Avoidance, Belief, Fellowship, Isolation, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid

Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection

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“…Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection, not only between people, and between mind and heart, but between one’s self image and public mask, writes Parker J. Palmer in  Let you life speak.

“Then”, he continues, “there were the visitors who began by saying “I know exactly how you feel…”  Whatever comfort or counsel these people may have intended to speak, I heard nothing beyond their opening words, because I know they were peddling a falsehood: no one can fully experience another personal mystery.  Paradoxically, it was my friends emphatic attempt to identify with me that made me feel even more isolated, because it was  over identification.  Disconnection may be hell, but it is better than false connections.

Having not only been “comforted” by friends but having tried to comfort others in the same way, I think I understand what the syndrome is about: avoidance and denial.  One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another’s pain without trying to fix it, to simply stand respectfully at the ends of  the person’s mystery.  Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which  is exactly how a depressed person feels – and our unconscious need as Job comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us.”——————————————————-

Comment.  It is extremely important for others to understand that not only is the person depressed feeling useless and powerless, so to is the person who is in the company of the person depressed. It is not hard to understand that this is exactly what happens with all of us when we cannot “‘fix” someone who we know needs help.  Our statements of the false disconnection type, do not build bridges between peoples, but widens the gap between them and us. I know and believe that it is the person who is present to us, as Parker points out, that is standing by, on the outskirts of an understanding  of our pain, and who  continues  to be there without a ” toolkit” to “fix” us.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fear, Fellowship, Journaling, Step 04, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Stepping Up To Hope

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In Depressed Anonymous I have heard members of the group say what works for them is not to fight depression but instead do the dead man’s float — just let go and feel the sadness –don’t run away from it with lots of activity and doing — this can lead to mania — instead, admit our sadness, our despondency and face the feeling.
Don’t fight it and push it down but DISCUSS it –talk about it and see it for what it is. Since depression is a dependency issue it is only when we begin to surrender to the Higher Power or God as we understand him that we make it possible to recover from this experience. We choose to live, feel and think differently.
THE ANTIDEPRESSANT TABLET
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This approach to depression really works, as the many testimonies in our “Big Book” Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition illustrate. Yes, we know that running away from any difficulty or problem just digs the hole of our sadness deeper. Once we give up our shame or guilt for being depressed–basically our feelings powerless and being isolated –and start to share our story with others, we find our sense of mastery begins to return as our feelings of uselessness begin to evaporate. How often do members of the group, after coming to the group for some weeks, begin to look different–that is, they seem calmer and their faces become softer. The hardness disappears.
Hugh

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THE DOG WHO LOST HIS BARK

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Every Sunday after Church my wife and I walk home a certain way and pass a house where a dog barks at us. As we walk along the fence line, the dog continues his barking as he follows us til we leave him behind. The fence restrains him from following us further on our path. And, thank goodness, the dog stops his raucus barking.
Now, what is so strange about a dog barking? Well, actually nothing. That’s what dogs do. They bark. My wife and I just expect this dog to bark at us. And because we have to pass this house on the way home, we just know what to expect. The dog goes nuts when he sees us coming!
This past Sunday we again start the ritual, begin to pass the house, and right on schedule here comes the dog. But, he’s not barking. What? He follows us without barking. My wife and I look at each other. We both know that this dog is supposed to be barking. What happened? Amazing things do happen. We are the same people who do this ritual every Sunday. Doesn’t he know what the ritual is. All dogs know that they are supposed to bark. Not only has he lost his bark, he has also lost his identity of the ferocious dog.
I believe there is a metaphor here that we might use for our own purposes. People expect us to behave in predictable ways. People likewise respond to us in particular and familiar ways. But when we no longer respond in a predictable manner, friends wonder, what’s up with him? Who is this person who always was the “glad hand Charley” now has turned into the isolating and reclusive person who no longer wants us around.
We ourselves. myself included, have at a time in my life, lost my bark, so to speak. It was at that time that I retreated from life and took the defense of depression to lick my wounds. I constructed my own prison and lived there for over a year. My mood had become sullen and responsive to all those who wanted to cheer me up. My thinking turned to thoughts like “what is happening to me”, “who am I” “Why am I wearing this mask of Mister Happy Jack, when I am dying inside. I felt I was losing my identity as well as my purpose in life. There was no meaning to my mental, physical and spiritual life.
Today, my life does have purpose, it does have meaning. Because of losing “my bark” so to speak, I found that my life needed a change. And now, here I am trying to help others “get their bark back.” My depression experience changed my life. The “who I am” now is much different than the “who I was” before my emotional, physical and spiritual crash. I sort of hope that dog gets his bark back, because that is who he is.

