All posts by Bill R

Choice, Courage, Focus, Mindfulness

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

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I sometimes ask other people to write for the blog. Here is one such post.

Understanding Morning Blues: A Saddict’s Perspective

Mornings have always been the hardest part of the day for me. For years, waking up felt like dragging myself out of a dark pit, and some mornings, the effort seemed impossible. I’m Chris M., a member of Depressed Anonymous (DA) since June 2023. My journey into DA began after a three-year severe depressive episode that culminated in a crisis—a decision to end my pain. Thankfully, that decision resulted in my hospitalization under a 51/50 order, where I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (cPTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), and ADHD.

After 22 weeks of Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), I found solace in DA, and it’s here that I’ve come to call myself a Saddict—someone who struggles with and seeks to overcome the grip of depression. My interest in why mornings hit so hard led me to explore the biology and psychology of what we often refer to in DA as the “morning blues.”

This blog reflects my own research and lived experience, highlighting the factors that contribute to these morning struggles and offering strategies to cope with them. Continuity in approach has been a lifesaver for me, and I hope the insights shared here resonate with fellow Saddicts.

Why Are Mornings So Difficult?

Mornings are a challenge for many dealing with depression, and there are biological, psychological, and behavioral factors at play. By understanding these elements, we can identify strategies to make the start of the day less daunting. Here’s a breakdown:

  1. Disrupted Circadian Rhythms
    Depression often disrupts the body’s internal clock, leading to an imbalance in sleep-wake cycles. This can result in waking up feeling out of sync with the day ahead, amplifying feelings of lethargy and disorientation.
  2. Hormonal Fluctuations
    Cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, peaks in the morning as part of the natural waking process. For those with depression, this spike can feel overwhelming, triggering heightened anxiety or emotional distress.
  3. Sleep Disturbances
    Sleep is rarely restful for those of us battling depression. Insomnia, fragmented sleep, or oversleeping all contribute to starting the day in a state of exhaustion, making the simplest tasks seem insurmountable.
  4. Low Energy and Motivation
    Fatigue is a hallmark of depression. Combine that with a lack of motivation, and the effort to get out of bed can feel like climbing a mountain.
  5. Negative Thought Patterns
    Mornings often bring a flood of ruminative thoughts—anticipatory anxiety about the day ahead or harsh self-criticism. These thought patterns deepen the sense of dread many of us experience upon waking.
  6. Reduced Exposure to Natural Light
    Especially during darker months, a lack of sunlight can affect serotonin levels, a key neurotransmitter for mood regulation. This deficit contributes to a deeper sense of gloom in the mornings.
  7. Lack of Morning Routine
    Without structure, mornings can feel aimless, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy or low productivity. A chaotic start often sets the tone for the rest of the day.

The Role of Brain Chemistry

As someone with a keen interest in how brain chemistry impacts depression, I found the following factors particularly compelling:

  • Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR): For individuals with depression, the natural morning cortisol surge can feel like being hit by an emotional freight train. This exaggerated response compounds feelings of stress and anxiety.
  • Serotonin Levels: Serotonin plays a vital role in mood stabilization. Low levels, often linked to depression, are particularly problematic in the morning when the body transitions from sleep to wakefulness.
  • Dopamine Dysregulation: Dopamine drives motivation and reward. Reduced dopamine activity can make starting the day feel pointless, further fueling depressive inertia.
  • Melatonin Imbalance: High melatonin levels in the morning can lead to grogginess and make it difficult to engage with the day.
  • Inflammatory Response: Chronic low-grade inflammation, common in depression, contributes to fatigue and malaise, often more pronounced upon waking.
  • Glucose Metabolism Disruption: Poor regulation of blood sugar can cause irritability and low energy, particularly noticeable in the morning.
  • Thyroid Hormone Imbalances: Thyroid dysfunctions, such as hypothyroidism, slow metabolism and exacerbate morning fatigue.

