I don’t know what I am feeling. When I was in my ongoing perpetual melancholia I wasn’t able to describe what I was feeling. The one description that I was able to offer was that I had this interminable hollowness in my gut that just wouldn’t go away. Allied with this feeling was that of a jitteriness which was always with me. Eventually, I discovered that by sharing these feelings with others that I was able to put a label on them and talk about them. Of course, all of this led me back to the source of those feelings — my thinking and my behaviors. I discovered that my thoughts produce feelings, feelings produce moods and moods produce behavior. I asked myself–why is isolating myself so important and needed? Why is beating myself up mentally so necessary? Why is always seeing the cup half full so necessary and needed? Why does thinking that I am worthless and unacceptable press upon my mind? In time and with some persistent work I discovered the answers to these pressing questions. Are any of these questions some of your own?
“One of the major areas of our lives that we have a difficult time with is getting in touch with our feelings. Many of us who are presently depressed know that one of our great defenses is the denial of our feelings –our ability to feel is diminished as we continually choose numbness over vitality and spontaneity.” Source; Depressed Anonymous. 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Kentucky P. 50.