Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Hope, Journaling, Love, The 12 Steps

Being depressed means isolation

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How do I know if I’m depressed?

“Being depressed means isolation – and being cut off from everybody and everything.  It is like being in prison, like a pit where the walls are like soft clay and I cannot climb out. To me the isolation is pre-hell and often I feel so dead inside.  There is an awful feeling, that hole in my soul which is like a clenched fist.   I don’t know where to turn with all the pain and hurt. I can’t imagine anyone hurts the way I do and I hope no one does. I would never want to inflict this pain on anyone, so I tried to hold it inside and it seems like it’s too much to bear, especially alone. This is where Depressed Anonymous comes in – this is where powerlessness and God come in. There was no one to help, even to try to understand before Depressed Anonymous. No one wanted my pain  and others started  to avoid me.  I understand better now, especially since I’ve been around Depressed Anonymous via Hugh and the book Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition and the journaling I’ve done. My hope is that I will be more at peace and will try to use the  specific tools which continue to be  great helps in overcoming depression while  giving me  hope —  just for today.”

Source:  Mary C, Sterling Heights, Michigan.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Visit the Store for more information on Depression and the use of the 12 Steps.

DA Literature, Fellowship, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Mindfulness

Today I want to keep the focus on myself

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AFFIRMATION

Today, I’m going to keep the focus on myself and I aim to take responsibility for myself.

“… There is one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others.  You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. That’s why you always expect the worst.”

REFLECTION

It is when I no longer blame others for my problems that I begin to see that how I turn out is ultimately up to me. My happiness or unhappiness depends on the choices that I make. No one needs to feel sorry for me any longer because I am depressed. I know that I am responsible for me and that I have made the decision to get myself undepressed and to stay undepressed.

It’s most difficult to make decisions when I have hardly the energy to get out of bed in the morning. It’s always difficult to choose one way or the   other because in the past, most of my decisions have usually resulted in failure. Today and everyday I will make the decisions to learn all I can about the various ways that I use the 12 step tools of recovery  to release myself from my hopelessness.

MEDITATION

We now have hope that our expectations will come true for ourselves as we begin   to take responsibility for ourselves.

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Source: Copyright (C) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 64.

HIGHER THOUGHTS IS AVAILABLE ON THE KINDLE  eREADER.

Visit the store for more information on Depressed Anonymous literature.

Mindfulness

Today is all that I have

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Being mindful and being present  in the moment is a real discipline that is hard to acquire. Most times we are thinking about yesterday or we are thinking about tomorrow.  It is very difficult  to stay in the present and to be aware and mindful of our environment, our feelings and what is right in front of us.

That is why saying the Serenity Prayer is so important  for each of us in recovery.  We are  to be mindful of the possibilities and the potential of how we can change.  At one time we felt this  was an impossible task.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I think with the reality of depression engulfing and imprisoning our thoughts day after day, we believed that there was no way out. That is why I have always maintained that to leave  the prison of depression takes time, work and I might add, discipline.  I would also like to add another point, that in the midst of all of this, we definitely  need to choose  to be positive,  as much is this is possible,  and to find ways to overcome  the debilitating experience of depression.

What I’m talking about here is how we need to take responsibility for our present situation  and get busy looking at the various avenues that may provide us healing.

Many times people depressed because of the intolerable pain that accompanies the sadness look for the easier and more comfortable way to escape.  I think we all know what those ways end up being. Most of the time, at least in the beginning of my depression experience, I tried to think my way out the box that I was in. Of course, this is like the dog chasing its tail. I always ended up at the same place at where I started.

For me, knowing that it was either do or die, stay depressed or get better. So, I made a decision  to get better. And after a year and a half of taking responsibility for my physical  and mental health, I gradually walked out of the fog which   made my life miserable, and that  coupled  with the false belief   that I would never get better.

By being mindful of the continued possibility that I just might get better, I found this to be  validated by people that I came to know  as members of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. It was at every meeting  where I heard positive,  constructive, and hopeful stories from folks who had  gradually worked themselves out  of the prison of depression.  Granted,  sometimes, we heard stories from those who are new to our program, who had been shamed by family members, friends who told them  that it was all in their head –  namely, blaming them for not being able to quote “snap out of”  the mental paralysis that had them by the throat. It’s like  people were telling them  that all they had to do was to think positive thoughts, or say a prayer, and presto! the debilitating pain would disappear.  Instead of saying things to support the depressed person, the depressed person was stigmatized  for being depressed. It was almost like they were saying we like being depressed. It was like saying we were lazy and  that’s why we were depressed. Most people never have a clue what we go through–or go through when depressed.

