Category Archives: Acceptance

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Compulsion, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, The 12 Steps

Get connected! Learn how to get connected and begin feeling better!!

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#NINE BELIEF

Excerpts from Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) DAP. Louisville. pgs 47-50.

“Withdrawing from friends and other social contacts is the first clue that you are slipping back into the isolation and pain of depression. Move toward a friend,  get a sponsor, and go to a 12 Step meeting. Ask your Higher Power for that  nudge that can guide you into the appropriate path.”

“I know in my heart that when I just sit at home by myself, isolating and ruminating within my head about all the terrible things that have happened to me, or are about to happen, that is when I depress  myself even more. Get connected!”

It’s our addictive thinking, our compulsive way of processing infor- mation, which describes how we habitually store the negative but continue to dump the positive information which continually  24/7 flows into our brain. These negative thoughts and feelings persist in keeping  us falling back into the old habit of staying isolated and avoiding others. We might fool ourselves and say that people have nothing to offer me and that is why I distance myself from everyone. Part of my nature when depressed is to avoid and distance myself from whatever I feel is threatening, like a child afraid of the dark.

We know that depression grows stronger when   isolating ourselves from others.

Dorothy Rowe,  tells us in her award winning book, DEPRESSION: THE WAY OUT OF YOUR PRISON, that

“Seeing yourself as  a basically  good person reduces the need  for other people’s approval. If you see yourself as good, you  can set up a select group of people whose approval you desire and can be indifferent to the opinion of the multitude. But if you see yourself as basically bad then you need everybody’s approval….”

David Karp,   in  SPEAKING OF SADNESS  shares the following thought

” that depression is an illness of isolation, a dis-ease of disconnection. As with much of social life, and consequently with much compelling sociological analysis, it is irony that captures the complexity of things. The irony to be explained in Chapter 2 is that depressed persons greatly desire connection  while they are simultaneously deprived of the ability to realize it. Much of depression’s pain arises out of the recognition that what might make one feel better –human connection–seems impossible in the midst of a paralyzing episode of depression. It is rather like dying from thirst while looking at a glass of water just beyond one’s reach.”

For those who have no Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group to connect with in their own local community, our  Publisher, Depressed Anonymous Publications has made available the HOME SELF STUDY KIT. The HOME  SELF STUDY KIT program of recovery includes both the  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.  These  two excellent guides provide us with a path out of depression.   By  answering the stimulating  questions  as provided by the WORKBOOK, one also is able to discover the nature of depression while learning how to apply the 12 spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous to their own lives.

No longer do we have to be alone or feel disconnected in our depression. We provide the necessary resources to help an individual be connected with a community worldwide  who know what it means to be depressed. You don’t have to be alone any longer!

To see what literature is available from our Publisher,   visit the STORE here at our website  www.depressedanon.com. You can now order online.

Acceptance, Act As If, Belief, Choice

The depression experience is about the way we feel, think and behave

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“When you think of depression do you think of it like it’s one big thing or do you see it   for the many parts that  make up a depression  experience, namely, the way that we think, behave, or feel? In other words, when we make it to be a thing,  it holds power over us – like it came out of the blue – we talk about depression in medical terms – I just had a bout of depression – like it came from outside of us  like an infected germ or virus. In reality, our depression is made up of many parts, such as particular depressed  ways of thinking, behaving and feeling.

Think about the ways that you perceive your depression.  Can you distinguish the various parts that go to form what we call the depression experience?

Which of the following illustrations can you best relate?

 I need to be perfect.

I need to be successful.

I need to please others – always.

I need never to get angry.

I need to have someone in my life before I feel I am somebody.

Please write down  how one or more of the above keep you down, despairing and hopeless. Also write your thoughts  about where you feel these attitudes might be coming from?

SOURCE: The  Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Questions 11.1 to 11.6 inclusive.  Page 80-81.

If you are utilizing the HOME STUDY KIT you can read a corresponding  thought in our manual, Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.  The   DA WORKBOOK  locates this reference in  its format.

