Category Archives: Courage

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Focus, Helpful, Hope, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, The Promises

I will try to improve my understanding of my behavior

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LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND: 12 DECSIONS

“DECISION 7: I WILL TRY TO IMPROVE MY UNDERSTANDING OF MY BEHAVIOR.”

All actions have consequences. and they are usually different from what we expect.

In a situation where we want our cake and eat it too, we always try to have both, but we learn that in trying to get both, we lose both.

If you are to improve your skills in understanding people, in order to rid your loneliness, working out the consequences OF what you and others do, is extremely important.

You really have to develop more flexible ways in dealing with the consequences when the consequence is anger.”

TOMORROW DECISION 8: I WILL BE MORE ACCEPTING OF OTHER PEOPLES ANGER AND NOT TAKE It PERSONALLY.”

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Choice, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fear, Fellowship, Focus, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Mutual Aid, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 11

Leaving Loneliness Behind (2)

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(2.) I WILL TAKE THE RISK AND APPROACH OTHER PEOPLE.
Most times we get along with people and try and help people when we can. We know that many people mean well.
Most people are not so dangerous that you fear them. Crimes happen between people who know each other.

When you decide to risk approaching people, accepting an invitation to do an activity together.DO IT! Taking part in a sport–going on a group hike together –meeting after a church gathering or meeting for a cup of coffee–just risk it and do it. Make a friend. To make a friend you have to be a friend. Or join a self-help group. Depressed Anonymous is such an example of meeting people like yourself.
Risking approaching other people, you will find, is worth it.

Tomorrow:LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND. BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS.
(3) I DON’T EXPECT INSTANT RESULTS, OR RESULTS COMMENSURATE WITH THE EFFORT THAT I HAVE MADE.

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Belief, Choice, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Focus, Higher Power, Hope, Positivity, Purpose, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 04

Detour – Taking a different way home

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Step Four

“MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES.”

“Let’s Just say that you always took path A home from work everyday. You passed the same old signs, the same old buildings, the same old malls–you feel you could almost drive home with your eyes closed. This is of course boring, and also deadening to our thinking processes as we do everything out of habit. The saying is true that we are creatures of habit. But let’s just say, for example, that a detour sign pops up along our old familiar path -we become disoriented – we become confused. We say to ourselves-Where am I? Now where do I go? Good questions.” The inventory will ask questions of you which you may never have asked of yourself.

“But we have figured out that even though my path home is very predicable, it is still a path that is gradually incapacitating my ability to keep a focus on hopeful outcomes.” We need to be awakened out of our routine. The daily grind is putting our mind to sleep.

Let’s take an example taken from the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, which presents us with a metaphor, on how an inventory will become a critical part of our personal recovery. The 4th and 5th Steps in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, includes questions dealing with our lives, while detailing areas which have been influenced by our everyday feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair.The inventory questions, prepared in the 4th and 4th Step chapters of the Workbook, (all 12 chapters are in a question and answer format) will provide for us some surprising pieces of positive information about ourselves that will be recovered from examining some of our past life issues. (Don’t forget to share all the good things that you like about yourself.)

We have mentioned how working the 4th Step Recovery Program is like coming home a different route. We will take the detour (inventory) which will help us get back on the right path. That is why, our inventory work, puts us on a different path for living. We are fitted with a new hope. We will quickly learn how doing or not doing what we always used to do, is NOT working.

By using the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, with its 12 Step questions, accompanied with our personal answers, can provide us, with a gradual process of self-understanding, self-awareness, and emotional healing. These positive thoughts and feelings about ourselves, continue to manifest as a direct result from our personal answers to Workbook questions and our hard work on ourselves. We find that we are able to live with hope the more we commit ourselves to our recovery work. Our mind continues to put a “spotlight” on these negative concerns which keep us from a life lived with hope and peace. In time, the fog in our brain will gradually be lifted. We will begin to see ourselves and future in a positive light.

Path B, points us in a different direction from where we were used to going. And for many of us, this is the first time that we are intent upon taking a good and hard look at who we are. Taking an inventory, looking at the negatives as well as all the strengths that are ours, helps us to give a gratitude for all the good areas of our life that are beginning to awaken in us and continue to take root. These awakenings are the new and fresh beliefs about ourselves and our inner world that is gradually being created.

In the 4th Step of recovery, we are ready to “make a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.” The inventory method will help us, as we take take a little time each day, reflecting on how we think about ourselves, while discovering reasons why our “mistaken beliefs” about ourselves, has gotten us to the place where we are today. This motivates us to get into action. We make a decision to change the way we live out our daily lives. We want to be fearless in uncovering any and all rocks, that have blocked our path in the past. We will begin to take action and we will possess a new courage, taking care of business.

