Category Archives: Acceptance

Am I a people pleaser?

May 15, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Am I a people pleaser? What would happen if we didn’t please them? Let’s take a look in our Depressed Anonymous Workbook and see what it suggests as an answer.

Has depression distorted us from the truth of life, namely, that life is to be lived with hope and serenity. Nursing along a good habit can in time wean us from old and debilitating habits of thought and behavior. We want to daily fill our day with the gratitude that we are indeed getting better and that the trust we have is indeed placed in the Higher Power.

In order for us to escape depression we need to begin to be aware of the process of how people change. That process for change is of the nature of a spiral instead of a straight line. In other words, now that we are willing to risk feeling differently we have been gearing up to improve our situation. In other words, we are making a very important decision right now about our lives.

Tomorrow we will see how changes are made, and a process that will make this happen. In time we will discover that making any decision in our lives , is doing something that we have never done before, like breaking our habit of trying to please people. There is always a risk. It feels very uncomfortable changing a behavior that we have always done before. But, there is a way to change. The support that you need is to be found here in the Depressed Anonymous online groups, the Home Study Program, and F2F meetings.

Choose support – not isolation, especially now when we all need someone to talk with, helping us get through these tough times. You will be happy that you did. Find help, love and acceptance. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

– Hugh

Resource

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, © Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville KY. (Page 41. Fourth Step Question 4.51.)

You can download this Workbook for $1.00 at https://www.depressedanon.com. (Visit the Store). The Basic Text is also $1.00. Get moving forward in hope and serenity – and fellowship worldwide.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Faith

Isolation and Covid-19 – We Offer Skype meetings – Check Our Past Posts On The Blog Here For More Info

May 3, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

NOTICE: Whenever a blog post mentions an online meeting be sure to consult the page Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings for the most up to date and correct information. If the blog post is more than a few days old there is a chance it could be incorrect.

Updated 29 Dec 2020: The US based ZOOM meetings are no longer being held.

In our basic text, Depressed Anonymous, one of the words that show up most frequently are the words, Isolation, trust and surrender. It is not surprising that the word isolation is at the top of the list. Isolation is one of those behaviors that can keep us in depression, alone, and deepening a mood of feeling hopeless.

With the corona virus causing death, terror among all people of the earth, it has also forced us to quarantine ourselves from everyone else. Our isolation, in this case, can save our life and keep us from getting infected and suffer a painful death.

Let’s say I am depressed already and isolating because of my need to withdraw from, family and friends and suffer with my pain alone. What do I do now? Who and what can help me? I am feeling desperate. I used to go to the market, the park and at least get out of my apartment. I could feel part of the world and the life around me. At least I had the knowledge that I could go out and be with others, without having to talk or even say hello. Now I feel like I’m all alone on a deserted island.

If you are depressed and reading this now, you can find help online at the Depressed Anonymous website www.depressedanon.com. There are also daily meetings of the group International Online Depressed Anonymous which hosts the meeting via SKYPE meeting at 12:30 pm (EST).

We hope that you can take advantage of these peer led 12 step meetings. I recommend them to you. Please come and join our fellowship. We are people with hope.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

For the fellowship.

Acceptance

Now that I have admitted to myself and to others that my life is out of control…

February 4, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I’ve admitted that my life is unmanageable because of my depression. My fears and anxiety have taken over my life. The admitting for me was the hard part. I then made a decision to walk through the door that led me into my first 12 step meeting. I had to surrender and I told myself “OK. Here goes nothing.” Actually, to my surprise, my life has never been the same since then.

I discovered that the reason I have been depressed so long is not as important as the fact that I admitted that I was depressed.

Once I feel safe to say that I am depressed or that I have been depressed most of my life, this is the beginning of freedom for me. The depression mutual – aid groups are making it Ok to say ” I am depressed.” Most people now recognize that depression is a way that we have constructed our world in which we can survive. To admit that we are depressed is really half the battle. Once I began to take charge of my life and choose to recover from this emotional sadness, I am able to get my life back.

This is the first step toward recovering from my attachment to sadness: namely, admitting through no fault of my own that I have spent many a year of my life avoiding life. I have closeted myself up in the cocoon of isolation. Now I know that I have work to do and, like others before me, I am finding a brand new life opening up for me day after day.

