Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

Choice, Courage, Focus, Mindfulness

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

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I sometimes ask other people to write for the blog. Here is one such post.

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

Mornings have always been the hardest part of the day for me. For years, waking up felt like dragging myself out of a dark pit, and some mornings, the effort seemed impossible. I’m Chris M., a member of Depressed Anonymous (DA) since June 2023. My journey into DA began after a three-year severe depressive episode that culminated in a crisis—a decision to end my pain. Thankfully, that decision resulted in my hospitalization under a 51/50 order, where I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (cPTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), and ADHD.

After 22 weeks of Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), I found solace in DA, and it’s here that I’ve come to call myself a Saddict—someone who struggles with and seeks to overcome the grip of depression. My interest in why mornings hit so hard led me to explore the biology and psychology of what we often refer to in DA as the “morning blues.”

This blog reflects my own research and lived experience, highlighting the factors that contribute to these morning struggles and offering strategies to cope with them. Continuity in approach has been a lifesaver for me, and I hope the insights shared here resonate with fellow Saddicts.

Why Are Mornings So Difficult?

Mornings are a challenge for many dealing with depression, and there are biological, psychological, and behavioral factors at play. By understanding these elements, we can identify strategies to make the start of the day less daunting. Here’s a breakdown:

  1. Disrupted Circadian Rhythms
    Depression often disrupts the body’s internal clock, leading to an imbalance in sleep-wake cycles. This can result in waking up feeling out of sync with the day ahead, amplifying feelings of lethargy and disorientation.
  2. Hormonal Fluctuations
    Cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, peaks in the morning as part of the natural waking process. For those with depression, this spike can feel overwhelming, triggering heightened anxiety or emotional distress.
  3. Sleep Disturbances
    Sleep is rarely restful for those of us battling depression. Insomnia, fragmented sleep, or oversleeping all contribute to starting the day in a state of exhaustion, making the simplest tasks seem insurmountable.
  4. Low Energy and Motivation
    Fatigue is a hallmark of depression. Combine that with a lack of motivation, and the effort to get out of bed can feel like climbing a mountain.
  5. Negative Thought Patterns
    Mornings often bring a flood of ruminative thoughts—anticipatory anxiety about the day ahead or harsh self-criticism. These thought patterns deepen the sense of dread many of us experience upon waking.
  6. Reduced Exposure to Natural Light
    Especially during darker months, a lack of sunlight can affect serotonin levels, a key neurotransmitter for mood regulation. This deficit contributes to a deeper sense of gloom in the mornings.
  7. Lack of Morning Routine
    Without structure, mornings can feel aimless, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy or low productivity. A chaotic start often sets the tone for the rest of the day.

The Role of Brain Chemistry

As someone with a keen interest in how brain chemistry impacts depression, I found the following factors particularly compelling:

  • Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR): For individuals with depression, the natural morning cortisol surge can feel like being hit by an emotional freight train. This exaggerated response compounds feelings of stress and anxiety.
  • Serotonin Levels: Serotonin plays a vital role in mood stabilization. Low levels, often linked to depression, are particularly problematic in the morning when the body transitions from sleep to wakefulness.
  • Dopamine Dysregulation: Dopamine drives motivation and reward. Reduced dopamine activity can make starting the day feel pointless, further fueling depressive inertia.
  • Melatonin Imbalance: High melatonin levels in the morning can lead to grogginess and make it difficult to engage with the day.
  • Inflammatory Response: Chronic low-grade inflammation, common in depression, contributes to fatigue and malaise, often more pronounced upon waking.
  • Glucose Metabolism Disruption: Poor regulation of blood sugar can cause irritability and low energy, particularly noticeable in the morning.
  • Thyroid Hormone Imbalances: Thyroid dysfunctions, such as hypothyroidism, slow metabolism and exacerbate morning fatigue.