 “…   I’ve been good and I’ve tried to be perfect, so why am I so miserable and unhappy ?” The reason that you’re so unhappy is because you’re trying to be perfect, but you never know when you reach perfection as you always have one more line to cross before you become the perfect person that you’re struggling so hard to become. Depression is so often a refuge from having to live out our life. And only when we feel that we can live with a fair degree of unpredictableness  in our life that we move out of  our isolation into the real world. So often our depression hides behind a mask of superficial friendliness – with people never aware of the deep pain that we feel inside.  The risk is in moving out of isolation into contact with other depressed people. We know now that it is in the expression of our feelings that get us free. It is   the telling and the admission of our powerlessness over our depression that makes us move ever so slowly out of the deep pit of darkness and sadness. So often when we are able to make amends, we feel that part of the prison wall begins to crumble and we begin to see the light of day. We discover a way out! We find that our forgiveness of others frees us and brings us one more step into the peace of serenity. Getting free is in saying that we alone are responsible for our compulsive retreat from life when we run up against some stressful situation. And the more we study and hear about the addictive personalities and behavior, the more we learn about ourselves and how we have anaesthetized ourselves against any possible feeling of pain, hurt, or anger by saddening  ourselves and keeping to ourselves.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 85-86.

The HOME STUDY KIT is  a personal study effort (or group) using both the Workbook and the Depressed Anonymous manual. To find out more about the Home Study Kit please VISIT THE STORE.

Acceptance, Choice, Courage

I have to take responsibility for my own life

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The following  excerpt is  about Helen’s  recovery  from depression.  Helen  is   a member of Depressed Anonymous  and her account is one of 31 Personal Stories contained in the Personal  Stories section of Depressed Anonymous.

” You don’t get better overnight but you do get much better. I was as down the muck as far as I could go. I had to go open the door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life. I still have many problems like anyone else, but when I need sleep very badly, I turn the problem over to the Higher Power and go to sleep. I can always pick life up the next morning. Somehow, it all  gets done. Nothing so bad has happened to me. I’ve troubles trying to figure out what I’m exactly supposed to do. I’m sure God points me in the right direction. Sometimes I miss a message, but it will come to me eventually what God wants for me. All you have to do is reach out and get it. My faith is stronger now on God that has ever been in my life because I need that companion in my life. It is there for all of us if we just reach out and take it.

Now that I look back and see the way I was and see how I am now, I can’t believe that I ever knew that other person. This person is different altogether. I like the person now very much. I’m so thankful to the group. They are just wonderful. They are my family. They are my Depressed Anonymous family. Also I have my church family. It is a wonderful feeling to know there is a Higher Power  that  can help you through these things. At first, I thought: ” I doubt the that very much. ”  when everyone was talking about the Higher Power and peace in my life. Then  it  happened to me.  Every few days, the world dumps down on you and beast you down. That’s just life.  I always think to myself that there is that extra strength that I didn’t have before. I feel that everything is going to be OK with me. I have that peace now myself.

It can’t happen overnight. I know what the people who come to Depressed Anonymous for the first time feel. When you go through the long weeks and days to give it all you’ve got, it will happen to you just as it happened to me. There is no magic your. There is no magic pill. It is a long process. It will happen and does happen. It is so much better than staying in a dark hole and not getting anything out of life. No longer could I blame this one or that one for causing me pain. I know that it was me that was beating myself up.  I was unequipped to handle the problems of my life without the Higher Power, without the tools and material to build a better life which I received from Depressed Anonymous.

I also had to get my priorities straight. But it didn’t happen that way. I just found a different way to go about it. And getting my priorities straight, I discovered that if a person does accept me the way I am, then that doesn’t matter. I’m going to do the best I can. If someone else can’t  handle that, I’m awfully sorry about that, but it has to be. I want everyone to approve of  me, but I’m just not going to do that. I’m not going to please everyone. I have got to take care of myself. I was so busy trying to please everyone else that I wasn’t taking care of my own needs. At the time I was doing it, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. Now I won’t  deliberately hurt anyone else, but I’m going to take care of myself.

Helen

——————————————————————-

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 145-148.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

These two works, the HOME STUDY KIT,  is a coordinated  process which utilizes both books to help that person who wants to dig deeper into   areas of depression and will provide   an understanding of what depression is. and how to deal with it on a personal basis.