MEDITATION

We now know that God knows all about us and our situation. We cannot hide from God as did Adam in the garden of Eden. Adam’s nakedness became his shame before God. Being vulnerable is to be naked to the threatening gaze of strangers. By sharing the shame of ourselves with others like our self we will gradually and in time, deliver ourselves from the threatening situation. Our dependence on our Higher Power or God as we understand God will get us through today. God can do the same for you!

RESOURCE

(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. February 4th, Page 22. (Your personal comments welcome.)

Acceptance, Affirmations, Fellowship

After 14 years, I have hope!

January 7, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I had always known that I was hard on myself. I reamed myself out every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden, it made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing. So, if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I’ll have to feel positive.

Of course, I’m still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope. It’s not hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive everyday and that’s what I’m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know.”

Acceptance, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

Walk day by day In the path of spiritual progress – if you persist remarkable things will happen

December 29, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“Being depressed means feeling disconnected, isolated and separated. Truly, depression or melancholia is the illness of our modern society. Our desire to isolate ourselves from everyone and everything when we are depressing ourselves, isolates us from ourselves as well.

To recognize how it feels to be depressed, more people will be able to tolerate and unfetter themselves from their own depression. Lives will be saved as well.

People describe their experience of depression as being in some kind of prison. One man said that he was in a pit where the walls were of soft clay. One woman said that she was in a brick maze where there was no exit and the walls were closing in on her. “I’m in an infinite desert” said one man, “the bars are thick and a lone scrawny tree.” “I’m in a cage” said one woman, “the bars are thick and black and there is no door.” In side this prison the person has intense feelings of self-hatred..

Frequently, depressed persons imagine that they are going crazy, are crazy, or being afflicted with some mental illness.

One of the beautiful things about a Depressed Anonymous group is that everyone has the same symptoms, feels the same pain and is relieved that they are not the only ones in the world with this experience. They don’t have to go it alone. They also don’t hear people saying: “Snap out of it,”

The following provides a guide for those of you who are attempting to see whether you are depressed or not. If you feel that you have a good number of these situations going on in your life at the same time and for a number of weeks, your melancholia might be indicating that you need to get in touch with persons like yourself by the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous.

Do I have some or all of the symptoms of depression?

+Wanting to isolate and be alone.

+Changes in appetite.

+Shifts in sleeping patterns (too much/not enough sleep).

+Waking up early in the morning.

+Fatigability or lack of energy.

+Agitation or increased activity.

+Loss of interest in daily activities and/or decreased sex drive.

+Feeling of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt or self-reproach and possible thoughts about killing myself.

+Weeping/Not being able to cry.

+Lapses of memory.

+Hard time making decisions.

Fear of losing one’s mind.

+Reluctance to take risks.

+Difficulty in smiling or laughing.

IMPORTANT NOTE: All the symptoms listed above don’t necessarily include all symptoms, but enough of them, together, point to a serious response needed from an individual to seek help. also believe that my own serenity is constantly being assaulted during the day by all sorts of problems and situations that cry out for my immediate care and attention.

The Fourth of the Promises of Depressed Anonymous, tell us how we will be able to “comprehend the word Serenity and we will know peace of mind.”

Agitation, anxiety and jitteriness were all part of my life as I muddled my way through -day after day, one foot in front of the other. Serenity was not a part of my life.

As with my attachment to negative behavior, serenity and peace were the furthest thing from my mind. The new beliefs and thoughts which I had expressed at Depressed Anonymous meetings started to help me change the ay I thought about myself, my world and my future.

I believe that it takes time, work and prayer, and sometimes with medication to achieve the peace and serenity that we are talking about here.

Peace of mind is the result of:

A clear conscience

Living in the present

Gratitude everyday

Belief that the God of my understanding will get me through the problems of my life

Forgiveness of myself and amends to all persons I have harmed

Hope

Doing God’s will. Neither grasping but letting go

As Bill W., co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us in the AA Big BOOK,

“Both you and the new man must walk day by day, in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist –remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances.”