Strategies to Alleviate Morning Blues

While mornings are a struggle, there are evidence-based approaches that can help us Saddicts face the day with a bit more ease. These techniques have been instrumental in my own journey:

  1. Radical Acceptance
    Instead of fighting against the difficulty of mornings, practice acknowledging them without judgment. Accepting “what is” can reduce the additional emotional toll of wishing things were different.
  2. Opposite Action
    When every fiber of your being wants to stay in bed, challenge yourself to do the opposite. Even small actions, like sitting up or stepping into sunlight, can help disrupt the depressive inertia.
  3. Morning Routine
    Creating a structured morning routine can provide a sense of purpose. Include small wins like making your bed, journaling, or sipping a comforting cup of tea.
  4. Exposure to Natural Light
    Open your curtains or step outside to soak in natural light. This can help regulate serotonin and improve your mood.
  5. Movement
    Gentle physical activity, like stretching or a short walk, can boost endorphins and energize you for the day ahead.
  6. Nutrition
    Start the day with a balanced meal to stabilize blood sugar levels and provide energy. Including protein, healthy fats, and whole grains can make a noticeable difference.
  7. Mindfulness and Grounding Exercises
    Use techniques like deep breathing, body scans, or grounding exercises to center yourself and reduce morning anxiety.

A Continuity of Approach

Mornings are hard, but the strategies above can make them less so. As Saddicts, we know that continuity is key—whether it’s sticking to a routine, practicing DBT techniques, or simply showing up for ourselves each day. Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. If you’re struggling with morning blues, know that you’re not alone, and there are tools and a community here to support you.

Yours,
Chris M.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change strategies. Originally created for borderline personality disorder, DBT has proven effective for treating depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other conditions involving intense emotions. It focuses on developing skills in four key areas: mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, helping individuals build resilience and improve their quality of life.

Spirituality

This Atheist’s Journey in Depressed Anonymous

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Personally I believe in God but that is not true for all people in DA. I made an announcement asking for help from atheists and agnostics to share their spiritual journey in recovery. Here is one such story.

I was raised by atheist parents of Jewish heritage. I was, at best, turned off by religion, but as an ethnic Jew, I felt some particularly antipathy to Christianity’s persistent antisemitism. (I never thought this was true of all Christians – for one thing, I grew up loving the Christians in the civil rights and peace movements!). I was also acutely aware of the patriarchal authoritarianism of so much religion. Overall, I saw religion as a force of oppression.

I also have always considered myself to be scientific and logical. I have flirted with agnosticism during my life – there are certainly myriad phenomena and forces that are far beyond human understanding. But I have ended up believing that everything we currently don’t understand has some logical/scientific explanation at its root. The one exception is how everything came to be in the first place. That is simply not explainable and a deity doesn’t solve this for me, for I’m left wondering how that deity came to be. The bottom line is that I am indeed an atheist. And I determined that I was by no means spiritual, since that seemed like just another form of hokus pokus.

So, I came to my first 12-Step experience (DA) feeling suspicious of god and those who tout a particular, specific understanding of god. And, since this is a predominantly Christian country, I felt particular turned off by a religiosity that was bound to be largely Christian.

By the time I found DA, every other potential treatment for my depression had failed (and I had tried nearly all of them). I had no trouble at all with Step 1 – my desperation, my powerlessness, the unmanageability of my life were all apparent to me.

During my early weeks of DA engagement, others shared with me a variety of readings about the place for agnostics and atheists in the fellowship. Still, at times I recoiled and described DA to others as a cult. I resisted and kept coming back to my opposition to the idea of an anthropomorphic (male) god as a conscious decisionmaker for individual humans. I still hold that view (and the “thy will” portion of the Third Step prayer remains difficult for me).

I was glad to read that the higher power can take different forms for different people. But I was only “acting as if” as I tried to embrace that idea.

One of the readings (by Hugh?) talks about electricity as a mysterious phenomenon that we can’t understand. But I do understand electricity. Then, one day, I thought about gravity. This is a powerful, essential force that I absolutely do not understand. But would gravity be a force I could surrender to? Would it help relieve me of depression?

What has started to change for me is that I have begun to really feel spirituality. In the past couple of weeks, I have seen a coming together of elements of Buddhism (which I have just started to learn about) and meditation and words from my therapist (who is an atheist 12-Step alum). Even the Washington Post had an article in recent days about radical acceptance. No, I don’t believe that coincidence is the result of a conscious decision by a higher power. But I believe that a higher power is at work for me when I recognize these kinds of alignments.