For more information about the HOME STUDY KIT, please VISIT THE STORE where both books can be ordered online.

 

Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Isolation, Purpose, Serenity, The 12 Steps

In telling my story I feel hopeful!

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It would not seem like a big deal to share our experience with depression at a Depressed Anonymous mutual aid support group. But the surprise comes as we share our own personal journey with others.   We discover that no one drops out of their seats as they hear a new member  tell of their suicide attempts, or the   shame and guilt over the  crazy things I have done in  the past.

There is a freedom that accompanies our story telling because we are hearing ourselves share very personal  things about our past. Once we get started sharing our story   we may feel that we  are letting ourselves be vulnerable.

In our Depressed Anonymous Big Book, 3rd edition, we hear the author tell us the following.

“Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional  potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives jinxed.”

And here is the surprise  I referred to earlier: there is no criticism of what we share.  Everyone in the group thanks us for sharing our  story. We now know that most of the fellowship have experienced some of the same behaviors and feelings themselves at one time or the other. In fact,  their stories and mine have much in  common.  They have no difficulty in seeing themselves in my account of a lifetime of depression. I feel  affirmed. I no longer feel alone. I know I am among friends and among those who are walking  the same  path as myself. We are all in this recovery effort together.

In the Depressed Anonymous Workbook we read the following:

“Have you noticed that you are spending less and less time alone and more time with others in the fellowship and the fellowship grows among you and others that you have met in Depressed Anonymous?”  Let’s just say that our thoughts and feelings are now solution focused  – whereas all we could think about before was how awful we feel. We believed that we  are at the end of our rope.    If there is no meeting in your community, you can use our HOME STUDY KIT which will take you through each Step and it’s commentary (Big Book)  while the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  asks  some very valuable  questions for you to answer as you move through  your recovery program.

For more on this HOME STUDY KIT,    please visit our Literature store at this site. You can also order Depressed Anonymous material online.

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed  Publications. Louisville.

These  two works form our HOME STUDY KIT and can be ordered as a single unit.

 

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Hope, The 12 Steps

I refuse to run from what I feel

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AFFIRMATION

I will be in touch with my feelings throughout the day. I refuse to run from what I feel.

“The ability to experience one’s feelings without resisting or running from them, determines to a large degree whether a person is healthy are not.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I’m going to make a real effort today to do what I see works for depressed persons like myself. They all say that the longer they are in the program (Depressed Anonymous) , the more feelings they are able to express and the less the unpleasant feelings of fear dominates their life. I am finding that by writing my feelings down, the less frightening they seem to be to me. I am now able to deal head on with my feelings.

My addiction was a way of walling off my pain. In time, I became addicted to the pain and in doing so, I lost myself in the process. I find this experience to be a freeing one.

My addiction was a way of walling off pain. Now the pain is more important than what I am running away from.

What I experience in my life determines to a large extent what I predict life to become. My past experiences are predictors of a life not as yet lived. I am wanting to experience the fact that my good days are more frequent now and my bad days occurring not as often.

MEDITATION

God, the more I give up my need to be depressed the more I’m finding that I’m becoming more assertive and truly present to others in my life. I want you to help me feel my feelings and express them today. [ADD YOUR OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS HERE]

SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowships. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Acceptance, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

Let’s Get Real – The “Snap Out Of It” Advice Doesn’t Get It!

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Let’s get real!  How often do we hear people who’ve   never been depressed  tell people depressed to just “snap out” of their depression? Answer? Too many times.

In our Manual,   Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition  we read  “I don’t believe you can snap out of your depression, or suddenly   and dramatically get your life turned around by going to one Depressed Anonymous meeting, or reading the  12 steps  five times an hour. It just doesn’t happen that way, especially if you have lived with  your depression for any length of time. Even though we  emphasize  that  depression is not a disease, we do want you to know that depression over a long period of time can cause physical problems and upset the metabolism of the human organism. More and more, doctors see how  positive feelings, attitudes and emotions can help cancer patients maintain a remission and stay free of a recurring cancer condition. Unpleasant emotions such as fear, anger, resentment, tension and depression all work against recovery.