Finally, that is why a group such as Depressed Anonymous is such a viable fellowship  where folks  can  come  and learn   how to use the tools for escaping the life-threatening reality  called depression.  Actually,  Depressed Anonymous, is a peer to peer group of people  who all share in the pain of depression  as well as   use the tools to work themselves out of the problem.  We are no longer alone. We are given the pathways on how to find serenity,  hope and fellowship. We all know how isolating ourselves from others turns out to be one of the major causes  of deepening  the pain of depression and for some  to take their own lives.

If you are looking for a solution for your life and a way of out of depression you need to take a look at what we have to offer. We offer hope and a step by step program of recovery. ..plus what is most need, a fellowship where folks like you and me no longer are alone.

Depressed Anonymous has produced a book where our recovery program is outlined step by step for climbing out of the  prison of depression. Please Visit the Store here at our site for  information about literature offered. One can order online.

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.

 

 

 

The Promises

I am learning how to walk again

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It has been a while. It’s good to get back   here and continue  discussing some of the issues facing myself and my recovery from pneumonia.     The main reason I’ve not written these past weeks  is because I was in the hospital with a serious pneumonia.  Finally, I was released on this past Tuesday, and was able to return home. Because I was in the hospital nine days my ability to walk was challenged.    It’s like I had to learn how to walk all over again. So now, today, I am gradually feeling better and feeling more strength come back to my legs.

I had a  lot of time to think, laying in bed  and waiting for the next shot,  blood being drawn, temperature taken, plus  anything else that they could think to do to me. It took a week of tests  to determine that not only were my lungs severely  affected but the fact that my heart was severely affected as well.  I think they call it erratic heartbeat. So now I came home with medicine that will help remedy the situation of the erratic heartbeat and having the lungs work the way they should.   Now I can go back to work and try to lead a normal life again.

Over all, I realized in a new way the brevity of life and how much little time   we have on this earth.  So, I am thankful and grateful that I can continue my work supporting people who are depressed, suicidal and  looking for hope. By the fact that I’ve been there many years ago, that is, depressed, I feel I have something important to give to you. And what I have to give  to you is hope. Not a false hope. Not empty promises contrived and meaningless. But hope that gives life and a positive stamp on all that you are. We are more than our experience of depression.    I want to give to you  the legs that will help you walk  along this road,  and show others how you got where you are today.

When I first admitted to others and myself back in 1985 that my life was out of control so that I felt hollow and empty inside.   I could see that there were no purpose in my life and all that I needed to do was to get up off the ground , dust myself off and began to walk. I  began to walk with others like me who needed not only fellowship but who also needed a spiritual belief which they could put their trust in. They wanted  a God that would help them– not judge them but would support them in learning how to walk again. I call this fellowship Depressed Anonymous, a mutual aid group  using the 12 step program of recovery. A program that leads us   step-by-step in a new way of living and a new way walking. We are walking with  purpose. We are walking with direction. And we all are walking with the hand of God on our shoulders. You too can walk. You can walk out of your depression. It’ll take time and work. But just like   now,  my legs inactive for more than a week,   the leg muscles   atrophied and weakened me. This is somewhat  an  example  of  what happens to us  when we are depressed. Many of us cannot  get out of bed in the morning.  Our sadness has immobilized us. It has taken away our motivation to walk.   Today, now we have a way to walk.  A new and hopeful way of looking at ourselves.

If you want to  learn more about our way of walking  with others and so  gain support and aid from others — then you might want to look at our menu on our website here  and  read some of our blogs. You might also want to get to know more about who we are what we do. In fact,  you might also  look at some of our literature that give details about others   like ourselves who are bedridden, and were  unable to walk. Now they are walking. We are walking with hope and that passionate focus on staying upright and moving forward.

I just want to say thank you for reading this is short account of my journey in  life where  I learned how to walk again. So pray for me as I pray for you, and maybe  we will have our paths cross and we will together  be able to continue to support each other with our  thoughts, love and prayers. Please come back again,  and join us at this place.  We want to hear from you and how you too want to learn how to walk using the 12 steps or recovery. We are with you!