We must look the beast in the face. I pray that the “God of your understanding” will lead you to where the light of love shines bright and where the darkness is swallowed by hope and love of self.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

For more information on the Workbook, and other literature which can be helpful, please check out the Webpage (Depressedanon.com) at the DA Literature Store

Copyright(c) Depressed Annoynous Workbook Depressed Anonymous Publications. (2002) Louisvllle, KY. Pages 22-24.

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Community building, Courage, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Purpose, Service, Step 12

Service in Recovery

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Today I’m truly grateful to be able to do service in my 12 step fellowships. Especially in DA, which has done so much for me. But I didn’t always feel that way about service! At first, I was very scared to make a commitment to chair a meeting. How could I, someone suffering from depression, someone unable to function successfully in daily life, someone who didn’t know if I could get out of bed or not on a particular day, how could I possible make a commitment to chair a meeting? Well, the group supported me and said “we’ll be here if you can’t make it. Just let us know! And we applaud you for being willing!” So I agreed. I also faced technology challenges. At the time the DA meetings were using Skype and I didn’t know how to use that platform (or any online meeting platform, for that matter).  So on a day and a time when a meeting was not going on, I logged on and pretended to chair a meeting. I went for a practice run to learn the technology. I asked someone for help, and they helped me. I faced my fears and I showed up for the first meeting that I volunteered to chair. I stumbled. But the meeting went on, and no one died! I made a mistake and it was okay.

I had feelings of anxiety, but I walked away with an inkling of a sense of purpose. So I kept chairing, and that sense of purpose increased. I started going to business meetings, and they needed people to do service there too. So I volunteered. As I continued, I felt more useful and my confidence grew.

The point I’m trying to make is that doing service has greatly helped my recovery! I learn lessons here in DA that I’m applying to other areas of my life. I’m growing. That is one of my goals – to stay green and growing. Doing service gives me that opportunity. And the icing on the cake is that doing service allows us to help DA as a whole and ensure that DA will be there for others who need it, just like I needed it and still need it.

In closing, the Responsibility Statement, revised for DA:

“I am responsible – when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of DA always to be there, and for that: I am responsible.”

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Choice, Courage, Depressed Anonymous, Focus, Helpful, Isolation, Powerlessness, Supportive Actions, Victim Thinking

The Path and the Holes

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I was walking down a path and I encountered a 40-foot hole. I fell in. The hole was very deep, dark, dirty and miserable.  I was all alone.  I looked around and saw no way out.  So I stayed there.  I made a bed out of the dirt, and sought comfort in the hole. And I stayed there longer.  After a long while, I was rescued.  I eventually got out, and continued down the path.

I walked along the path and I encountered a 30-foot hole. I fell in.  The hole was deep, dark and miserable. I was all alone.  I saw no way out. I stayed there.  I eventually was rescued, and I continued along the path.

I walked along the path and found a backpack labeled “DA.”  I picked up the backpack and put it on.

I walked along the path and I encountered a 25-foot hole. I fell in.  The hold was deep, dark and miserable. I had a backpack with me.  I unpacked the tools and I did not know how to use them. I tried, and I eventually climbed out of the hole. I continued along the path.

I walked along the path and I encountered a 10-foot hole. I fell in.  The hole was mid-sized, dim, and miserable. I had a backpack with me.  I unpacked the tools and had an idea how to use them. I climbed out.  I continued along the path.

I walked along the path and I encountered a 5-foot hole. I fell in.  The hole wasn’t very deep, but it was miserable. I had a backpack with me.  I unpacked my tools and used my favorite ones. I climbed out. I continued along the path.

Today, I walk along the path and I encounter shallow holes that I fall in.  I have my backpack with tools I know how to use.  I use them and I climb out.

And I continue along the path.

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12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Choice, Community building, Courage, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Helpful, Hope, Mutual Aid, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03

In helping others, I helped myself. Gloria’s story.

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” I remember my first night at a Depressed Anonymous meeting. It was the 6th of June, 1985. I went into the room of people I didn’t know and was afraid, I wondered what it would be like and sat at the back of the room so that I could leave if I wanted to. I was withdrawn with the pain of depression, so I knew I wouldn’t open my mouth to these people I didn’t know. The man in charge took me out to another room and asked me a few questions. I found out later it was to see if I needed medical care. When it came my turn to talk at the group of nine people, I refused. Everyone had a very sad story to tell. When I came home, I decided that I didn’t need any more sadness, so I wouldn’t return the next Thursday night. I didn’t. However, the next Thursday, I was ready To
go try again.

