Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

..we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life

Promise #4: We comprehend the word serenity and we know peace of mind.

Agitation, anxiety and jitteriness were all part of my life as I muddled through day after day, one foot in front of the other.  Serenity was definitely not a part of my life.

As with any attachment to a negative behavior, serenity and peace was the farthest thing from my life. The new beliefs and thoughts which I heard expressed at Depressed Anonymous meetings started to help me change the way I thought about myself, my world and my future.

I believe that it takes work, time and prayer and quiet periods of meditation to achieve the peace and serenity that we are talking about here.

  PEACE OF MIND IS THE RESULT OF:

  1. A clear conscience
  2. Living in the present
  3. Gratitude everyday
  4. Belief that the God of my understanding will get me through the problems of my life
  5. Forgiveness of myself and amends to all person I have harmed
  6. Doing God’s will means letting go

I am firmly convinced that in order to continue any semblance of peace and serenity I will have to structure a daily quiet period into my life. This is an essential part of the prescription for getting well and staying well. Also, I believe that when I am quiet, God can give to me all that is mine to have. My will and my life  have to be attuned to God’s presence and love.  We will know that in order for God to make itself present to us and demonstrate its love we have to sit still, be quiet and listen with purity of heart. This is an essential part of the formula where we will find our sobriety and serenity.

It is my belief that God does speak to those who remain quiet and have a design to listen. Peace is defined as “an undisturbed state of mind, absence of mental conflict.”   Serenity is defined as “a quality or state of being serene; calmness, tranquility.”

The quality or state of being serene all takes time, work and discipline. I believe that  the big book of AA says it best: ” When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts   of remarkable things followed.  We had a new employer; being all powerful he provided what we needed, if we kept close to him and performed his work well.

Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in plans, our little designs  and ourselves.  More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or hereafter.. We’re reborn.” ( Page 63, AA).

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SOURCE: Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 36-38. The Promises of Depressed Anonymous.

 

We believe that no one can love us…

We come to believe that if we do consider ourselves bad and worthless, we just know that no one can really love us or accept us. We just know the more we look at ourselves and our few remaining relationships, that we really aren’t accepted – people just put up with us.

“…There is  one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others. You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. You know this. That’s why you always expect the worst.” Dorothy Rowe.

Responsibility is the name of the game in recovery and it is here that we need to focus our attention.  As we get into discussion with other people who are depressed, much like ourselves, we see that they talk abut feeling better while at the same time acting on their own behalf. These people who are doing better are also talking about taking charge of their lives and doing things for themselves. In fact, at Depressed Anonymous meetings, the recovery people often delight at how assertive they are becoming now that they have gained a sense of mastery over their lives. They are also committed to their own recovery. People who want to change begin to swallow their pride and ask for help.  They get in touch with their feelings and feel!  This is truth and this is getting in touch with one’s best self. ”


SOURCE: Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 91.

The meaning of Depression seen from the perspective of Judaism

THE JEWISH VISION

As an ongoing examination of major world religions, our  first being Buddhism, we would like now to focus on  Judaism’s perspective on the subject of depression.

Abramo  Alberto  Piattelli tells us  in his paper presented at the world conference on depression,  that he would like to refer to cases of depression that are to be found within the Jewish community and try to identify its causes and focus on the contribution that Judaism can offer to a solution to this problem in the light of millennia- old tradition.

From an examination of the condition of a depressed person, what most provokes anxiety and interest is to see that in such a person every vital dynamism is suppressed and this is translated into a strong diminution in that person’s interests and initiatives.; indeed, to the point of reducing the activity of the subject to a state of complete inhibition.

In a society in which individualism is exalted and relationships between people are limited, every individual runs the risk of being alienated and isolated by society.

From a theological point of view, the human community works against the loneliness of man and the loneliness of God. Thus it is that a Midrash states ‘since the first day of creation the Holy One, may He be blessed, has wanted to enter into communion with the terrestrial world and live amidst the creation together with His creatures.’

