When I was depressed (for over a year) I got hooked up with a dance partner who continually stepped on my feet. I knew that stopping the dance was my only way out. I imagined if I could learn a little more about the dance and the proper step sequence things would turn out better for me.
The more I tried to think things out, try different step sequences the worse things got. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs and carefully watching each foot as it lifts to go from one level to the next. It’s a strange feeling as our mind and body become frozen from what is normally an automatic sequence. We don’t even think about the fact that our feet are taking the steps up one at a time.
From my own experience with this circular dance I learned that the more I thought about why I was doing what I was doing the more my partner (my physical body) came to a standstill. My mind went round and round over a sequence, which I was hoping would free me. Instead, the dance stopped. I left the dance floor (my world) and retreated into my own little life surroundings, going over and over again , completely obsessed with trying to figure out a dance sequence, with a result, like the wrestler’s “body slam” which flattened and pinned me to the floor. No matter how hard I tried to figure out what went wrong, the more this circular dance tightened it’s grip on my thinking, my body and everything else that had made me an active part of my world, friends and future. I am all alone.
In the Depressed Anonymous Publication, I’ll do it when I feel better, we read
“We all know that any addictive /compulsive type of behavior gradually removes you from the regular activities of persons around you, including family, friends and coworkers, until you are established in the narrow confines of pain and isolation. We are always going to be just a little more isolated the more we try to think our addiction through in the circle of our own thoughts. ”
Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better., 2nd edition. Hugh M. Smith (2018) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 61.
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.