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SOURCE:  (c)  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Courage

The courage to live

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DEPRESSION AND SECURITY

“Being depressed is a state of great security. Jackie said, ” I go very quiet. I don’t want to know anybody. Very angry. I get very hurtful, not intentional hurt.  But that’s the only way I can get through to people, so they don’t get any closer. If I hurt them, they’ll stay away and therefore I can be on my own  in this depression, and hide behind the mask and just solely by hurting people, being quiet, feeling angry  inside and putting the barrier up, that’s how I could keep people away, which I feel helps me in  the state of depression… I used to feel safe within the blackness. A fear of being with people. Being really frightened  of everything and everybody around you. It’s just so painful. You feel drained of everything. Hiding behind the mask is putting yourself away from the outside world, the world you were frightened of stepping into, the people still seeing you with that smile, the joking, laughing, and that is where the mask comes on.  Behind that mask, I am suffering hurt, pain, rejection, helplessness, but behind the mask and shutting myself within four walls I feel secure, because none of the outside world can come in unless I let them hurt me.

Because depression gives a feeling of security, the depressed person can feel very much in control. (We are always capable  of  being two contrary things at once.  Depression is always a state of complete helplessness and complete control.)  A depressed person can take great pride in being in control. ”

SOURCE:

COPYRIGHT(c) Beyond Fear. Dr. Dorothy Rowe, Fontana, London, 1987, PP. 307 – 308.

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      Remember this…

NOT EVERYTHING FACED CAN BE CHANGED, BUT

NOTHING CAN  BE CHANGED UNTIL IT IS FACED!

12 Step Meeting, Purpose

Our feelings come about due to how we think of things

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Happiness is an elusive feeling – and for each of us happiness can mean something very different. When I say to myself “life doesn’t get any better than this,” then I know that life is indeed good and that all is well with my soul.

What can keep us in the prison of depression is a construction that we place on events and situations that occur in our world.

To be free means  to act with a degree of spontaneity. This after all, is the opposite of depression. Events of themselves are not the cause for depression – similar events are in the lives of many folks  but there are some folks that don’t experience depression because of them. So, it must be the way we think about these events and the meanings that we place on the situation. Our lives and the way we look at life is composed of past and present events. Our past life is a way we predict the future. “Since bad things have happened to me in the past – bad things are bound to happen to me in the future.” How true this is.  Our  prison is composed of blocks of times and situations which at one time were fluid – like a river moving. Since these events affect our sense of self – we caused the river to stop flowing – and instead our painful thoughts and feelings – are the blocks that make up the walls of our personal prison. We need to restore the fluidity the of our lives. Once when our self has been restored – namely our spontaneity,  we will experience freedom and happiness. By having that spiritual experience and being an active member of  the fellowship  of Depressed Anonymous is what can restore us to sanity. Happiness comes from finding loving support, and acceptance.”

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SOURCES:  (C)   The Promises. (2002). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville.

(C)The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, 2nd edition. (2002)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Fellowship, Purpose, Spirituality

Admitting that we are in pain is the start of freedom!

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  THE PROMISES OF DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS.

PROMISE #1. We believe that once we have diligently and with rigorous personal honesty managed to complete the first nine steps of our program – good things can begin to happen in our life. It is after we have made amends to those whom we had harmed, swept the porch in front of our own house, and go to step ten and complete the remainder of the steps, we will be amazed at the peace that is become a part of our life.

The pain that we experience now – and working our program step-by-step is indeed slight – compared to the pain that may continue if we don’t bite the bullet and look at the issues that have trapped us these many years.

Working the 12 steps is like the person who heads toward  the light at the end of the tunnel. The closer one gets to the light – the more one discovers a way out. The light in this case is symbolized by the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous. The expression of light, health and recovery of its members helps each of us to stay focused on recovery. Work is to be done if we are to find not only the light  – but a life free from the symptoms of depression.

Change is painful.  The first step is for the beginning of the end of our pain.  By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins a release of our pain. This is the paradox of letting go and holding on as we learn from step three. What we hold onto holds on to us. What we seek – seeks us.

It is difficult for any of us to admit that our lives are out of control.

People sometimes speak of their depression as a comfort. I can identify with that, because if they were to change for anything else, they might end up with something far worse than what they have now. They feel that they might end up the hole in the doughnut. This pain of depression begins to dissolve as a result of doing something we’ve never done before – or rather doing something about our lives that we have not done before. It happens to be true that the more we get in touch with and remove our resentments, fear, guilt, and self-pity from our lives, the lighter we feel emotionally. The less need we have   to rely on defense mechanisms which shielded our fragile egos from pain,  hurt or remorse, the freer we become.

