. Appear Confident
    • Speak with a steady voice, make eye contact, and avoid apologizing excessively.
  7. Negotiate
    • Be willing to find a middle ground if needed.
    • Example: “If Tuesday isn’t possible, can you let me know in advance?”

2. FAST: Upholding Self-Respect in Interactions

FAST is a tool to maintain your self-respect and integrity while engaging with others. It’s particularly useful for setting boundaries or navigating difficult conversations.

How to Practice:

  1. Fair
    • Be fair to yourself and the other person. Avoid self-blame or being overly harsh.
    • Example: “I understand you had a busy week, but I still need to address this.”
  2. Apologies
    • Avoid apologizing unnecessarily or for things beyond your control.
    • Example: Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for bringing this up,” say, “I’d like to discuss something important.”
  3. Stick to Values
    • Stay true to your core values, even if it feels uncomfortable.
    • Example: If honesty is important to you, say what needs to be said respectfully.
  4. Truthful
    • Be honest and avoid exaggerating or sugarcoating.
    • Example: Instead of saying, “You always do this,” say, “This has happened a few times, and it’s affecting me.”

3. Radical Acceptance: Letting Go of the Struggle

Radical acceptance is a practice of acknowledging and accepting situations as they are, without trying to fight reality. This can provide grounding in interpersonal conflicts or when emotions feel overwhelming.

How to Practice:

  1. Acknowledge the Situation:
    • Identify what is happening without judgment.
    • Example: “This person has different priorities than I do right now.”
  2. Accept the Reality:
    • Say to yourself, “It is what it is. I can’t change this situation, but I can choose how I respond.”
  3. Release the Struggle:
    • Let go of the desire for things to be different. This doesn’t mean you condone the situation, but you stop resisting it emotionally.
    • Example: Instead of fixating on someone’s behavior, shift your focus to how you’ll manage your feelings.
  4. Practice Self-Compassion:
    • Remind yourself that acceptance takes time and effort. Be kind to yourself if it feels difficult.

Combining Practices

These techniques can be used individually or together for more complex situations:

  1. Use DEAR MAN to effectively express your needs during a tough conversation.
  2. Apply FAST to maintain your self-respect and boundaries, ensuring you stay true to yourself.
  3. Practice Radical Acceptance if the situation cannot be resolved or changed, helping you ground yourself and let go of unnecessary emotional tension.

DBT Grounding Techniques – Part 3 Emotion Regulation

Part 3: Emotion Regulation – Taking Charge of Your Feelings

Ever felt like your emotions are running the show? When sadness, anger, or anxiety take over, it can feel impossible to stay grounded. That’s where Emotion Regulation comes in. This DBT module is all about understanding what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and learning how to respond in a way that keeps you balanced.

By recognizing the signals behind your emotions and applying simple techniques, you can shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling in control. Let’s dive into some practical grounding strategies that help you manage emotions and navigate life’s ups and downs with more ease.

Emotion regulation is about recognizing your emotions, understanding their purpose, and developing skills to manage them effectively. This module empowers you to shift overwhelming emotions into manageable states by breaking them down and responding intentionally. Below are grounding practices to help regulate emotions and regain balance.

1. Check the Facts: Evaluating Emotional Responses

Our emotions are often triggered by our thoughts or interpretations of events. Sometimes, these interpretations are inaccurate or based on assumptions. “Check the Facts” encourages you to pause and question whether your emotional response matches the reality of the situation.

How to Practice:

  1. Identify the Trigger:
    • Ask yourself: “What specifically happened that led to this feeling?”
    • Pinpoint the event or thought causing your reaction.
  2. Examine Evidence:
    • Is this feeling based on facts or assumptions?
    • Example: If you think, “My friend is mad because they didn’t respond,” ask yourself if there’s actual evidence or if it’s just a guess.
  3. Reframe Your Thoughts:
    • If your interpretation is exaggerated or incorrect, replace it with a more balanced thought.
    • Example: Instead of “They don’t care about me,” try “They’re probably busy and will respond when they can.”

2. Opposite Action: Acting Against Unhelpful Emotional Impulses

Emotions often encourage specific actions, for example fear might make you avoid things, and sadness might lead you to isolate. Opposite Action helps you break out of these unhelpful cycles by intentionally doing the opposite of what your emotion urges.

How to Practice:

  1. Identify the Emotion and Its Urge:
    • Ask yourself: “What am I feeling, and what is it pushing me to do?”
    • Example: If you’re anxious, the urge might be to avoid a challenging situation.
  2. Determine if the Emotion Fits the Facts:
    • If it doesn’t, commit to acting opposite to the urge.
    • Example: If sadness urges you to isolate, the opposite action would be to reach out to someone or leave your room.
  3. Take Small, Opposite Steps:
    • You don’t have to dive into the deep end. If fear makes you avoid public speaking, start by practicing in front of a mirror or a trusted friend.
  4. Repeat the Opposite Action:
    • Consistently engaging in the opposite behavior can weaken the intensity of the original emotion over time.

3. Building Mastery: Cultivating a Sense of Control and Confidence

A sense of mastery comes from achieving small victories and building confidence over time. This practice helps you feel capable and prepared to handle challenges, which can reduce the intensity of difficult emotions.

How to Practice:

  1. Choose a Small Task Daily:
    • Pick something achievable that gives you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Examples: Organize a drawer, cook a meal, or complete a simple craft project.
  2. Celebrate Progress:
    • Acknowledge your effort, no matter how small the task.
    • Example: “I finished organizing my desk today—this feels good.”
  3. Expand Over Time:
    • Gradually take on larger tasks as your confidence builds.
    • Example: Start with finishing one part of a project, then move to completing the whole thing.
  4. Balance Mastery with Self-Care:
    • Building mastery doesn’t mean overloading yourself. Make sure you balance effort with rest and recharge.

Combining Practices

These strategies are most effective when combined thoughtfully:

  1. Start with Checking the Facts to ensure your emotions are grounded in reality.
  2. Use Opposite Action if your emotional urge is unhelpful or counterproductive.

Incorporate Building Mastery into your routine to boost resilience and long-term emotional stability.

Hope is just a few steps away!