Motivation follows action.
As I continued to spiral down into that dark pit of the gloom of despair — an experience totally foreign to me- – I thought I was going crazy. My mind no longer able to hold on to a single thought. A memory that was unable to capture and retain material just read. It was as if I had to read a piece repeatedly in order for the mind to capture the essence of what was read. I began to fight myself in order just to get out of bed in the morning. Saddled with a growing physical fatigue it was a moment looked for just to come home after work and go to bed. And this was at five -thirty in the early evening.
If I was in the company of someone laughing, smiling or just plain happy I just wanted to go up to them and tell them “STOP! What right do you have to be so happy when I feel so miserable?” And with my steps taking me further down into the pit of sadness and isolation it was as if I was in a place where I could just let life pass me by.
But I couldn’t let life pass me by. I knew that I couldn’t just put a halt to living my life. I had to keep my job. I had to free myself from this prison of sadness. So, I had to try and shake this horrible jittery feeling making my insides feel like a basket filled with spiked bouncing balls. And little did I know what was happening to me. I had no label on which I could attach some meaning to my dreadful experience. I just knew something was out of kilter – big time.
I decided to get moving–just walk. Walk! And walk some more. I felt like Forrest Gump who walked long and hard. I walked my five miles every day. I walked in the morning forcing myself to get out of bed, even though the mental struggle to stay in the comfort of a soft bed beckoned me like the ‘sirens’ of the ancient world–beckoning those who followed their call–to perish.
When I began to take action and get the body moving it seemed that my mind followed right behind. Move the body and the mind will follow. The more I FORCED myself to walk–day after day-I found that my motivation improved and I felt more empowered to keep doing what I was doing, namely, walking. Now don’t get me wrong, just getting out of bed of a morning produced quite a struggle within myself. It was always the same thought that continued to bludgeon me every day: “Oh, I’ll just wait to walk when I feel better.” Folks, I never did feel better. Whatever you are feeling and when feeling depressed, get moving. Get into ACTION. The more you take some physical activity for yourself the more motivation you will accumulate to get yourself undepressed It worked for me. You do have the key to the prison of depression. Try it and see how it works for you.
Hugh