RESOURCES FOR HELP.

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 166-167.

Copyright(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky. Pages 9-10.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Journaling, Purpose, Spirituality, The 12 Steps

I can’t do anything to remove my compulsive behavior until I choose to live without it!

December 14, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

REFLECTION

I know that I have to continue to work on myself and the way that I speak to myself on an ongoing and daily basis. My letting go and let God take over my life doesn’t mean that I’ll just sit back and let God do all the work. No, it means that I will work on myself and leave the outcome up to my Higher Power. I know that my life can be lived differently if I make the effort to choose to become conscious of the thoughts that I let myself ruminate and think about during my day. The more I monitor my thoughts, the more I am able to filter out the negative thoughts and have them replaced with positive and constructive thoughts.

So often, when I am depressed I continue a thinking style that was learned as a small child. I am not even counscious as to how I would always select the negative attribute about myself to reflect upon, instead of thinking positive and hopeful thoughts about myself and my relationships. The more I believe that I have a choice as to how I am to feel, the more I become conscious of the thoughts that influence the way I feel.

BECOMING MINDFUL

God, let me just for today, dwell on your mercy and kindness that you desire to bestow on us. We pray that our awareness of your love for us will free us from our sadness.

Resources:

(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY December 14th.

Put a HIGHER THOUGHT in your life every day. A spiritual vitamin will increase your spiritual metabolism so that you begin to replace negative thinking with thoughts of hope and serenity.

You may order online from the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at www.depressedanon.com

Acceptance, DA Literature, Fellowship, Kindness, The 12 Steps

A secure base providing recovery: Depressed Anonymous.

December 6, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

One of the areas of my life, when I was depressed, was to begin looking for that personal and secure base providing me with hope and resources for a complete recovery. My first attempt at finding this refuge and secure base was preceded by a search for answers. Why was mind always distracted? Why couldn’t I remember anything? I would read a paragraph and within no time I couldn’t remember a word of what I had just read. I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I was always tired and just wanted to sleep. Coming home after working all day I would hit the sack. My mind was like in a dense fog. I felt like I was driving a car at night with my headlights on off. I was lucky just to be able to get to work. For me it was do or die. No job -no Master’s degree. My job paid for my education. It was that simple.

What can I do? What is wrong with me? I have never in my life felt so filled with anxiousness. Constant jitters. I even began feeling tremors in my hands. That is when I got worried. I didn’t have a doctor to consult. Since I lived back in the “stone age” there was no Internet. So, here is what I did. I forced myself out of bed every morning and I started to walk. I went to a mall located where I lived and walked. I mean I walked miles around that store. Early morning walkers, like myself, were allowed to walk before the store opened. I can relate to Forrest Gump in the movies. It was boring but I did manage to do it for over a year. And then it happened.

A feeling of lightness came over me. Wow! I almost wanted to shout with joy. That horrible jitteriness stopped for a moment. I felt a cheerfulness that I thought would never come back. My mind was clear. Momentarily I began reflecting that something good had just happened. And then the words, flashing across my mental screen, began spelling out the words, It won’t last!”

And just as quick as the words flashed in my mind, with it’s lifting mood, it too disappeared. I retuned downcast to my walking. And then slowly everything started to feel different for me. My mind cleared, my mood spiraled upwards and I began to feel like my old self–now, a renewed guy with a deep gratitude that all my walking paid off. I gradually began to see everything coming back into place. Whatever it was (it was only later that I could put a label on my experience and call it what it was, depression.)

Eventually, I designed a pilot project at my university using the 12 spiritual principles of Alcoholics Anonymous to determine if those depressed persons gathered in the program would respond to the power of the Steps. The Steps continue to help the alcoholic to recover from alcoholism. Now we learned that the 12 Step discussion groups, would also help others make progress, like our depressed participants in the study, as their moods lightened over the 10 week pilot discussion period. Today, the group that we call Depressed Anonymous is spreading worldwide and its Big Book (Depressed Anonymous) is now translated into Spanish, Dutch, Russian, Farsi and English.

If you are looking for a secure base, that is a group, where everyone speaks your language of depression, and where you can be accepted and introduced to a program of recovery that promises healing and a brand new start in life.