“…the whole of Jewish practice is constructed in such a way that the individual finds his proper role in that community.”

“…society as a whole cannot ignore the condition of the individual human being but must, rather, see him  as an integral part of itself.”

“…what Rabbi J.D. Soloveitchik defines as the ‘community of prayer’   he means a community united in shared pain, in shared suffering, and also in shared joy. According to the Jewish tradition, the language of prayer must always be in the plural so that the praying person always associated his own neighbor with the supplications that are expressed. Individual prayers, that is to say those expressed at times of illness, mourning or other critical moments, must also be expressed in the plural.

“…the whole community takes upon itself the suffering of another person and works for his reconnection with the community.”

The correlation that exists between the individual and society, and the obligations that derive from this correlation, are the foundation of the whole of Judaism.

During our time, in which the most evident symptom of depression lies in the marginalization of the individual and his non-relevance within society, the Jewish tradition emphasizes the value of the participation of the individual  in the life of the community, precisely because in this context man is called by his destiny to manifest all his dignity. The concern of the community in relation to the individual who suffers from depression involves freeing this person from worry, paralysis and  desperation.” Pages 106-107. THE JEWISH VISION.

Living in the security of my hope

I am choosing to live in the security of my hope rather than in the fear of life’s possible pain.

“…Haven’t our sadness and thoughts of unworthiness been our last refuge from having to face ourselves, take charge and accept responsibility for our own lives? For many, just knowing that that they might have a choice and be able to choose to feel differently can be a startling revelation.  I can choose to be happy or I can choose to stay feeling miserable.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Life is one that provides me with many areas of choice. I can choose to live with the uncertainty of hope or I can stay mired in the despair of having to always have everything predictable. The latter is the hell of my depression.


SOURCE:    Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Buddhism, and the mind as the druken monkey.

Mind as drunken monkey? Let’s  explain. In a talk delivered at the Proceedings of the 18th International Conference on Depression (2003) in Rome, the Perspective  of Buddhism and depression  was delivered by Raymond R.M. Tai, with the help from Ven.Prof. Heng-ching Shih, a Buddhist nun, whose paper Tai  delivered at this important conference.

The following are some thoughts on Buddhism and depression as presented by  Dr. Heng-ching Shih in her paper.

“In concentration meditation, we focus on a single object such as the breath, a mantra, or a  zen  koan, with wholehearted attentiveness. It is the cultivation of self-control of attention through control of the mind. In Buddhism, the mind is often described as a drunken monkey running wildly within six windows. Five of the windows correspond to sensory impressions from our five senses and the sixth window correspond to our mental sense of internally generated impressions including thought and memories. For most people the monkey runs from window to window out of control. Through concentration practices, the meditator learns to control the monkey and keep consciousness focused on some meditation object.

One of the most well known, popular and practical examples of concentration meditation is called “the mindfulness of in and out breathing.” We breathe in and out all day and night, yet we are hardly mindful of it. In order to meditate, we sit physically  still in an upright position to receive the immediate flow of moment to moment experience, attending to the breathing process, silently noting the inhalation and exhalation at the nostrils and abdomen. The effort is not to control breathing but to be attentive to it.

At the beginning it is difficult to pay attention to our breathing for even a few consecutive seconds. The more we attempt to pay attention to it, the more we become distracted. Memories, daydreams and anxieties arise. There is an apparently endless flood of thoughts,  feelings and fantasies. One of these usually catches our attention and we become  oblivious to the present moment.

As soon as we notice that our attention has wandered,  we should resume our attention to breath. Like a child who reaches for one toy, becomes bored, and reaches for another, and then another, our mind keeps jumping from one thought, feeling or fantasy to another. Interestingly, by noticing that we  have been inattentive we slowly cultivate increased attentiveness and focus.