I would call the sadness  that  has  been with us for as long as we can remember,  a learned way to respond to certain negative stimuli. What you will be doing when you come to a Depressed Anonymous meetings is to get involved in your own healing. You will find other men and women who are struggling with the same pain as you are. You will discover that the first step in coming to grips with depression that won’t  quit is for you to surrender it,  quit fighting it.  Let the God, as you understand God  take over your life and help let it restore you to sanity, peace and understanding of the way in which you can find the path  out of your depression and pain. Depressed Anonymous works if you begin the work of the spiritual program that we’re going to outline in this book.  Depression is a moral problem and as such there needs to be a moral solution,  one part of which is to admit that we are responsible for ourselves and that we can’t blame it on genes, psychological predispositions or one’s spouse or some other situation.  We are going to take charge. We choose to un-depress ourselves. Today! One day at a time!

…But let me warn you — it isn’t easy to do something different from what you have been doing  most of your life. This is especially true when it comes to the way we see ourselves, our world and others. There are no magic pills and no easy answers to bring us immediately out of this inner pain and anguish. It does take time and work.

If you really want to leave behind your painful sadness, the daily tears, and the feelings of worthlessness, then begin now to admit the unmanageable mess of your depression. You have had it with feeling out of control!

That’s the way it is with depression – over the years you get comfortable with feeling miserable, which doesn’t mean you like it, but that you’re just too afraid to risk doing something different. When you want to change and leave your depression behind, the choice that you want to make is immediately dashed to the ground because you  feel there is no hope for you. “I can’t pull myself up by my bootstraps and start to feel better,” you tell yourself. Most the time, we tell ourselves that we will do it when we feel better. (See reference to” I’ll do it when I feel better”   below). Folks, let me tell you something – you will never feel better until  you begin to physically get moving! We all know that we feel better only when we get into gear and get busy – distracting ourselves  from those ever present miserable  thoughts which whisper how bad we are and how hopeless life seems to be.”

_______________________________________________________

SOURCES: (c)Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pgs. 31-32.

(c) I’ll will do it when I feel better. (2015) Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002)(Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE STORE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON DEPRESSION AND THE HEALING POWER OF THE 12 STEPS.

ALSO LEARN HOW TO USE THE HOME STUDY KIT FOR YOUR  PERSONAL RECOVERY PLAN OF ACTION!

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Hope, Journaling, Love, The 12 Steps

Being depressed means isolation

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How do I know if I’m depressed?

“Being depressed means isolation – and being cut off from everybody and everything.  It is like being in prison, like a pit where the walls are like soft clay and I cannot climb out. To me the isolation is pre-hell and often I feel so dead inside.  There is an awful feeling, that hole in my soul which is like a clenched fist.   I don’t know where to turn with all the pain and hurt. I can’t imagine anyone hurts the way I do and I hope no one does. I would never want to inflict this pain on anyone, so I tried to hold it inside and it seems like it’s too much to bear, especially alone. This is where Depressed Anonymous comes in – this is where powerlessness and God come in. There was no one to help, even to try to understand before Depressed Anonymous. No one wanted my pain  and others started  to avoid me.  I understand better now, especially since I’ve been around Depressed Anonymous via Hugh and the book Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition and the journaling I’ve done. My hope is that I will be more at peace and will try to use the  specific tools which continue to be  great helps in overcoming depression while  giving me  hope —  just for today.”

Source:  Mary C, Sterling Heights, Michigan.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Visit the Store for more information on Depression and the use of the 12 Steps.

Acceptance

If there is a God, let Him show Himself!

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“When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.

My depression deepened  unbearably, and finally it seemed to me as though I were at the very  bottom of the pit.  For the moment, the  last vestige of my proud obstinacy  was crushed.  All at once I found myself crying out, “If there is a God, let him show himself! I am ready to do anything, anything.!”

Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. It seemed to me, in the mind’s eye, that I was on a mountain  and that a wind not of air but of spirit was blowing.  And then it burst upon me that I was a free man. Slowly the ecstasy  subsided. I lay on the bed,  but now for a time I was in another world,   a new world of consciousness.  All about me and through me there was a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, “So this is the god of the preachers!”

