When I was a child I was afraid of going down into our home’s basement. It was dark and gloomy. My older brother convinced me that a frightening ghost was prepared to jump on me and eat me if I ever ventured downstairs. Even when the single light that shone during the day couldn’t free me from my dreaded fear of the unknown.
As I grew older and outgrew my fears about ghosts and such I still was plagued with fears about things which popped up unexpectedly in my life. The way I handled these fears was to think of all the possible ways that I would be eaten (metaphorically speaking ) if the dark moods which were created inside of me continued. It appeared that the more I was feeling these unpleasant feelings swirling around in my mind, the more fearsome they did become. It was no longer the ghost in the basement that terrified me but it was my own fears of being reduced to nothingness that sent me spiraling downward into the great dark abyss. In a certain manner of speaking, when I had a situation that caused my whole person to grieve something as much as a part of ourselves , loss of a love, a loved one’s death, loss of freedom through an addiction, again I was being thrust into the dark basement of my childhood, with those old horrific feelings suddenly rekindled and as real a threat as the imagined ferocious basement ghost of my childhood.
Feelings are like that. They seem to just come out of the blue. In reality they come out of our past and those awful fears are being reignited by some of the same situations that caused us such panic in the earliest years of our lives. These fears continue to scare us and shut us down, feeling-wise, as long as we make no efforts to identify them and see how they are connected between then and now. Our body sensors are always alert to danger and so somehow a present danger or unpleasant feeling appears as fresh and new, when in reality it has its origin in a fearful childhood experience.
“By our continual shutting ourselves up in the little world of our own mind, we gradually sink more and more into despair and feel that no one can understand how we think and feel. The biggest freedom that we can gain from confessing to someone else is that we no longer have to have it all together and be perfect. We can then begin to admit we are petty, selfish and self-centered. We can then admit that we want to have restored a sense of peace by getting free from all worry and fear from the past and by turning these feelings over to the Higher Power. We can discover that forgiving ourselves and being forgiven by God are one and the same thing. The group will see to it that the more you admit your own fears about yourself and the future the less terror the present will hold for you.”
For more on this important subject please read Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
VISIT THE STORE here at our site and order online more of our valuable books on the subject.
I will not be afraid of the shadows in my life and my personality, but I will face them and look at them and find serenity.
“They knew what to do about those black abysses that yawned to swallow me when I felt depressed or nervous. There was a concrete program, designed to secure the greatest possible inner security for us long time escapists. The feeling of impending disaster that had haunted me for years began to dissolve as I put into practice more and more of the Twelve Steps. It worked. ” (1)
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
I am now having more periods of serenity and quiet as I begin to work the Steps of my program and trust more in my Higher Power. I know that my God is there right now waiting to help me through this time of sadness and disease. I believe that my help is coming from a power greater than myself. I know that it is never to my advantage to run away from my problems or hide from the fact that I need to construct a new way to look at myself.
When you are depressed you are not even aware of the fact that you are unconsciously making an effort to escape from your sadness as this running away that we do is so subtle and so chronic. Now that I know that I am responsible for setting myself free from my depression the more I am going to face my fear, anxiety and loneliness. I no longer intend to escape my responsibility for myself, my serenity and happiness. Only I can make myself happy.
Our fears began to dissolve once we begin the process of believing in this power greater than ourselves. We no longer put our trust in the sadness that appeared to us to be like a God in that it was all powerful and all important. It ruled every moment of the day. It also comforted us with its predictability. We are, today, choosing a God who loves us and will lead us into the promised land of hope and security.
SOURCE: HIGHER THOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS: 365 DAILY THOUGHTS AND MEDITATIONS FOR 12 STEP FELLOWSHIP GROUPS. DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. LOUISVILLE. JULY 14.
Fear is part of this whirling whirlpool –a veritable wave of the Melancholia that engulfs the person depressed. Fear, gloom and despair are all part of this experience we call melancholia. For some, tragically, it may even end in the self-destruction of suicide.
Below is a poem given to me to share with you from Ryan, my Grandchild. My Ryan is a Rapper (No, rapper is not a “door knocker” per dictionary) but one who loves to put his words into a music genre called RAP – Rhythm and Poetry.
Here is his poem that speaks of fear and its progression, causing the human spirit to spiral around and around into the darkness of the unknown.
Hope is part of the antidote of fear. The fellowship of Depressed Anonymous is likewise the antidote to fear. Again, expression of our fears to another human being is what can pause, even stop the vortex that kills.
THE SUDDEN PAUSE
Where to go now?