“It strikes people as a strange thing to say when I tell them that I found my depression a comfort. I found it convenient because I didn’t have to make my decisions about anything or anybody. I could medicate these thoughts of how bad I was and continue to meditate until I felt completely numb and immobilized. Thanks to the program and the emphasis on personal honesty, the more I got the courage to take charge of my life and change what I knew had to be changed.
Today, I am not going to allow myself to get into addicting to negative and unpleasant thoughts. I will risk being myself and step out of the prison of my depression into the fresh air of living with a certain amount of unpredictability and freshness.
Avoidance is a vast reality when you are depressing, as I learned through the Twelve Steps program. I don’t want to see, talk to or have anything to do with anyone else when I am depressed; I will have to force myself to get involved with other people if I want to have a chance of ever feeling better.
“Because of you, O Lord, I wait: you O Lord my God will answer.” Psalm 35:16. The more we work our Program, God is as near as we are to God. The more we open up our consciousness to the God of our understanding, the more God draws us to himself. We believe that as we wait on the Lord to speak to us, our God will speak to us in some fashion that we will recognize. (Personal comments).
Copyright(c) Hugh Smith. Higher Thoughts for Down Days. 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for Twelve Step Fellowships. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville., Ky. September, 24. Pages. 157-158.
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