Motivation follows action.

As I continued to spiral down into that dark pit of the gloom of despair — an experience  totally foreign to me- – I thought I was going crazy. My mind no longer able to hold on to a single  thought. A memory that was unable to capture and retain material just read. It was as if I had to read a piece repeatedly in order for the mind to capture the essence of what was read.  I began to fight myself in order just to get out of bed in the morning. Saddled with a growing physical fatigue it was a moment looked for just to come home after work and go to bed. And this was at five -thirty in the early evening.

If I was in the company of someone laughing, smiling or just plain happy I just wanted to go up to them and tell them “STOP! What right do you have to be so happy when I feel so miserable?” And with my steps taking me further down into the pit of sadness and isolation it was as if I was in a place where I could just let  life pass me by.

But I couldn’t let life pass me by. I knew that I couldn’t just put a halt to living my life. I had to keep my job. I had to free myself from this prison of sadness. So, I had to try and shake this horrible jittery feeling making my insides feel like a basket filled with spiked bouncing balls. And little did I know what was happening to me. I had no label on which I could attach some meaning to my dreadful experience. I just knew something was out of kilter – big time.

I decided to get moving–just walk. Walk! And walk some more. I felt like Forrest Gump who walked long and hard.  I walked my five miles every day. I walked in the morning forcing myself to get out of bed, even though the mental struggle to stay in the comfort of a soft bed beckoned me like the ‘sirens’ of the ancient world–beckoning those who followed their call–to perish.

When I began to take action and get the body moving it seemed that my mind followed right behind. Move the body and the mind will follow. The more I FORCED myself to walk–day after day-I found that  my motivation improved  and I felt more empowered to keep doing what I was doing, namely, walking. Now don’t get me wrong, just getting out of bed of a morning produced quite a struggle within myself. It was always the same thought that continued to bludgeon me every day: “Oh, I’ll just wait to walk when I feel better.” Folks, I never did feel better.  Whatever you are feeling and when feeling depressed,  get moving. Get into ACTION.  The more you take some physical activity for yourself the more motivation you will accumulate to get yourself undepressed  It worked for me. You do have the key to the prison of depression. Try it and see how it works for you.

Hugh

 3. We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. (Continued)

Many of us have lived with guilt, shame and regret for our past. Until we get down to business–that is, taken a moral inventory (Step Four) did we desire that the God of our understanding help us see what we needed to do to forgive ourselves and get on with our life.

As the Promises state in so simple a manner, this does not mean that “oh well, we made some mistakes so let’s forget about everything that happened in the past  –after all it’s in the past.”  And we can spend a lot of  wasted time wallowing in the self-pity that occupies any addiction. We also might regret all the time that we wasted staring at the blank wall, alone and trying to figure out in the circling of our thoughts the whys of our immobility, passivity and pain.

It is in Steps Four and Five where our past regrets are played out and dealt with. Once we have made a list of  all of our resentments and fears and spoke of them to a trusted  friend (sponsor) we can begin  to find a new freedom.”

Copyright(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 7

HIGHER THOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS

AFFIRMATION

I will to believe today that my Higher Power is going to make a way for me to grow and experience its love in my life.

” We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek him. To us, the realm of the Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive: never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek him. It is open, we believe, to all men and women.” Bill W., Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous

REFLECTION

We have all heard the phrase to “let go and let God.”  I believe that in order for me to begin to feel better, I have to take the First Step and admit that my life is out of control and unmanageable. It is hard to admit that I can’t get rid of this depression on my own, but I believe that there is a way out of this mess. If the Twelve Steps can sober up millions of hard-core and chronic addicts, it surely can make a difference in my life as I try to give my life a jump start with letting God run my life.

I like the work “seek” as it signifies hope and possibilities. You don’t seek unless you have a bit of hope that possibly you might succeed in finding what you are seeking.

 MEDITATION

“Seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened; pray for whatever you want and it will be given to you.”  These words are ancient and they ring true for us who believe in their power. We are learning to trust in God of our understanding as we detect small advances in our lives and doors of hope become open to us. We trust our Higher Power to bestow on us its favor, now that we are moving toward his love and his peace.”

SOURCE:  Copyright(c)Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for 12 Step fellowship groups. (2014) DAP, Louisville, KY Page 185.

“When the old cartographers inscribed,

“There be dragons here.”

Did their wrinkled faces crinkle

Eyes twinkle as they thought of

Sailors calling, “Steer clear, steer clear,

There be dragons here!”

Or were they sure they’d lure

Some brazen tar to dare the bar

And sail a league beyond

Then call to shore, “Steer here, steer here,

There be dragons near! Oh,

We cannot miss the chance, oh, hear!”

These old map makers, did they create

The creatures of the deep for fun

Or know that faith and love can die of fear

And shriveled hope revive its cheer

If voices call into the deep

And so implied with pixie pen,

‘Sail out, sail out, young tads, with

Cheer and call your comrades,

‘Join me here; the map shows clear

That there be dragons near!’ ”

_______________________________________

SOURCE: Sister Clarita Felhoelter,  An Ursuline Sister   In  “Even the stuff of Earth: A collection of Poems.” 1998.

“I know that any addiction and compulsive type of behavior gradually removes you from the regular activities of persons around you, including family, friends, and coworkers, until you are established in the narrow confines of pain and isolation. We are always going to be just little more isolated the more we try to think our addiction through in the circle of our thoughts.”

REFLECTION

I understand how we have become addicted to all those negative thoughts that we have grown accustomed to talking to ourselves about. Today, I have decided that I am willing to let go of these old and counter productive familiar ways of thinking and feeling about myself.  I have begun to think thoughts that have an air of lightness and hope about them. I want to be true to my best self and just believe that today is a better day than was yesterday. I am, today, breaking out of my negative thinking and into the light of new and positive thoughts about myself. The more I feel that my life has purpose and is going somewhere the more hope I begin to feel rise up in my heart. My new activities each day also promote a sense of well being and pleasure in my life..

MEDITATION

God, help us to realize that the best exercise and activity that we can do is to attempt to quiet our restless and wandering mind on your name and pray that you might lead us to think thoughts that are your inspiration and making.”

Copyright(c) HIGHER THOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups.(2014) DAP. Louisville, Ky. September 13. Page 184.