When I first joined the fellowship of the 12 step program of recovery. I really didn’t “get it  All I knew was that my life was in pieces and that I came to the 12 step group to see if I could put all the pieces of my broken world back together again. Well, it really wasn’t me alone that was putting everything back together. I knew it was my responsibility to  do all that I could to measure the work to be done and then get it done. I had lots of help. Lots of supportive people who saw me through the times when I didn’t get it. I especially didn’t get the surrender part to this Higher Power. But  after my prayer and  reflection time I realized that just by walking through the fellowship door for the first time that I was “:getting it.”  Just admitting that I had nowhere to go but up was a real  big step for me. Now after “still getting it” I am able to help others “get it.”  Our program takes time and it takes work. But it’s taking one piece, one shard at a time. By the time that we worked through all the steps, embedded ourselves in a loving fellowship,  plus admitted that there is a God and it isn’t me, good things happened for me. That was more than 30 years ago and I am still “getting it.” Get it?

“…A metal piece subjected to a lateral force first bends but maintains its flexibility, and returns to its previous form. If that force is increased one comes to its “yield point” a precise point in every case and the piece of metal remains permanently deformed. A quantitative increase has brought about a qualitative change. If the force continues to grow one reaches the “breaking point”: another precise point and the metal breaks. Here we have another qualitative change brought about by a quantitative change. We are referring here to “metal fatigue” when metal is subjected to small but constant pressure and suddenly breaks without warning in response to a not particularly sizeable pressure.

The same thing happens with human beings. The illustration points out some of the relationships and differences between the different types and levels of depression. Here as well, because the central factor that generates depression is anxiety , we encounter first the capacity of emotional response, then the capacity to rest in a balanced way (flexibility or fracture) and lastly the capacity to act (to live). The human mind is a unity of spirit and of body, even the strongest of minds, in the face of an continued or brutal attack of pain, can reach its breaking point. It first experiences a simple overload, it then passes from being flexible to being deformed, it becomes distorted, and finally it breaks.” Prof. Salvador Cervera – Enguix, Chair of Psychiatry, Univ., of Navarra, Pamplona, Spain.

COMMENT

I found this particularly informative and right on target. In my own case I was continually beating myself up, shaming myself with thoughts that caused more pain, and finally with increased forceful negative cognitions, causing extreme anxiousness, I collapsed. I couldn’t force myself to get out of bed. The “brutal attack of pain” day after day, night after night, caused not only a paralysis of thought, but finally reduced all personal motivation to get back on my feet.

But I found a solution : I forced myself to get out of bed every morning and walk 5 miles in a shopping mall. In time the exercise created a flexibility in my spirit that gradually helped get beyond my “breaking point” which seemed right around the corner. Also, I thank my Higher Power and the Depressed Anonymous fellowship.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 11,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

AFFIRMATION

“…The more we want to experience the temporary comfort of the addiction the more that experience dictates the course of life’s focus.”

Our lives are not lived in  straight lines but in the cycle of a twenty-four hour period. My life used to be filled with pain and hurt. Now my days are beginning to be more hopeful and cheerful as I declare my dependence on my Higher Power rather on my depression. I am conscious of the fact that I have been habituated to thinking only one way about myself all this time, but now with my new recovery experience operating consciously in my life, this has helped me learn to go down new avenues filled with hope instead of the hopelessness and despair of the past.

My focus is on getting myself free from depression. One of the best ways is to take an inventory of my life for me to check out which of my beliefs and attitudes keep me stuck in my depression. I need to ask myself what is my strength that gets me through another day?  Not much will change in my life until I grapple with these areas of my life.

MEDITATION

God fill up the holes in our soul which keeps us from thirsting after your justice, your peace, and your will.”

SURRENDER AND WIN!

How can this make sense. Surrender and win? Well, in my life and probably in the lives of most of us who live with an addiction(s) we finally discovered this statement to true. Painfully true. I remember repeating to myself that “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.” It became like a mantra until one day I was forced to do something about my addiction.  It was like my hands went up in the air and the white flag I was carrying  declared  that the enemy finally had won the battle. I had no place to go. I could only admit that, yes, I was beat. Pushed down and stomped on.  By admitting my defeat  and surrendering to a belief that it was my last hope of survival. If I was to win it had to be on it’s terms. The ” IT ” here was the First Step of AA which stated that “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.” Wow! I knew deep down that it was my only chance to survive and leave behind me that awful bondage of my addiction for alcohol. The day that I entered that AA meeting for the first time was the day that I began to wrest free from the scourge of my being imprisoned by alcohol.  I learned a lot at that meeting: I learned how it was just in the admission that I had a problem that freedom finally became a reality

Whether addicted to sadness, food, booze, drugs, pain pills, or pornography, sex, _____________(name your own)  there is hope for you too. Wherever there exists an addiction, more than not, there exists a mutual aid group of like minded people who were there but now they are here (free).

The paradox of course  is when you finally give up and say “I’ve had it ” that there is a group of persons just like you who will say, “Welcome, to the fellowship.”

By surrendering and admitting I was living with a cancer that would eventually kill me, I made a decision to get help–surrender–and win back my life. That day, on  December 8th, 1982 I became a winner. I thank God, my Higher Power that I had enough hope left to surrender and find help! I won by surrendering!

