All posts by Hugh Smith

Choice, Egoism, Stress

Higher Thoughts (positive)are like vitamins! Have you taken yours today?

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Affirmation

I am able right now to read and discover how I can undepress my self.

“… It seems that the physiological changes which accompany fear can have profound effects on the body which lead to a breakdown of the immune system, the system which enables us to throw off  obnoxious substances and viruses. Once this  this system ceases to function efficiently we are laid open to the ravages of all kinds of diseases.”

Reflection

It happens frequently that those who come to the office and say that they have had a cold which they haven’t been able to shake off,   are oftentimes under an undue amount of stress and pressure. The effects of continued worry and tension accumulate over time and should bring with it the effects of an impaired autoimmune system.

My body is made up of various systems all intended to work in conjunction and in harmony with each other. One of the many ways I could work against my stress   and overcome depression is to understand how I set myself up for depression. Sadness and depression aren’t caused just by a few irrational thoughts held over time – – if that was the case, then all of us would be depressed all the time. Depression, to be overcome, has to be understood and the best way to understand it is to begin to see that no matter how unclear is its origins, I’m still unable to do something so that I can undepressed myself.

Meditation

“God, put your hand in our hand and give us the gift of understanding those  areas, past and present in our lives which continue to produce those  thoughts  of self-hate and fear.”

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Personal comments

Source: Copyright ( c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve-Step support groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 41. February 24.

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I will look for fun things to do today.

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Your  Higher Thought for today!

Affirmation

I’m going to do a childlike activity today. Crayons anyone?

“In making yourself do all the things that your high standards demands, you turn everything you do into joyless work rather than pleasurable activities. “

Reflections

I don’t usually do activities that are pleasant or fun. That is why I find myself depressed.  As a child, I was taught to do my work and perform all my chores as perfectly as possible, so I didn’t have time to really be a child. My high standards were  such that I took on more and more work to always do the most and the best whenever possible. The more I did, and the more perfect I performed  my work, the more I would please others.

If I want some good advice on how to feel better, I need to start looking toward taking some time off for myself today. I need to do something frivolous and fun, making sure it has nothing to do with work or with performance. The more I will look for fun things to do for myself the less attention I may put on performing at the perfection level. Depressed people don’t know how to have fun!

Meditation

“God, you made the world and on the seventh day even rested. I need to take a cue from you and take at least one day off a week from all my work, projects, and worries!

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Source: Copyright (C) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily meditations and thoughts for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. February 21.

People Pleasing

The joys of approval seeking.

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The following post was  written by Bob P.

“I have observed that many depressives, including me, are given to approval seeking, some more than others. It seems fair to call it a kind of emotional dependency. Little children are completely dependent on their parents or whoever is taking care of them. They have no choice and are helpless. They  better have their parents approval or else.

Some of the children carry this kind of dependency right on into  adulthood, even to their graves unless they do the hard work of unlearning it. They have become so unsure of themselves, their opinions, and thoughts and skills, that they feel an imperative urge to get someone’s approval   that they are doing the right thing and that they are still ok.

When we, the former children, reach physical maturity, we find that people soon resent those who become dependent on them. They often become contemptuous of them -leaners, clinging vines, etc.  We literally drive them away from us with our constant demand for reassurance, hanging onto them, and begging them to throw us a few crumbs of approval now and then. We become fearful of asserting ourselves at all for fear of retaliating  such as outright ridicule, not being given a seat around the campfire, the doghouse, prolonged silent treatment, or stopping cooking, etc.  How can we avoid this treatment? Please them  more, of course?  Hardly. That brings only more contempt.

What will become of us?  We will spend our lives doing what others want us to do. Not what we want to do. If it gets bad enough, we will have feelings of total worthlessness and  self-loathing. Some will reach the point where they would rather die than to continue lving with that yoke around their neck.

You can free yourself from this fetter, but it’s really tough depending how badly you are addicted. It will take determination and sustained effort. It’s worth it to finally breath the air of freedom. And, you gave it to yourself. Start with a proven self help progam like Depressed Anonymous.

I include some words by Lao Tzu, 500 BC, who wrote the Tao Te Ching.

“Care about people’s approval

and you will be their slave.

Must you value what others value

and avoid what they avoid?

How ridiculous!

When you are content to be simply yourself

and don’t compare or compete

everybody will respect you.”

NOTE:

Bob P., Evansville, Indiana,  is  a  founding  member of  Depressed Anonymous and  one whose  friendship and thinking  I  cherish.  (Hugh S).

This article first appeared in the Spring 1995 issue of The Antidepressant Tablet, (Vol 6. No. 3)

Spirituality

What do you mean when you talk about a spiritual awakening?

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STEP TWELVE OF THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PROGRAM OF RECOVERY

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.”

“Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awakening as there are people who have had them. But certainly each genuine  one has something in common with all the others. And these things which they have in common are not too hard to understand. When  a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that  he or she has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he or she could not do before on their unaided strength and resources alone.  He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of conscious and being.  He has been set on a path which tells him that he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered.  In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he has hitherto denied himself. He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has made himself ready to receive it.