Strategies to Alleviate Morning Blues

While mornings are a struggle, there are evidence-based approaches that can help us Saddicts face the day with a bit more ease. These techniques have been instrumental in my own journey:

  1. Radical Acceptance
    Instead of fighting against the difficulty of mornings, practice acknowledging them without judgment. Accepting “what is” can reduce the additional emotional toll of wishing things were different.
  2. Opposite Action
    When every fiber of your being wants to stay in bed, challenge yourself to do the opposite. Even small actions, like sitting up or stepping into sunlight, can help disrupt the depressive inertia.
  3. Morning Routine
    Creating a structured morning routine can provide a sense of purpose. Include small wins like making your bed, journaling, or sipping a comforting cup of tea.
  4. Exposure to Natural Light
    Open your curtains or step outside to soak in natural light. This can help regulate serotonin and improve your mood.
  5. Movement
    Gentle physical activity, like stretching or a short walk, can boost endorphins and energize you for the day ahead.
  6. Nutrition
    Start the day with a balanced meal to stabilize blood sugar levels and provide energy. Including protein, healthy fats, and whole grains can make a noticeable difference.
  7. Mindfulness and Grounding Exercises
    Use techniques like deep breathing, body scans, or grounding exercises to center yourself and reduce morning anxiety.

A Continuity of Approach

Mornings are hard, but the strategies above can make them less so. As Saddicts, we know that continuity is key—whether it’s sticking to a routine, practicing DBT techniques, or simply showing up for ourselves each day. Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. If you’re struggling with morning blues, know that you’re not alone, and there are tools and a community here to support you.

Yours,
Chris M.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change strategies. Originally created for borderline personality disorder, DBT has proven effective for treating depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other conditions involving intense emotions. It focuses on developing skills in four key areas: mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, helping individuals build resilience and improve their quality of life.

Spirituality

This Atheist’s Journey in Depressed Anonymous

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Personally I believe in God but that is not true for all people in DA. I made an announcement asking for help from atheists and agnostics to share their spiritual journey in recovery. Here is one such story.

I was raised by atheist parents of Jewish heritage. I was, at best, turned off by religion, but as an ethnic Jew, I felt some particularly antipathy to Christianity’s persistent antisemitism. (I never thought this was true of all Christians – for one thing, I grew up loving the Christians in the civil rights and peace movements!). I was also acutely aware of the patriarchal authoritarianism of so much religion. Overall, I saw religion as a force of oppression.

I also have always considered myself to be scientific and logical. I have flirted with agnosticism during my life – there are certainly myriad phenomena and forces that are far beyond human understanding. But I have ended up believing that everything we currently don’t understand has some logical/scientific explanation at its root. The one exception is how everything came to be in the first place. That is simply not explainable and a deity doesn’t solve this for me, for I’m left wondering how that deity came to be. The bottom line is that I am indeed an atheist. And I determined that I was by no means spiritual, since that seemed like just another form of hokus pokus.

So, I came to my first 12-Step experience (DA) feeling suspicious of god and those who tout a particular, specific understanding of god. And, since this is a predominantly Christian country, I felt particular turned off by a religiosity that was bound to be largely Christian.

By the time I found DA, every other potential treatment for my depression had failed (and I had tried nearly all of them). I had no trouble at all with Step 1 – my desperation, my powerlessness, the unmanageability of my life were all apparent to me.

During my early weeks of DA engagement, others shared with me a variety of readings about the place for agnostics and atheists in the fellowship. Still, at times I recoiled and described DA to others as a cult. I resisted and kept coming back to my opposition to the idea of an anthropomorphic (male) god as a conscious decisionmaker for individual humans. I still hold that view (and the “thy will” portion of the Third Step prayer remains difficult for me).

I was glad to read that the higher power can take different forms for different people. But I was only “acting as if” as I tried to embrace that idea.

One of the readings (by Hugh?) talks about electricity as a mysterious phenomenon that we can’t understand. But I do understand electricity. Then, one day, I thought about gravity. This is a powerful, essential force that I absolutely do not understand. But would gravity be a force I could surrender to? Would it help relieve me of depression?

What has started to change for me is that I have begun to really feel spirituality. In the past couple of weeks, I have seen a coming together of elements of Buddhism (which I have just started to learn about) and meditation and words from my therapist (who is an atheist 12-Step alum). Even the Washington Post had an article in recent days about radical acceptance. No, I don’t believe that coincidence is the result of a conscious decision by a higher power. But I believe that a higher power is at work for me when I recognize these kinds of alignments.

One day recently, a DA member called me out of the blue. She was someone I’d had a little interaction with, but never any real one-on-one exchange. Her message to me was profound: that I was full of love and, therefore deeply spiritual. It hit home hard and I knew it to be true.