Well, for one, it takes work to change our behavior. It takes time. It also takes a plan for getting done what needs to get done. You remember the saying: “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.”  There is some truth to that as I know firsthand from personal experience. How often did I tell myself that I would do this or do  that, when I felt better. Can you relate to that? Most of us can. But when I was depressed I never felt better – to do anything–at least to do the stuff that I needed to do to  escape  my comfortable  cocoon of inactivity. It was hardly comfortable. At least I didn’t have to make any decision to get better. I guess that was the comfort.

First of all, I knew that after being painfully aware that I was spiraling down into a place where I could not just snap my fingers and I would feel good again. My will power was powerless to help.  So, my awareness  told me that I had to get motivated and start to move–I mean physically move. I had to force myself out of bed. I did that. I motivated myself to move. I Got up the force to move my body and this gradually and with some reluctance moved my mind to do more. So then I placed myself into the doing stage. I had to change, I told myself

I then started a process  of removing from my thinking those thoughts that told me how futile my life was, plus how worthless I  considered myself.  I started to replace all those negative statements about myself  in my head with positive statements. Positive affirmations.  I began  to repeat over and over my mantras where I began to say good things   about myself, while discarding the negative and unpleasant thoughts about myself;  thoughts that continued to paralyze me. These mantras are the mental thinking loop which I repeated dutifully hour after hour, day after day. ” I will build a new life”;  “I am stronger than my sadness”; ” I have the courage to go through this painful experience”;” I no longer blame myself or others for my sadness”. “I do not have to wait for someone else to make me glad;” “I am focusing on my stars, not my scars;” . “I can do it;.”  “Yes, I can.”

Now that you are AWARE of being powerless over the sadness in your life, what are you DOING  today to continue MOTIVATING  yourself?  I will change myself.

SMARTPHONES? You don’t need a Smartphone to contact us here at DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS. Our central office is here in USA and our phone receives your message by Voice Mail. Leave your message and one of our volunteers will return your call. We would love to hear from you.

Our DA number is (502) 569.1989. Our email contact is [email protected]. Our website is www.depressedanon.com Type in Depressed Anonymous at Google and we will come right up.

Be smart and give us a call. Also, be smart and comment on our DA blog posts. Be smart and learn how to start a group.

MELANCHOLIA VORTEX

Fear is part of this whirling whirlpool –a veritable wave of the Melancholia that engulfs the person depressed. Fear, gloom and despair are all part of this experience we call melancholia. For some, tragically, it may even end in the self-destruction of suicide.
Below is a poem given to me to share with you from Ryan, my Grandchild. My Ryan is a Rapper (No, rapper is not a “door knocker” per dictionary) but one who loves to put his words into a music genre called RAP – Rhythm and Poetry.
Here is his poem that speaks of fear and its progression, causing the human spirit to spiral around and around into the darkness of the unknown.
Hope is part of the antidote of fear. The fellowship of Depressed Anonymous is likewise the antidote to fear. Again, expression of our fears to another human being is what can pause, even stop the vortex that kills.
FEAR

THE SUDDEN PAUSE
UNEXPECTED HESITATION

FEAR

Ambition killer
Life changer

DEATH
New routes
More caution
Less life
Confusion
More stress

FEAR

Fear itself
Where to go now?

FEAR

Drown
Suffocating
Death

…..FEAR
By Ryan

THE WORRY TABLE

THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN 40%

THINGS THAT CAN’T BE CHANGED BY
ALL THE WORRY IN THE WORLD 35%

THINGS THAT TURNED OUT BETTER
THAN EXPECTED 15%

PETTY USELESS WORRIES 8%

LEGITIMATE WORRIES 2%

RULE # 1 DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
RULE # 2 IT’S ALL SMALL STUFF
RULE # 3 IF YOU CAN’T FIGHT AND CAN’T
FLEE, FLOW!

SOURCE: University of Nebraska Cardiologist, Robert Elliott,

ON HOW TO COPE WITH STRESS.

A quote from PERSONAL STORIES in the 3rd edition of the DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS book. Page 148.

” I had to get my priorities straight. I put a lot of importance on things that were not important, or what somebody else might say about me.  I was afraid to change. I was afraid that I would change into a person that would be selfish and uncaring, but it didn’t happen that way. I just found a different way to go about it. In getting my priorities straight, I discovered that if a person doesn’t accept me the way I am,  then that doesn’t matter. I am going to do the best that I can. If someone else can’t handle that, I am awfully sorry about that, but it has to be. I want everyone to approve of me, but I am just not going to do that. I am not going to please everyone. I have got to take care of myself. I was so busy trying to please everyone else that I wasn’t taking care of my own needs. At the time I was doing it, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. Now I won’t deliberately hurt anyone else, but I am going to take care of myself.”   –Helen

NOTE:  The PERSONAL STORIES  include accounts from those persons who  found themselves  while being active participants in the fellowship of DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS. Their accounts of struggle and hope provide the necessary motivation for those still struggling with depression and shows how one can leave their own prison of depression. The DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS program of recovery provides not only a guide for productive and active living–it provides the tools on how to get to where you want to go.