Hugh

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WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT? WHO IS MY GOD? (Revised)

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I pray everyday that who I am, and what I want is always to be found in doing God’s will—(more about this later)–and by doing that, I gradually through prayer and meditation learn about God’s will for my life. God truly becomes my light and my source of guidance.
A life model that best fits all living organisms in this universe and which all living organisms possess are these five characteristics: identity, autonomy, competency, interrelatedness with other living organisms and the ability to replicate themselves. All living organisms have these common and same universal characteristics.
Why is this relevant now? First of all, we all experience having an identity –that is, we have a genus and are part of a particular species as humans belong to the rational animal species. As a rational organisim we can make rational choices so we are the sub species. Our own name and by belonging to a particular human family gives us an identity.

The next characteristic is that we experience a personal autonomy – – this means that we are a stand-alone being–no batteries needed–we can operate by ourselves–we are not connected to another physically–excepting at birth by an umbilical cord.

The next characteristic is that we all have a certain competency –namely, we are able to think rationally–at least on most days. We all have talents and special gifts. Take our fingerprints for instance — we are so unique that our fingerprints separate us from any other human being in this immense universe. We are the only ones in the universe that have these unique set of prints. The unique and particular swirl of the fingerprint makes us unique and unlike any other rational being.
Competency is a big issue in relationships as to who I am, what I want to do and who my God is. If I feel worthless and valueless, unacceptable to myself and others then of course it follows, that I will not possess any sense of real competencies in my personal life.

The final piece that goes to make up this mosaic of who we are is that all living organisms are related to all other living organisms. We are interconnected with every other living being on this earth and what we do affects other living creatures. Case in point: In our world today with its emphasis on climate change and how everyone is in the same boat we believe that everyone needs to grab an oar and work collaboratively to see how we can all assure our common survival here on this planet earth. Pope Francis recently points out in his letter to all the people of the earth, that we all share a responsibility for our ” common home.”
It is said that if the small plankton at the bottom of the ocean would disappear, then all life that feed on the plankton, and depends on it for its own survival, they would die and the organisims that depended on the next layer of life would then die and so up the chain of living organisms that make up the vibrant life of the sea. Interesting how we all our dependent on the Plankton?
So, to determine who I am, what I want and who is my God is very much dependent on who I say I am, who I think I am with my own identity, autonomy, my own sense of competency and my ability to relate to those in my environment.
Tomorrow we will discuss these five characteristics of interrealtedness of all living organisms and compare them to what is our real self as compared to what we want to be, our ideal self.

SOURCE: Shining a light on the dark night of the soul retreat. (1999) DAP. Louisville. Page 4.

Belief, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Honesty, Purpose, The 12 Steps

The Vital Spiritual Experience

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The Twelve Steps are the essential beliefs and at the very core of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous recovery program, modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous which originally developed to help men and women to deal with their addiction to alcohol, one day at a time.  The Twelve Steps have been found to be a potent means of recovery for those who desire to free themselves from their compulsions. The Twelve Steps are basically a program of letting go of our compulsions and handing our will to the  care of God, as we understand God.  Essentially our program is a step-by-step way to change not only our addiction but also our way of life.  Change happens when we choose to change.  The fellowship of the group and our desiring to make change in our life is what provides our life-giving spiritual experience. Many people get organized religion and spirituality mixed up and Depressed Anonymous achieves strength from a spirituality without set creed, dogma or doctrine.  All the program asks of a person who come to the meetings is only to have a sincere desire to stop the compulsion of sadding themselves… “Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 94.

REVISED POST

Faith, Hope, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Spiritual Heroes, The 12 Steps

When You’re Depressed, All You’re Interested In Is Survival

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How true. I will always remember how I felt when I found myself unable to get up in  the morning. I knew something was different and something was very wrong. I was scared.  I did the only thing that I knew what to do–I got into “fight” mode and forced my unresponsive  body to get into motion. For some strange reason  I found myself in  “survival mode.” I just knew that whatever had me pinned to the floor and motionless I had to do the next right thing. The next right thing was to get out of bed and start walking. I did just that. And from that “survival mode” experience I learned a very important lesson: motivation follows action. In a way I had a faint bit of trust that what I was about to do, would be a factor in my survival;.

As it says in the book I’ll do it when I feel better, that “Trust, always has been a critical element in one’s search for finding one’s true and best self. And with trust comes hope. Hope is the thread which weaves its way throughout the spiritual program of the Twelve Steps.”

    LOST SELVES

“Depression is about lost selves – and the struggle to regain the self. We are in a perpetual lock down! it is indeed a battle with one’s will to survive –that is why Dorothy Rowe calls depression a prison. We build the walls as a defense to keep us safe until we can combat our demons and find which way out is the best.

Over time you and I both have discovered  a truth: trust is never an easy proposition. Trust comes with a belief that all things will work out. But another problem is that so much of our lives negative and harmful life experiences have ben carried through life and so conditioned us to predict that no matter what we say or do we will always be living in the prison of despair.”