After my fourth Thursday, I opened up a little. I didn’t trust these people yet. As the Thursdays past, I became more relaxed and realized they could become good friends to me. I felt a closeness to these people, and I always liked helping others, so I opened up more and more.

After meetings we would go to a restaurant for coffee and food. One night I was laughing and talking, and our counselor in charge said “Gloria you have opened up like a rose. Petal by petal you have opened up.” Well, I felt special and very good inside. It had been a lot of work, and it was noticed by him. I felt proud.”
-Gloria’s story is continued tomorrow here at the blog.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous Publications. THIRD EDITION. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 140.

You can find 30 other positive recovery stories and literature at Depressedanon.com. See The Depressed Anonymous Bookstore. You can order online.

A new publication by DAP is their new manual, Dep-Anon, a 12 step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed. This book is also available at the bookstore.

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12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Choice, Courage, Ego Deflation, Faith, Fellowship, Higher Power, Mutual Aid, Prayer, Purpose, Service, Supportive Actions

Acceptance that “we are partners in a common effort”

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How wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be.

Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted, solved with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things, these are the satisfactions of right living for which no pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions could possibly be substitutes.

SOURCES
The Twelve and Twelve/Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Ny, NY.
–Quoted in DEP-ANON: A 12 Step Recovery Program for Families and Friends of the Depressed. DAP. Louisville, KY 40241. Pages 14-15.

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Choice, Courage, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Supportive Actions

Asking for help – my responsibility and my privilege

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I’ve learned that asking for help is so important in this program and in my life.  Reaching out for help when I’m hurting can be a really hard thing to do.  Reaching out and asking for help anytime can be hard – but especially when I’m in a bad place.  Pain, however, is the great motivator.  When I’m in enough pain, I know what my solution is.  Pick up the phone and call someone.  Ask for help.  Ask for a sponsor.  Call my sponsor and take suggestions. Talk to my Higher Power, surrender my will, and ask for my Higher Power’s help.  There are people in this fellowship who understand me and will support me.  It is such a blessing to be a part of a fellowship where encouragement and support is freely given.  All I have to do is be willing to reach out and ask for help.

Why do I need to ask for help?  Many reasons.  My best thinking got me here.  What I mean is that my best thinking brought me to the point of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and the inability to function.  Clearly, there is something wrong with my thinking.  I am a depressive, or a saddict. My first thought tends to be a negative one.  Left to my own devices and my own thinking, I sadden myself.  But now that I know this, I can reach out and ask for help.

Self-sufficiency has failed me. It’s an old and well engrained idea of mine – the philosophy of self-sufficiency.  The idea that I should be able to solve all my problems myself.  The question I need to ask myself is “how well did that work for me”?  In my case, it led to self-destruction and severe depression.  This program has introduced me to the concept of God reliance, or Higher Power reliance, or even fellowship reliance.  The idea of relying on a Power greater than myself.  That idea works for me.  It gives me hope, better days, connection with others, and a way out of depression.  But to do that – to get help – I’ve got to ask for help.  That is my responsibility and my privilege.

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Acceptance, Courage, Helpful Thinking, Kindness, Love, Serenity, Spiritual Heroes, Spirituality, Supportive Actions

Be kind anyway…

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People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be Kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true friends.
Succeed anyway.
If You are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good that you do today, people will forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best that you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.
You see, in the final analysis. it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

– Mother Teresa of Calcutta

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Choice, Courage, Focus

Doing what you can, even if it is really small

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My depression wants me to wallow in doing nothing. I want to crawl into the Bill cave and let the world pass me by.

If I give into that thought completely I am doomed to remain in the pit of my depression. I must take action! What if I don’t have the motivation? Well I don’t need to muster up the energy and motivation to do the grand projects. Maybe my house is an utter pig sty and I really should fully clean my house. That’s OK – start small. Perhaps all you need is a small self push of picking up all the dirty dishes in your house and bringing them to the kitchen. If you’re feeling inspired perhaps scrape the leftovers from the plates into the garbage. Tell yourself that you are going to load the dishwasher in an hour. Two hours from now you’ll wash the pots and pans.

You don’t need to do it all right now. You don’t need to undertake all the work of recovery right now. All you need to do is to take action on the small thing in front of you. Remember you don’t climb a mountain in a single small step. Climbing a mountain is done a step at a time. Sometimes looking at the peak while we are in the valley is overwhelming. Believe me, I’ve been there. Don’t focus on how far the peak is. Just be mindful of your surroundings and where you are going to place your next step. Then take that step, then the next. Eventually you will be at the peak. The pit of the depression will be behind you.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
– Tao Te Ching

Yours in recovery, Bill R

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