I have begun to feel the fellowship of the group in a new way. It’s more than comradery. Rather, it is deep compassion. And the service I was doing (I had started by being a timer in meetings and had progressed to chairing) was feeling so damn good. I could feel myself helping others by being there. One of my negative thought patterns has been not forgiving myself for doing almost no charitable work – but DA is giving me a true chance to serve.

Just last week, I stopped introducing myself as “Keith struggling with depression” and began saying “Keith, recovering from depression.” I don’t know that this will stick. My deep pain is still there. But I’m feeling better about myself and embracing love and DA as higher powers for me. I am a spiritual being and am hoping that this will alleviate my suffering.

Keith B.

Higher Power

Take back words meant to control you

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People have been holding other people down with words for a very long time. One used as long as there is history is the word God. People have said there is only one true definition of God, that there is a set of true and proper set of practices and rituals you must follow. Throw off those shackles.

Come up with your own definition and understanding of God. Your God is just that – YOURS. You decide if it has a gender or not, what it looks like or not, what it wants you to do and be. You can certainly take inspiration from other people’s conception of God, but you don’t need to buy into their definition and belief.

In one spiritual tradition it states that God made humans in His1 own image. Take matters into your own hands and create the God that will work for you. Is it Universal Truth, nature, beauty, love? If you don’t like the word God get over yourself – you are taking this word back and redefining it for yourself.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Note: 1 – I used the word His because that is the word I use given the faith tradition I grew up with. I’m not implying that it is the one and only way to look at God.

Acceptance

Surrender is not giving up

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There is a negative connotation to the word surrender. We balk at it and say “No, never!”.

Surrender is fully accepting the present as it is. You don’t have to like it, or want it, but the present moment IS WHAT IT IS.

Now you’re not giving up saying that this present moment will go on forever. Everything in the human realm is impermanent. There are things that I can do in the present and the next few moments that can help create an environment where peace and contentment can grow. That is the hope – change is inevitable – we can influence our future. The outcome is in God’s hands but it is up to us to do the leg work.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship

Third Depressed Anonymous Conference announcement

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The Third Depressed Anonymous Conference will be held on Saturday 14 September 11:00am-4:00pm ET.

Same Zoom link. The conference will preempt the normal 12:30pm ET meeting.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/8515933239?pwd=YlhQMW5RdVRwUzJWTzRJT0IwdU4rQT09

Theme: Using Mutual Support to move towards Courage to Change

We are looking for volunteers to chair each session. A decision will be made early September who will be speaking.

Send your name or nominations to Bill – [email protected]

Higher Power, Spirituality

What’s up with the use of the word God?

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To me the word God is just a placeholder for the concept of Higher Power.

Imagine for a moment if you had to describe the interior of where you live and you could not use any of the noun names for the items in your living space: table, chair, carpet, cabinet, bed, sofa, sink, toilet, tub. You would need to describe each of these items in excruciating detail to convey their meaning. We don’t do that however. If we use the generic term chair that can be used to label any object that you can sit upon whether it is made of wood, stone, metal, plastic. Whether it is coated in fabric or not. No matter the color. You can understand the concept of chair and you can find items in your surroundings that match the concept of chair.

The term God is just like the term chair – it’s just a label. Try not to be so fixed in your judgment that chairs can only be made of wood. God comes in many different forms. The Great Divine is a multifaceted jewel and we only can see one facet of the jewel at a time.

The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao. – First chapter of Tao Te Ching, Lao Tszu

God is bigger than any box you try to put Him in.

That is just my limited understanding of God. I know there is a Higher Power and I am not that Higher Power. Whatever understanding I do have is finite and is filtered through my limited human ability to perceive.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Faith, Honesty, Hope

Happy New Year!

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We are on the cusp of starting a New Year here in the Eastern time zone. Some parts of the world are already into the new year.

The month of January is named after Janus the Roman god who presided over beginnings. Today is the start of something new. Be hopeful for the new year even if this past year has been challenging. The dark clouds of the past eventually clear and a new day begins.

Looking closely each day is a new beginning – a microscopic reincarnation. We begin anew each day. Start the new day with hope and wonder. Approach the new day with awe and wonder what God1 has in store for you. Let go of your expectations as to what the day will bring. You may be surprised what comes your way but try not to be upset by it.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Note
1 – I use the term God because that is my understanding of my higher power. Please substitute the term that is useful and comforting for you. I am not trying to force my belief upon you.