One day recently, a DA member called me out of the blue. She was someone I’d had a little interaction with, but never any real one-on-one exchange. Her message to me was profound: that I was full of love and, therefore deeply spiritual. It hit home hard and I knew it to be true.

I have begun to feel the fellowship of the group in a new way. It’s more than comradery. Rather, it is deep compassion. And the service I was doing (I had started by being a timer in meetings and had progressed to chairing) was feeling so damn good. I could feel myself helping others by being there. One of my negative thought patterns has been not forgiving myself for doing almost no charitable work – but DA is giving me a true chance to serve.

Just last week, I stopped introducing myself as “Keith struggling with depression” and began saying “Keith, recovering from depression.” I don’t know that this will stick. My deep pain is still there. But I’m feeling better about myself and embracing love and DA as higher powers for me. I am a spiritual being and am hoping that this will alleviate my suffering.

Keith B.

Higher Power

Take back words meant to control you

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People have been holding other people down with words for a very long time. One used as long as there is history is the word God. People have said there is only one true definition of God, that there is a set of true and proper set of practices and rituals you must follow. Throw off those shackles.

Come up with your own definition and understanding of God. Your God is just that – YOURS. You decide if it has a gender or not, what it looks like or not, what it wants you to do and be. You can certainly take inspiration from other people’s conception of God, but you don’t need to buy into their definition and belief.

In one spiritual tradition it states that God made humans in His1 own image. Take matters into your own hands and create the God that will work for you. Is it Universal Truth, nature, beauty, love? If you don’t like the word God get over yourself – you are taking this word back and redefining it for yourself.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Note: 1 – I used the word His because that is the word I use given the faith tradition I grew up with. I’m not implying that it is the one and only way to look at God.

12 Step Meeting, Community building, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Positivity, Purpose

Crosstalk: What is it and Why we don’t do it at Meetings

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Come to Depressed Anonymous meetings and you will hear “there is no crosstalk at this meeting but members can comment directly to speakers in the chat.” The online dictionary says: Crosstalk is giving advice, criticizing or making comments about what others have already shared; questioning or interrupting the person speaking or talking while someone is sharing. Another definition which is exceedingly compelling is crosstalk is described as “casual conversation.”

What do we talk about at Depressed Anonymous meetings? There is quite a broad spectrum through the challenges and positivity, deep heartfelt experiences/feelings. We “tell on ourselves” revealing things that we would rather not be known of us yet, that is a power in dissolving shame and fear. Simple listening becomes a blessing of insights and enlightenment, simply by hearing each other. We talk “program talk” and that is not casual conversation. We learn to live one-day-at-a-time. It is not easy though it has been called “simple.” To turn the page on negativity, low energy, despair, hopelessness and choose gratitude, action and positivity is definitely not easy. Yet we are rewarded with the prospect of continuing future growth, freedom from depression. Oh, it may most certainly not be every day and moment but we hear and learn, learning as children do by repeating for our own selves what we hear has worked for our companions. We get a boost, a glimmer: “What a relief, I can get better.” After all, we come here to get better, to learn and practice the tools and develop skills to get better. Then we get to reveal the true person we really are and shed the mistaken identity falsely projected onto the screen of our minds by Depression. And the one price of admission: the desire to stop saddening ourselves. The sharing we hear may be baffling, intense, stressful. There may be heartbreak, trauma. But here we divide our sorrows and when we share our victories and gains, we double our joys. Because we are witnessed and witnessing with open hearts, with loving attention and care. That is the DA Difference, to meet each other with open hearts, loving attention and care. We see each other improving, we see ourselves with time and patience and practice, improving. We hear “I haven’t been depressed since coming to DA…” “I come to meetings, work the steps, I got a sponsor… I am getting better too.”

These are not casual conversations. No No! these are sacred words of truth, hope, light, love spoken then integrated in mind-heart-spirit. Individually and collectively, we improve. Sooner and later, we improve.

This sharing is not casual conversation. We mute ourselves when not speaking and even though we may heartily agree with what is being said, there is no “yes,” “Ah-ha,” “mmm.” There is no murmuring, no background noise because to glimpse and catch Higher Power’s idea for ourselves, well, these are flashes of silent-robed listening, devoted conscious attention.