After a certain period of practice, we may experience for just a split second that our mind is fully concentrated on our breathing, when we will not hear even sounds nearby, when no external world exists. This slight moment is a tremendous experience, full of joy, happiness and tranquility.

The experience of mindfulness of breathing, which is one of the simplest and easiest practices, can be applied to every action of daily life. People do not generally  like their present actions.  They live in the past or in the future. This is especially true with depressed patients.  Though they  seem to be doing something now, they live somewhere else in their thought, in their imaginary problems and worries, usually in the memories of the past or in desires  and speculations about the future.

The Vietnamese Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh gives the following instruction of practicing mindfulness: while washing the dishes, you might be thinking about the tea afterwards, and so try get them out of the way quickly as possible in order to drink the tea. But that means that you are incapable of living during the time you are washing dishes. When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking  tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life.”

(Page 116, Tai).

More about the Drunken Monkey tomorrow. Also, insights into Morita Therapy.

Shame, Shame, Shame

On deciding what “go to guy” to help me, when setting up the 12 Step Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group, I went to Aaron Beck’s book, Cognitive Therapy of Depression.  It was there that I found out the why’s and how’s we shame ourselves.  Many times we feel shame to tell another that we are depressed.  I have felt this myself. So, when it came time to form a group for the depressed, it was there that at many of the group sessions the fact of shame came up in the fellowship. I saw that what  was   needed was a therapeutic way to deal with the fact of how to overcome the “shaming” of ourselves.

Beck advises the following to a person saddled with shame:

The patient can be told that if he adopts an “antishame”  philosophy, a great deal of pain and discomfort can be avoided. When, for example, the patient makes a mistake that he believes is shameful, he can turn this experience into an antishame exercise by openly acknowledging it instead of hiding it. If he pursues this open policy long enough, his proneness to experience counterproductive shame will diminish. Moreover, he will be less inhibited and more flexible and spontaneous in his range of responses..

One way a therapist can help a patient to resolve feelings of shame over being depressed is illustrated in the following excerpt.

Patient: If the people at work found out I was depressed they would think badly of me.

Therapist: Over 10% of the population is depressed at one time or another. Why is this shameful?

Patient: Other people think people who become depressed are inferior.

Therapist: You are confusing a psychological condition with a social problem. This is a version of blaming the victim. Even if they did think badly of  you –either out of their own ignorance or adolescent way of rating people –you do not have to accept their evaluation. You feel ashamed only if you apply their value system to yourself, that is, if you really believe it is shameful.

Beck then goes on to say that “Other standard procedures, such as having patients list  advantages and disadvantages of expressing shame, can be used to deal with this response.”


Sources: (c) Aaron Beck . Cognitive Therapy of Depression (1979). The Guilford Press, NY. Page 179.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

The price of recovery

Many times in my past I would ask myself if I could possibly live without my addiction? I always said “yes”, I could–but not just yet. How often I repeated that phrase to myself over the years. Or I’d tell myself “I’ll do it when I feel better.” That was another favorite mantra of mine. Have you ever said those same words to yourself? It’s like if I just keep pushing it off maybe the problem will go away. But, we know that is not how it works. If you are presently reading this and in recovery you know how this recovery really works.

For me, it was told to me that really what recovery is all about is to accept the pain of withdrawal  for the short term or to choose to continually  abuse yourself for the long term. When I have a toothache I can see a dentist and have the tooth and the associated pain   neutralized or I can continue with the pain till it is unbearable and then I  must do something radical and drastic–like pulling the tooth.

I began this whole painful process of recovery with an admission. I admitted that my life was unmanageable and that my life was out of control. That was the first step. And then having admitted that, I  listened to other members of a 12 Step fellowship group and I learned how the  program worked for them.  In fact it worked so well that many of them have not fallen back into any of their old past addictive behaviors. But as you and I know, there is a price to be paid for this new way of living. We first had to admit that we had a problem. We needed help.  And we needed it now. We had hit bottom. We then came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to a life of sanity. Making a decision to turn my life over to a Power greater than myself really got the ball rolling. I now knew that there is a God, of my understanding–and  I wasn’t God. When drinking and drugging we had the feeling that we  could do anything–that we were immortal and God’s gift to humankind.