A.A.,s (D.A’s)   manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.”

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Copyright (c) Twelve and Twelve. Pages 106-107. Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, New York. 29th printing.  1998. (Quoted in Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.)

Focus, The 12 Steps

I will live in the solution – not the problem

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“Truly, I know this is where the great security lies, being responsible for myself. If all I did was to sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am also making life miserable for those around me. This is why I,   as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, know that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death,  that I will began to feel  better. I will now make myself feel better. I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of blaming anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in  the problem. No one is making me feel worthless. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working my Twelve Step program of recovery and  I am now willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.

Meditation

Faith can move mountains. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened  unto you. I believe this.

SOURCE:  HIGHER  TOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS.  365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step groups. DAP. Louisville. (February 3rd. )

For more information on Depression and the 12 Steps click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at our website www.depressedanon.com.

 

 

 

 

Fear

Fear Pulled me off my path

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The following story ” Fear pulled me off my path.” is reprinted here with the permission of Debra Sanford, the author of A MEDLEY OF DEPRESSION STORIES, pages  62-64. This particular article is one of a total of thirty-five stories featured in the book.

“Fear crushed me lately. I went into such  a dark place I couldn’t see the light. I had truly lost my way, like walking through the house with no electric at night. And having to feel  the furniture to figure out where I was. It was horrible. I cried so  much. I got it in my head that  I had leukemia because, of my severe anemia. All along thinking I was dying of cancer! I was leaving my children and grandkids. There was no hope to be found. In reality nothing had changed. Everything was the same as yesterday. I had a  nice little cottage, plenty of food and bills paid. I had so many friends in my life. But one thing had changed! My thought I was sure I had leukemia because I had the same symptoms. I freaked my self out so bad. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees! Fear is crushing. It drags you unwillingly into a tunnel of darkness. It’s one of the hardest things to come out of by yourself. It changes the playing field in one minute. I found it impossible to hold on to any kind of positive thought that would bring hope. I sobbed on my sofa and began to text my friends my fear dilemma! So many friends called and texted back positive words and even some humor that it made me laugh. There are not enough good things in the world to say about my good friends!! They truly are more valuable than money! About two hours later I began to feel  hope and see the light! They all have been crushed by depression and fear too. So they knew what it would take to pull me out of it. That’s the greatest thing about having friends who have experienced depression. You don’t have to explain it each time to them. They just get it! Fear is a dark monster that bares  no truth. It’s a lie! It hasn’t even come to pass yet, if it ever does. But the hope it steals is measureless!  And it clearly in the mind! The mind begins to run rampant with dark and scary thoughts. It starts to entertain the fear which lies as  it were a solid truth.  Within no time at all the lies  become some kind of reality in our minds, where we actually believe them as they are absolute truths. This is when the pain is at its height! Thus, my sobbing that I was definitely dying from  cancer.  It’s best to avoid fear at all cost. As the initial fear battle begins to distract your mind away from peace, call a friend immediately who is bold and powerful. And let them speak the truth to your mind and heart and loud and clearly! Do what you need to do to escape the “fear forest.”! Because once you allow yourself to entertain those scary thoughts you will be in that dark forest and it’s difficult to get out of it on your own. Call friends immediately for help!”

-Debra, NC

“Fear is crushing. It drags you unwillingly into a tunnel of darkness.”

Anger, DA Literature, The 12 Steps

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone. – Michael John Bobak

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How many times have we said “I’ll do it when I feel better(2016). ”  We all know that any new endeavor or activity in our behalf would definitely put us outside our “comfort zone.”  Any movement toward  walking out of our isolation is still too much of a risk. Depressed people do not want to take risks, especially as it involves change of    one’s lifestyle or behaviors.  We feel most comfortable staying parked in neutral! It’s better to know what we have than to  not know and get something for worse. We now know that to make progress in our lives and to live without depression we have to move courageously out of our comfort zone.

The following statement, How Depressed Anonymous Works,  is read at every Depressed Anonymous meeting and we quote it in full.

“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are in a journey of hope and who mutually care about each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a black hole and tired of living.

By our own involvement in the group we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too -I can get better. But we are not the people with the magic pills and the easy formulas for success.  We believe that to get out of the prison  of depression takes time and work.

We have all been  wounded in different degrees by the experience of depression.  We also know that there is a method to regain control over our lives that is practical and workable. It is successful for all those who want to change their lives. Some of us believed that there was no hope and that suicide was the only way out.

In this natural world one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual -that belief is the bottom line for all of us who are depressed and who want to get better. The  more  we attend meetings the more we will learn and see the various ways to escape from depression. We also learn how important it is  to not give up on ourselves.” (Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Page 182. Appendix A.)