RESOURCES

You can check out our literature at The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at www.depressedanon.com. You may also order books online.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Egoism, Fellowship, Hope

I have a program that works!

December 4, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I am learning today how to think in more positive terms about myself.

“Once we admit that our depressed thinking is what conditions us to see our world as a hopeless place to live, the more we will try to change the way we think.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

When I was able to admit that I have need of improvement for some area of my life, things begin to happen. I believe that now I have a program in front of me that can help me to feel better, the more I use it on a daily basis. As one member of the Twelve Step group, Depressed Anonymous points out, “I had to go and open that door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life.” Now that we admit we need help, help is on the way.”

It is always difficult to change. Millions of others are leading lives of peace, sobriety and hope as they place their trust in their Higher Power and commit themselves to learning how to get better. They are learning that by having faith in God, themselves and the fellowship of the group, life does indeed get better. I am going to get better, the more I work and live the Twelve Steps.

MEDITATION

O God, we know that our hope in you will make it possible for us to find hope in our lives every day. That’s a Promise.

RESOURCE

(c)Higher Thoughts for down days. DAP. December 4th, Pages 198-199.

Ordering Online is possible from this website @ The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore.

Acceptance, Choice, Fellowship, Higher Power, Mindfulness

There is hope for you now

May 21, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

“One of the most important things to remember in the midst of depression is that it won’t last forever, that there is hope for you to begin to feel better. We won’t tell you to SNAP OUT OF IT (who have never experienced depression) like other folks, because we are not turning something on and off like a water faucet. Just as it took years to get where you are now, it takes time to get better and air out your sad thoughts as well.” D. Rowe

I know that in our program of recovery we try and live one day at a time. This is not easy for someone who usually wants to know the outcome for something that might happen ten years from now, not to mention the need to try and make right something not done properly ten years from our past. When I work my program I want to work on myself, finding serenity in knowing that in time and with patient work I can begin to feel better. There are just too many success stories of how people get better when they work their Twelve Step recovery program.

Forever is a word that hardly is heard in a Depressed Anonymous meeting. I intend to try and live just for today. I accept that I am depressed but that I do have a choice to find my way out of this sadness. I also believe that it is irrational to think that this sadness can last forever. The more I change the way I think and behave the more positive will my attitude be about my recovery.

MEDITATION

Our Higher Power, or our God as we understand God, is guiding and leading us toward a life free from sadness. We intend to place more of our trust in its hands. (Personal comments).

RESOURCES

(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step Fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Note. To discover more literature about depression and recovery please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at VISIT THE STORE. All literature can be ordered online.

Acceptance, Faith, Focus

When the student is ready the teacher arrives

May 18, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

My shame of not being in control of my life has paradoxically placed me in more of a state of powerlessness, feeling hopeless and helpless.

“…that’s the way it is with depression –over the years you get comfortable with being miserable, which doesn’t mean you like it, but that you’re just too afraid to risk feeling different.

Now that I have admitted I am having a difficult time living, I wanting to learn some new avenues that will make my life more enjoyable and more livable.

I know now that at this point that I think my life is at its lowest point – that is when this program of recovery came into my life. I believe with the Psalmist that who said that we need to commit ourselves to God, trust in God, and that the God of my understanding will act in my behalf.

When I learn to let go of all those persons, mental images, past hurtful situations and memories, the better I am able to let God control my life. I find this “letting go” a fearsome project. I nevertheless find that I must do it– if I want to find hope .

Some of the major ways people help build the walls of their depression are to consider themselves worthless. They won’t allow themselves to get angry. They can’t forgive themselves or others, and they believe that life is hard and death is worse. Also, they believe that since bad things happened to them in the past bad things are bound to happen to them in the future.”

Resources:

(C)) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 7.

See the Home Study project for more information for working with another for one’s recovery.

We believe that what we think, what we say, and what we do impact our depression. We believe that depression can be managed by applying the principles of the 12 Steps. All are welcome!

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We believe that what we think, what we say, and what we do impact our depression. We believe that depression can be managed by applying the principles of the 12 Steps. All are welcome!