Why do I continue the work of bringing hope to those still suffering? What motivates me to continue to try and help others? What has made the change in my life where now I want to share what I know and what I feel. Basically, I know that the program of recovery works. I no longer feel powerless over my depression. In DA group meetings members speak my language. We see how useless it is to waste time looking back over our shoulder to see if the dark shadow of my own inner fears is going to overtake me. I now have attained small amounts of hope and strength as I go from day to day. I am prepared for those moments of despair that at times overtake me and cause me to feel paralyzed and out of control.
In the first step “we admitted we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable.” It is a paradox that it is in the admission of our lives being out of control that we began to take control of our lives.”
It was an interesting fact that in the very beginning of my recovery that I received a very important message… that if I was to get well I had to motivate myself to do something. I had to get in motion. That sounds simple enough doesn’t it? I must stop the isolating of myself and get to work on ways that would gradually lead myself out of despair and hopelessness, and deadly inactivity.
The first thing that I began to do each and everyday was to start walking. I just knew that the inner war that was waged with every step that I took was the message that “walking would not do me any good” would almost completely scuttle my best intentions to complete my walks. The odd thing about it was that, almost without fail, if I could just continue on and walk at least for 15 minutes and ignore the messages “that I was too tired to walk this morning” my body began to get into a rhythm. I would feel content to finish my walks. And ironically, there is not a day that goes by, when I start my walk that I don’t feel the lethergy and resistance to continue my walking. Then as always, after about 10-15 minutes into my walking, I feel a rush, an energy spurt, to continue walking. Other walkers have told me that they have the same experience. It must have something to do with the human body, with all its members working together and harmonically working in sync with each other.
I just add the above note to let others know that your body will repel the healthy attempt to move out of its isolation. It’s the force of one’s motivation powered by action that will in time help us all do one of the more beneficial exercises that our body can undertake, namely to walk.
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(C) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 42.