 JIM MOVES OUT  OF THE COMFORT ZONE

“…The group members all expressed to Jim ( a new member to  DA) how they each had made a  mental decision to turn their lives and their depression over to the Higher Power because they had no place to go but up. It was this  to the Higher Power or God as we understood God that was the beginning of the overcoming of some people’s addiction to the comfort of their depression. They are now ready and willing to live with some hope. In time Jim got in touch with his anger and shared it with people who accepted it, and so was able gradually to move out of the shell that kept him from the hope that life would ever be different for him. The depressed person just believed and takes on faith that he/she will always be depressed and sad. Now that negative belief of being depressed forever has  to be reframed and we have to tell ourselves that if we have a positive faith our life will be better and we will begin to see changes. Many times we get what we choose when it comes to our personal feelings.”

Depressed Anonymous. Pages 57-58.

In the Chapter Eleven we read more about  the COMFORT ZONE

” Every so often we come into contact with a person, place or circumstance that causes some uncomfortableness and we start to withdraw into the comfort of our depression. It is here that we have dumped our trust  of the Higher Power and choose the comfort of our sadness  instead.” DA. Page 112.

“…For us who find sadness our second nature we at times continue to revert to the comfort of old familiar negative thinking and are in actuality returning to self destructive activity. Sadness is overcome by hope.” DA. Page 124.

For the 31 Personal Stories of those persons who no long find depression a comfort and have since left the prison of their own depression, please click onto our Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore and read for yourself the amazing stories of these 31 people in Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville. Personal Stories, pages 128-176.

For those who would like to order any of our publications, you now can order online.

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“It’s decision time. Do it now!”

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“Not all large decisions can be made by simply listing the pro’s and the con’s of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the  voice of intuition. If in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.

“If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation,  logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.

“But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear, Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience.”  Bill W., As Bill  Sees  It. , Page 202.   Co-founder of AA.

Depressed Anonymous Manual  and Decision Making

“God’s will is hard to determine at times-especially at such critical times as now when we want to give up on ourselves. This is the time to  give up our will and say “God, you take it – I’ve had it! You do the leading now!” And you know, God will. You will begin to get more honest with yourself as you begin  to look a little more closely at why you have been depressed  for most of your  life. And I might add here that for many of the members of Depressed Anonymous they seem to have been depressed from the moment of their conception. Even though many people come to Depressed Anonymous to help them through times of significant loss in their life, such as the death of a spouse, the breakup of a relationship , the loss of a job or loss of self esteem, many others are attempting to relearn how to act more  wisely and treat themselves kindly. Depressed people don’t know how to have fun or even how to plan a pleasant activity.  It’s  completely out of their experience. They spend most of their time beating themselves for all their real or imagined mistakes in their lives.”  Depressed Anonymous,  3rd edition. (2011 ) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 46.

For more information on the 12 steps and depression please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at this site.

 

Fellowship, Love

I am learning how to reinforce my own worth!

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AFFIRMATION

I am getting healthier the more I realize that I don’t have to feel the way I feel and I have the option to feel content and even smile today if I so desire. I will act like I want.  I will  smile even though I don’t feel like smiling.

If you have made yourself a martyr to your unappreciative family, remember the principle of partial reinforcement and apply it to your family. If you are always at their beck and call trying to meet their every demand, they will not appreciate you, but once they find that they cannot rely on you to meet ther demands, they will appreciate what you do for them.” (7)

RELECTION/CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know that so often those who are codependent and live all the time in everyone else’s feelings need remember that the real maturity and happiness lies in being there for me not for  everyone else. I think that this reflection points out the fact that I need to reinforce my own worth by going to meetings, actively getting involved with my own recovery and putting this recovery over anything or anyone else. If I am going to begin to be a pleasant person, I will want to learn how to be pleasant to myself.

Now is the time and this is the program where I want to detach from other people’s opinions of myself and start to reflect on my own opinions about myself.  When I am depressed, I know that I haven’t been able to get angry, nor able to forgive anyone, much less to forgive myself. I feel totally cheerless. I meet my own demands and continue to work the Steps so as to get in  touch with what I need to do  to reinforce positive concepts that I am forming about myself. I need to get prepared for a new day today.

“We are now on a different basis: the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust God rather than on our finite selves, just to the extent that we do as we think God would have us do., and humbly rely on him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity.” (As Bill sees it, p.265).

MEDIATION

When we gradually work our way to our real self we get closer to the God who made us.

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of the 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed  Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 14, 15.

 

Fellowship, Purpose, Spirituality, The 12 Steps

You see yourself as a healer instead of victim!

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“The Twelve Steps work for those who work the program and who try to live one day at a time. Many times we have been so scared of being  rejected that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt.   We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives were jinxed. But now we can begin to feel hopeful when other members of the group shake their heads in knowing approval of what we are saying when we tell our story. Most have been where we have been where  and we are now. And the more we make an effort to come to meetings  regularly, the more we will find members of the group telling us how they are seeing a change in the way we act, talk, and look. We will accept the group’s comments as being true and honestly expressed. These people speak our language and they all have been wher e we are now. You gradually begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim the more you work this program and get excited about the possibility of helping others. When you start reaching out  to others in the group, it is at this point that you are carrying the message of hope to others. You have a future with Depressed  Anonymous. ”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 105.