I do believe that the pain of our depression originates from inside ourselves. We construct present-day reality based on past life experiences. The past is a predictor of the future.  As it says in Depressed Anonymous, many of us held the absolute belief that “since bad things have happened to us in the past, bad things will happen to us in the future. In other words – we have made up her mind – nothing will ever change. And of course this belief is what promotes and keeps our depression  alive.”

The opposite of depression is spontaneity and vitality. When we are depressed we move about as in a fog.  we are stuck.  Since we desire everything to remain the same, that is, predictable, we in no way believe that life can be different. If we intend to stay suck, we make the decision, choose to stay in the rut of being  lifeless, hapless and helpless.

As we change old beliefs into new ones we believe that things can change as things begin to change.  We will begin to experience light, hope  and joy.   ”

In every   Depressed Anonymous story (See Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition) one’s personal story of recovery  illustrates how pain has been the admission price for the beginning  of a new life without depression and isolation.

.”The God that we know speaks to us through members of the Depressed Anonymous group. The Higher Power will put a new sense of purpose into  your life once you know how to turn  to it and surrender your pain. The Depressed Anonymous group will lead you safely and gently. The miracle is in the group.”

“The starting point is the admission that so far everything we have tried has not worked…”  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. DAP. Louisville. DA/P.39.

“… Life doesn’t have to be lived alone in agony or misery.” DA/.41.

 

Higher Power

We don’t even know what normal ” feels” like.

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We will learn that there is a God who is supposed to love us and take care of us, but we are afraid to let go of who we believe we are, or what we feel we have to be. Trust is something that we have given up a long time ago. Trust is hard for us, especially when we feel that life, people and our circumstances have completely let us down. For so long now unpleasant feelings have led us to believe that we have no right to happiness, now or in the future. We have grown up with a sense of suspicion of those around us who appear happy and satisfied with life.  Instead we find it safer to back away from too much involvement with other people, because they would see how bad we really are if they got to know us and then our secret would be out. We don’t ever know what “normal”  feels like, because we constantly feel so hollow and empty inside.”

Sources: I’ll do it when I feel better. (1986, 2013) Depressed anonymous publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous, 2nd edition.  (1998, 2008) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Hope

Hope is Something more, Someone more, so keep going!

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In Man’s  Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl describes  how hope is a key to survival and the heart amid the horrors of a concentration camp. The prisoner who was able to find meeting – in nature, in the memory of a loved one, and a generous act – would more likely not to give up. When we hope, in whatever circumstance, the future we long for comes closer, an experience of mind and heart that sustains us now and impels us forward.

Thomas Aquinas named hope as a theological virtue. It is a gift from God that we receive now, fueling our journey to a fuller union with God. Hope is the way God encourages us. It stirs up memory of God’s abiding faithfulness. Hope expands our vision beyond the immediate horizon. It breaks open our heart to dispel fear. It stokes our imagination to realize unexpected opportunities. Hope whispers, or shouts, when we need it “There is Something more, or Someone more, so keep going!”

Hope is not sentimental optimism. Optimists to easily escape reality, denying challenges in making promises that the are hard to keep. When we hope, we face reality because God is found in what is real. We know that things  may not turn out as we want, but we strive  valiantly nonetheless.  God is faithful, we insist, so there is meaning even in the toughest and most unexpected circumstances.

When we hope, we live generously and gratefully in the present because deep down we know that all will be well – not perfect, but well. With every word or deed steeped in  hope, the future opens up to reveal a present beyond our imagining. ”

Source:  Fr. Kevin O’Brien

The Ignatian  Adventure: Experiencing  the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius in Daily Life.

 

Kevin O’Brien, SJ, is Dean of this Jesuit school of theology of Santa Clara University he is author of the nation adventure: experiencing the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius and daily life.

 

12 Step Meeting, Belief, Depressed Anonymous, Fear, Mindfulness, The 12 Steps

Unpleasant Emotions Such As Fear, Anger, Resentments And Tension Work Against Recovery

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”  I don’t believe that you can  snap out of your depression, or suddenly and dramatically get your life turned around by going to one Depressed Anonymous meeting, or reading the 12 Steps five times hour. It just doesn’t happen that way, especially if you have lived with your depression for any length of time.  Even though we emphasize that your depression is not a disease, we do want you to know that a depression over a long time could cause physical problems and upset the metabolism of the human organism… unpleasant emotions such as fear, anger, resentment, tension and depression work against recovery.

Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 31.