SOURCE:  Bill W., As Bill Sees It.  Page 2.  “In God’s Hand.”  (The above quote is from Alcoholics Anonymous, P.100.)

Acceptance, Mindfulness

I have learned that by admitting that I am depressed is my key which unlocks the door

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AFFIRMATION

I will let  go of the negative thoughts about myself as soon as I am conscious that I am experiencing them.

“…try to live one day at a time. We know from past experiences that our sobriety, our disappearance  of sadness is due to letting go, admitting my powerlessness over my sadness and turning it over to my Higher Power  and letting it take care of my sadness. I can’t do anything to remove my compulsive behavior until I choose to live with out.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know that I have to work on myself and the way that I speak to myself on an on going and daily basis.  My letting go and letting God take over my life doesn’t mean that that I’ll just sit back and let God do all the work, no, it means that I will work on my self and leave the outcome up to my Higher Power.   I know that my life can be lived differently. if I just make an effort to choose to be conscious of the thoughts that I let myself ruminate and think about during the day.  The more I monitor   my thoughts, the more I am able to filter out the negative thoughts and  have them replaced.

So often when I am depressed  I continue a thinking style that was learned as a small child.  I am not even conscious as to how I would always select the negative attributes about myself to reflect upon instead of attempting to think positive and hopeful thoughts and about myself and my relationships. The more I believe that I have a choice as to how I am to feel, the more I become conscious of the thoughts that influence the way that I feel.

MEDITATION
God, just let us for today, dwell on your mercy and kindness that you desire to bestow on us. We pray that our awareness of your love for us will free us from sadness.”

SOURCE:  Copyright (c) HIGHER THOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. (1993, 1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Page 248.

Acceptance, Addiction, Fellowship, Meditation, Prayer, Purpose, Spirituality, Step 01, The 12 Steps

A Rock In A Rocky Sea Which We All Hold Onto

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“Remarkable things happen to us when we are willing to admit defeat and talk about our powerlessness over our depression and how our lives had become unmanageable. This first step is the beginning of the flight of steps that takes us up and into our new way of living.  At our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous we talk hope, we act hopeful, and we think hope. We learn that our thinking depressed and negative  thoughts might have gotten us in the shape that we are in today.  What you think is what you become. For us who find sadness our second nature, we at times continue to revert to the comfort of old familiar negative thinking and are in  actuality returning to self destructive activity. Hope is overcome by  sadness.

When we become convinced that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, we found ourselves turning many times during a twenty four hour period to that power.  It is a rock in a rocky sea that we all hold onto when we find it easier to just give up and sadden ourselves instead of facing the storm and living through the fear. What Bill W., said about the alcoholic applies equally to the saddict: “He or she can settle for mediocrity and self-satisfaction even though this may indeed prove to be a precarious perch. Or he/she can choose to go on growing in greatness of spirit and action.”

You never stop using and following the steps of the program. We are  in recovery all our lives. You don’t graduate. When we return to saddening ourselves, we return to the old compulsion that can again reduce us to that bankrupt individual who is bereft of peace and hope. We want to grow in the conviction that the Higher Power will restore us to sanity. One of the best ways to grow out of our  saddiction  is to start acting the healer instead of being the passive victim.  We are under the care of no one except our God.

This spiritual awakening is enhanced even further when we make a decision to turn our wills and our minds over to the care of God. Without a doubt this is a very big step for many people to trust anybody – and now especially to trust a God who they have spent a lifetime fearing. It is this decision which allows us to feel freedom when  we start to practice the daily turning over of our will to God. It frees us up and as we pray and listen in our meditation times, we find that our spiritual capacity to connect with the Higher Power is greatly magnified.”

SOURCE:  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 107.

_________________

” It has to be that what one believes is what one can become. Actually it is a self fulfilling prophecy  that how we conceive of our self is what we can become. This having a dream and setting out some life goals can lead to a life filled with hope and promises.  And for those of us who take our 12 Step fellowship seriously and stay actively involved one day at a time, soon discover the joy and serenity that this spiritually rich recovery program provides.”

SOURCE: I’ll do it when I feel better. (2016) Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY. Page 85.