As a depressive I feel that I am more sensitive than other people. Sometimes I need to determine if it is me being over sensitive orif it is the other person toxic and harming me. Toxic people come in many forms: narcissists, sociopaths, predators, etc. Truly deeply toxic people probably should be avoided completely. How can you recognize toxic people in your life? I found a list of characteristics of “human predators” which can be a proxy for any type of toxic person.
The characteristics of a “human predator”:
- Human predators are mean.
- Predators are utterly selfish.
- Predators pretend friendship and love but they feel absolutely nothing for others.
- Predators are charming and good at flattery, but they don’t mean a single word of it.
- Predators brag and boast and make up outrageous lies. When challenged, they blame others.
- Predators don’t feel anxiety or fear.
- Predators are impulsive and easily bored. They demand thrills and take dangerous risks. They enjoy pushing others into taking dangerous risks, too.
- Predators are bullies with explosive tempers.
- Predators enjoy humiliating people.
- Predators hate it if anyone else has power or is praised. For the predator, life is a competition and they want to win.
- Predators weaken people with insults and putdowns.
- Predators are cunning and manipulative.
- Predators lie easily and think nothing of breaking a promise.
- Predators are without conscience: they do not feel remorse or guilt.
- Predators often boast about the harm they’ve done to other people.
- Predators are parasites. They are lazy and live off others, giving as little as possible in return.
- Predators are control freaks, stopping others from taking control of anything if they can
- Predators force petty rules on others – rules that are impossible to follow.
- Predators boast about tricking other people.
- Predators boast about breaking the law.
If a person has most of these characteristics – avoid them. You are not being over sensitive, the other person is toxic.
If a person has one or a few of these characteristics they may be able to be managed through clear, firm and mature boundaries. However try not to fall into the trap of hate. Maintain a small amount of love for that person – even if that is just that they are a creation of God. The behavior can be hated but try not to hate the person. It’s been my experience when I hate someone I hurt myself.
If the other person doesn’t have any of the above characteristics I need to be open to the idea that I may be over sensitive regarding this. I need to pray and meditate on it. I need to talk to other mature, serene people who can help me discern my part. I need to own and take responsibility for my part of the problem.
Yours in recovery, Bill R