We are hearing brilliant and commonplace miracles, they may be cloaked in tedium. Spirit is expressing through each one. With that comes great hope, great empathy, great informing of heart-mind-soul. There is IGNITION. Aeronautically speaking, “We have liftoff, Houston.” With each other, our meetings, our Twelve Steps, we spark the will to live as our true selves. We receive Grace, we Surrender, we take the Action and our stories of the miracles of living 24-four-hour days each day arise. Get ready: Hope is stoked, The Lights are On. We shine for ourselves, we shine for each other.

Doreen K, in Boston, MA January 2025

Hope

Hope Is A Hard Habit To Break!

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Habits are hard to break! A life filled with negative thinking is a hard habit to break. Smoking is a hard habit to break. Negative behaviors are also hard to break. Living a life filled with anxiety is hard to break.

Developing a new habit takes time, persistence, and a belief that I can rebuild my life. In our Depressed Anonymous fellowship, I have learned that motivation follows action. If we have a plan to break a habit, we must put that plan into action.

Depressed Anonymous offers us a workable plan to break our own negative habits. Our plan is proven to work. You can learn more about these plans by checking out our website at https://depressedanon.com, or Google us at Depressed Anonymous. Trust me, you will be glad that you did!

Hugh S., for the Fellowship

Acceptance

Surrender is not giving up

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There is a negative connotation to the word surrender. We balk at it and say “No, never!”.

Surrender is fully accepting the present as it is. You don’t have to like it, or want it, but the present moment IS WHAT IT IS.

Now you’re not giving up saying that this present moment will go on forever. Everything in the human realm is impermanent. There are things that I can do in the present and the next few moments that can help create an environment where peace and contentment can grow. That is the hope – change is inevitable – we can influence our future. The outcome is in God’s hands but it is up to us to do the leg work.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Belief, Believing Is Seeing, Faith, Miracle Thinking, Mutual Aid, Prayer

A Better Gift

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Sometimes it comes to our mind that we have prayed a long time and still it seems that we do not have what we ask for. But we should not be too depressed on this account, for I am sure, according to our Lord’s meaning, that either we are waiting for a better occasion, or more grace, or a better gift.
– Julian of Norwich

Hope, The 12 Steps

DA – A Truly Life Changing Journey

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My first psychiatric hospitalization was at age 15. That began two decades of waves of major depression, later called “treatment resistant depression.” I tried just about every medication and therapy there was. My depression lied to me saying I was not good enough (in reality, I was a straight A student and won numerous awards). In my mind, that was not enough, I was not enough. Depression told me “the world would be better off without me.” I found alcohol and other substances to escape my pain. That worked for awhile, but ultimately plummeted me into self-hatred. I had periods of functionality working and pursuing activities I enjoyed. Then depression took over, I couldn’t work anymore, I just could not get up. This depression was a tsunami that swept over me, consumed me. I let everyone down and I hated myself.

Because of my depression, I went on disability with help from my Mom. I made it through one semester of college, then the drinking, the depression and the eating disorder took over. I was hospitalized again. I withdrew from school. I was suicidal and made attempts.

Eventually, I found AA, got sober, worked the steps and found a new life! I still struggled with the eating disorder and the depression but I graduated college and started a career. Depression arose again. Everyone in the rooms of AA was happy, joyous & free…. so what was wrong with me?

After I had my daughter, things were better for awhile. She was the light of my life. Depression kept coming back, even stronger than ever. I was still sober in the rooms of AA, but depression was going to kill me. I tried something new to me: ECT, 6 series over the next 6-8 years. It hurt. A lot. Hellish to go through. It initially helped but the last session put me in a zombie state, unable to speak properly, vocalize or even write my thoughts. Something happened that should not have happened. It scared the hell out of me and my family. Over time I regained my function but I still have memory issues. ECT was no longer an option for me.

Ketamine helped for a while but it felt very addicting and so I stopped it. Suicidal feelings came again and I felt completely hopeless. I might live in an institution for the rest of my life. Even in sobriety I was helpless and hopeless and victimized by depression.