And finally I discovered the more I walked, the more bricks that had me imprisoned in despair and fear, I was able to remove.

It was then that I had the energy to pick up my Twelve Step “tool box”  from the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, and to this day continue my life of serenity and hope. Now, learning to be in a “trust mode” has given me freedom to live each new day with hope.

SOURCE: Copyright(c) I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETETR.(2015) DAP. LOUISVILLE.  PAGES 75, 76-77.

Belief, Choice, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power

I CAN FEEL A CHANGE INSIDE OF ME…

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AFFIRMATION

“I am going to handle what has taken a lifetime to develop one day at a time.

“When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God.  Our ideas did not work. But the  God idea did.” (1)

  CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I always doubted the power of God until I started to see and read about other people working their Twelve Step program and getting on to meetings. I also believe that there is surely hope for me as I hear about other depressed persons who are in the fellowship with each other and have a genuine desire to stop  sadding  themselves.  This is all that is needed, a desire to stop sadding  oneself.  I can feel a change inside of me as I begin to rely more on this God who loves me and cares  how I feel. This program of hope works if you work the program.

This is the word that gives hope.  It is a simple reliance, day  by day, hour by  hour, that I will find the serenity, the simplicity of a life lived without the anxiety, hollowness, jitteriness of my depression. It is in  my admission of such that begins me on the road to recovery and hope.

MEDITATION

We trust in our God. We rely on you as we turn as often as we can to be present in your  Presence.  We want to pray unceasingly and learn from you  how to love ourselves.

SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship  groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 150. July 27.

Acceptance, Isolation, Purpose

SINGLE HOUSEHOLDS IN AMERICA INCREASED 10% BETWEEN 1970 AND 2012

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I sometimes believe that the rise in single person households in the USA might either be the cause of a rise in Depression or at least show a correlation between these two  variables. I  believe that our modern culture helps produce the human monad or let’s say, a human nomad,  rootless and alone. As the reality of a person isolated and alone can many times enkindle  a personal sadness and atrophied social skills, we might be able to deduce from this that an  individual could be setting themselves up for episodes of depression. Our modern mass culture, dedicated as it is to being a consumer of things and stuff (cf. George Carlin), and being part of a homogenized society with its focus on appearance, affluence and acceptance (cf. Mary Pifer’s work REVIVING OPHELIA: Teenage girls and depression), we find  the  isolated monad, in a society dominated by the pursuit of wealth, ( most of society struggling to make ends meet, working part time and low wage jobs) so why wouldn’t a person find themselves depressed.

I also think that most of us desire a life with meaning. A life that has purpose bigger than ourselves. But the more walls we butt our heads against, trying to find meaningful work, or any work and just wages, the deeper the pit of our frustration grows

Today in this age of an ever changing technology,  more of us might find ourselves  like the wandering nomad in a desert, no longer provided with guideposts directing us on a way out of our isolation and alienation from ourselves and our society. There is always another NEW and IMPROVED gizmo, for consumers to salivate over, marketed 24/7 on all our electronic devices.  And, not surprisingly, the message is to always have the right appearance so to  fit into all the right social groups; accepted by the all the right cliques  of people;  to live in the right affluent neighborhood (usually always more than our income allows).

Finally, when the bubble of our chase leads to a loss of self, and our bubble of isolation bursts, we either admit we are on the wrong path or we continue to deepen the pit of our own isolation and sadness.  To this end, speaking for myself, we begin the search for the real deal, where people are really themselves, warts and all. We want to  become part of that society (fellowship) larger than ourselves, where we now have a purpose motivated life. We now are neither monad or nomad but part of a group of men and women who live a life filled with hope and serenity. The chase has ended. What do you think?

Hugh

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Isolation

RAY’S TESTIMONY ABOUT THE POWER OF DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS

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” What is the power of Depressed Anonymous?  Well,  first let me say that when I started attending Depressed Anonymous meetings, I went for a couple of months and then stopped.  I stopped going because my depression was so bad that I didn’t want to leave my apartment. I didn’t want to be around or talk to anyone. I just didn’t want to do anything except to crawl in a hole somewhere and isolate myself from everything. Then after about six weeks of isolation, I called the residential treatment facility where I had been a client to see if I had received any mail there and one of the members of the Depressed Anonymous  group where I attend answered the phone. I spent a few minutes talking to her and there was something in her voice that told me that for some reason, it was important for me to be at the meeting. I attended the next Depressed Anonymous meeting. After the meeting was over, I suddenly realized the importance and power of Depressed Anonymous.”

SOURCE:Ray, in his personal testimony on pages 133-134 in  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

We believe that what we think, what we say, and what we do impact our depression. We believe that depression can be managed by applying the principles of the 12 Steps. All are welcome!