Throughout my life, different things have been my Higher Power. A certain job that I loved and prioritized above all else, or the person I was dating. When I was in active addiction, different substances were a higher power. Before recovery, the looming black cloud of deep depression was a higher power.
Once I got into recovery and the steps, I was encouraged to find a true Higher Power, or God of my understanding – a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity. In other words, Step 2. I can honestly say that after many months of praying and working the steps, this Power relieved me of the obsession to drink and helped me to recover from the hopeless dark pit of deep depression.
My challenge today, now that I am not in that deep dark hole of depression, is to keep my Higher Power the highest priority in my life. For example, I recently started a short term job in a field that I am very passionate about. It has been very demanding and time consuming, and I’m finding that this position is consuming my thoughts, actions, and life. When I talked to my sponsor about this, she asked “So, has this job has become your Higher Power?” I realized she was right! Where was God in my life? In my thoughts? How can I be working Step 3 if I am not cognizant of my Higher Power and turning my will and my life over to His care? I realized this job had become my priority in life, instead of my Higher Power and my recovery. I am grateful for this reminder, so that I can get back on track. I know that when I don’t place my Higher Power and my recovery first in my life, I start to slip back into old thinking patterns and old behaviors, which for me will lead me back into depression.
Thank you, God, that You are always there for me, ready and willing to help me, no matter how many times I stray.