In desperation I googled “depression and 12 steps.” I found the Depressed Anonymous website. I was too afraid to go to a meeting but spoke with a member. I was desperate, utterly despairing. This DA member said he had also felt like that and there was hope for me. HOPE. For Me? I wept. That phone call saved my life. It launched a new life for me, it launched a new path. I got the courage to attend a meeting, I didn’t feel so alone after that. I met people across the globe who experienced depression, understood how I felt and yet they were doing better! I got the DA literature and a sponsor and started doing the work. A few months into DA, I had another severe depression and hospitalization. But I didn’t give up and I kept coming back. My willingness renewed, I worked through the steps with my sponsor and learned I am responsible for my recovery. I am powerless over depression but I am not hopeless. Eventually I started chairing meetings. Service helped me so much! It started to give me the sense that I was just a little capable. I took baby steps. All growth is gradual.

My recovery is like a puzzle: DA is one huge piece of the puzzle. Along with my Higher Power, connecting with my Higher Power, medication, AA, working the steps, eating fairly healthy, weight lifting and going to the gym. There is also puzzle pieces of outreach and service and more. I am off disability for over two years now, and excelling at a great job that I love where I can be of service. I am both a devoted, loving Mother to my daughter and a caring, giving daughter to my Mother. I am capable of being there for myself and others. Yes, I can balance work, life, recovery, service AND learn to have fun again, too!

I have so much gratitude to my DA sponsors and friends, our amazing founder, and all those in this fellowship. This has been truly a life changing journey for me. Life still presents sadness, challenges, fears and “life on life’s terms.” But just for today, I am capable, I have hope and I am not alone.

Yours in fellowship,

Stacy S., March 2024

Community building, Hope

How DA Has Set Me Free

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Working through the DA 12-Step Program started me on a journey which allowed me to face certain truths in my life. They were truths I may not have been aware of or willing to face otherwise. This recovery continues and helps me even today. What is buried deep within can be revealed. I can understand how and why I arrived here. I can come to understand what it is that I need to make myself better. I know that my Higher Power led me here and remains by my side as I continue to navigate my way through life.

When I found DA and the 12 Steps, I was desperate. I was fighting with everything I had to not fall back into another bout of depression. When I’m depressed, I retreat from life and go into survival mode. I sink into a deep, dark hole. My body feels hollow and my emotions are frozen. I lose all interest in “living” my life. My only goal is to survive the day so I can return to the “blessed oblivion” of sleep at night. I do whatever I need to do to stay out of my head which is full of negative thoughts. It feels like hell but it also feels safe and comfortable to be in this dark hole because it allows me to check out of my life. I’ve freed myself from being an active, contributing member of my family, my community and the whole human race. Depression is the excuse I use to not have to deal with any expectations placed upon me by myself or others.

I have discovered a lot about myself on this path. I’ve exposed feelings of fear, shame & unworthiness. I’ve had to work on accepting my negative emotions and becoming more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Allowing myself to be vulnerable, to practice self-compassion and to accept all of who I am both the good and the not so good. This has been a difficult but necessary part of my journey. I’ve had to work on my negative thinking which causes negative feelings which then drives negative actions and produces negative results. Positive and negative experiences/feelings are a natural part of existence. The key is to be able to accept them both!

I am grateful for DA, the Program. Community & all the members who have helped and continue to help me as I go forward. My wish is that everyone who joins DA will find what they need to help them manage their depression. I know this program really does work. There is hope for you, too!

MT, February 2024

12 Step Meeting, Act As If, Belief, DA Literature, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, Meditation, Purpose

The Bright Light of Hope

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If we have worked the 12 Steps on a daily basis, we now realize the value of surrender and the power that releases in us, just by making a decision in Step Three to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God” is the beginning of reconnection with life and ourselves. It is in the group that the depressed person begins trusting their members where they have admitted that their lives are unmanageable, and that they have made a conscious decision to turn their lives over to God, or the Higher Power. The Twelve Step program helps people to become God conscious. It is in working the program while making no excuses for the spiritual nature of our recovery, we can begin to attribute our new-found sense of hope and peace to the Higher Power. For the active member of Depressed Anonymous there begins to glimmer in the distance, the bright light of hope.

Submitted by Janet M.