This is where we had to face all this garbage that was ours and we had carried around for years–we needed to take an inventory of where we had screwed up. This is   painful to have to look in the mirror and see that person who made our life so miserable. No blaming anyone else. As Pogo, the comic character tells us, “we looked for the enemy and it was us.” You don’t have to look very far do you?  We might also look in the mirror and ask, “mirror , mirror who is the craziest of us all?” I think you get it. Without a doubt it is necessary if we want to stand tall and face life past and present with hope. and a sense of peace. There is pain, lots of it –but let me tell you, there is a great sense of relief that we no longer have to live in the shadow of life but now live in the light and the good humor of freedom.   The shackles of bondage are thrown off. I am a person who is free now and able to tell my own story at a fellowship meeting  just like when I walked through the 12 Step fellowship doors and found what I really was looking for: freedom from the pain of my depression and addictions. Look for a freedom group in your area.

SOURCE: (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

NOTE: These two books comprise The Home Study Kit. See VISIT THE STORE.

“…you always expect the worst.”

 

AFFIRMATION

I will use a notebook to chart my course, list how ech day goes, so that I can repeat the feelings or thoughts that have allowed me to feel I am becoming responsible for my activities.

“…there is one great advantage  about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others. You don’t have to be responsible for yourself.  Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly.  You know this. That’s why you always expect the worst.”

 CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Truly, I know this is where the great scrutiny lies, being  responsible for myself.  If all I did was sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am also making life miserable for those around me. This is why I, as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, knows that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death, that I began to feel better. No one will make me feel better. I will now make myself feel better.  I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of feeling worthless. I don’t want to blame anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in the problem. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working my Twelve Step program of recovery.

Blame helps  me to never have to look inside myself and ask myself how much  of my present state of depression is due to the way I have learned to think about myself and my life?  I am not in the blame game and so now I am  willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.

MEDITATION

Faith can move mountains. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you. I believe this. Personal comment?

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SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. (1993, 1999). Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville. Thought for February 6th. Pages 28-29.

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PROMISE # 2: We realize a new way to live

“After having made a clean breast of things we begin to live with a clean conscience. We have made amends, made it right with our God, others and ourselves.

How does one acquire freedom? Freedom is based on detachment. Detachment means to no longer cling to persons, places, things or behavior that cripples or demeans itself or others.

In  our struggle with depression, we had felt that we had lost all freedom and happiness. We now know that we have the key to our prison in our hands and as we move through each of the steps a new fact was discovered, that we don’t have to remain frozen in time with our depression.  We know that now we can celebrate a release from all the old fears, resentments and images that we held of ourselves over these many years.

Our happiness is now dependent on how we look at ourselves, our world and the understanding that we have of our God. I know for a fact that when I first came into the fellowship, I felt like a stranger in a foreign country. My thoughts and feelings were all confused as I began the journey into myself with a deepening desire to discover the engine that drives my sadness.  The battle raged inside of me – a battle that was fought in the shadow of past events – relationships. It was a personal triumph for me to finally see that there was a way out of this despair and emotional atrophy.  I now follow a practical plan as outlined by our suggested 12 Step program.  I make sure that every day that I get into action and do something.  I used to think that if I wait long enough the good humor fairy would tap me on the shoulder and I would be well. This is exactly the opposite of what our program of recovery promotes. Our position is that you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

A pill might make you feel differently-but it will never take away the circumstances that brought you down in the first place. The Promises here tell us that we will find a new freedom of happiness – but first, work has to be done. Our lives and the way we look at life are composed of past and present events.”

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SOURCES:     Copyright(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous (2002). Depressed Anonymous Publications.

Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better(2015). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 33-34.

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 109.