Category Archives: Fellowship

12 Step Meeting, Community building, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Positivity, Purpose

Crosstalk: What is it and Why we don’t do it at Meetings

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Come to Depressed Anonymous meetings and you will hear “there is no crosstalk at this meeting but members can comment directly to speakers in the chat.” The online dictionary says: Crosstalk is giving advice, criticizing or making comments about what others have already shared; questioning or interrupting the person speaking or talking while someone is sharing. Another definition which is exceedingly compelling is crosstalk is described as “casual conversation.”

What do we talk about at Depressed Anonymous meetings? There is quite a broad spectrum through the challenges and positivity, deep heartfelt experiences/feelings. We “tell on ourselves” revealing things that we would rather not be known of us yet, that is a power in dissolving shame and fear. Simple listening becomes a blessing of insights and enlightenment, simply by hearing each other. We talk “program talk” and that is not casual conversation. We learn to live one-day-at-a-time. It is not easy though it has been called “simple.” To turn the page on negativity, low energy, despair, hopelessness and choose gratitude, action and positivity is definitely not easy. Yet we are rewarded with the prospect of continuing future growth, freedom from depression. Oh, it may most certainly not be every day and moment but we hear and learn, learning as children do by repeating for our own selves what we hear has worked for our companions. We get a boost, a glimmer: “What a relief, I can get better.” After all, we come here to get better, to learn and practice the tools and develop skills to get better. Then we get to reveal the true person we really are and shed the mistaken identity falsely projected onto the screen of our minds by Depression. And the one price of admission: the desire to stop saddening ourselves. The sharing we hear may be baffling, intense, stressful. There may be heartbreak, trauma. But here we divide our sorrows and when we share our victories and gains, we double our joys. Because we are witnessed and witnessing with open hearts, with loving attention and care. That is the DA Difference, to meet each other with open hearts, loving attention and care. We see each other improving, we see ourselves with time and patience and practice, improving. We hear “I haven’t been depressed since coming to DA…” “I come to meetings, work the steps, I got a sponsor… I am getting better too.”

These are not casual conversations. No No! these are sacred words of truth, hope, light, love spoken then integrated in mind-heart-spirit. Individually and collectively, we improve. Sooner and later, we improve.

This sharing is not casual conversation. We mute ourselves when not speaking and even though we may heartily agree with what is being said, there is no “yes,” “Ah-ha,” “mmm.” There is no murmuring, no background noise because to glimpse and catch Higher Power’s idea for ourselves, well, these are flashes of silent-robed listening, devoted conscious attention.

We are hearing brilliant and commonplace miracles, they may be cloaked in tedium. Spirit is expressing through each one. With that comes great hope, great empathy, great informing of heart-mind-soul. There is IGNITION. Aeronautically speaking, “We have liftoff, Houston.” With each other, our meetings, our Twelve Steps, we spark the will to live as our true selves. We receive Grace, we Surrender, we take the Action and our stories of the miracles of living 24-four-hour days each day arise. Get ready: Hope is stoked, The Lights are On. We shine for ourselves, we shine for each other.

Doreen K, in Boston, MA January 2025

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship

Third Depressed Anonymous Conference announcement

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The Third Depressed Anonymous Conference will be held on Saturday 14 September 11:00am-4:00pm ET.

Same Zoom link. The conference will preempt the normal 12:30pm ET meeting.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/8515933239?pwd=YlhQMW5RdVRwUzJWTzRJT0IwdU4rQT09

Theme: Using Mutual Support to move towards Courage to Change

We are looking for volunteers to chair each session. A decision will be made early September who will be speaking.

Send your name or nominations to Bill – [email protected]

12 Step Meeting, Act As If, Belief, DA Literature, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, Meditation, Purpose

The Bright Light of Hope

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If we have worked the 12 Steps on a daily basis, we now realize the value of surrender and the power that releases in us, just by making a decision in Step Three to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God” is the beginning of reconnection with life and ourselves. It is in the group that the depressed person begins trusting their members where they have admitted that their lives are unmanageable, and that they have made a conscious decision to turn their lives over to God, or the Higher Power. The Twelve Step program helps people to become God conscious. It is in working the program while making no excuses for the spiritual nature of our recovery, we can begin to attribute our new-found sense of hope and peace to the Higher Power. For the active member of Depressed Anonymous there begins to glimmer in the distance, the bright light of hope.

Submitted by Janet M.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Community building, Fellowship, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Honesty, Mutual Aid, Powerlessness, Serenity, The 12 Steps

The Real Deal

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One of my favorite TV shows is the Antique Roadshow. Every piece of furniture, painting, pottery, etc., brought to the show, has its own unique history. Each piece is appraised as to its present value by professional art dealers. That is the basis of the show, to help people discover how much that old letter, old painting or anything else that they bring to the show. seeking its worth. They can discover if their painting is an original, the real deal, or just a copy, or even a forgery. It is rare that an original masterpiece is ever discovered. Even so, there are times when a very valuable piece is discovered. People who come to show their articles, know that they can at least find out if they have something of value.

In ancient Rome, there were many sculptors, who sculpted pieces of artistic beauty. At times, when a sculptor’s chisel took too much granite off his work of art, he would cover his mistake with wax. So, if an artist wanted to sell his piece of art, it had to be noted that the piece was sincere, that is, without wax. No covering up mistakes.

So when I say that I am sincere, I am telling you that I am telling the truth. I am telling you that there is no coverup in what I am saying. (sine cera in Latin = without wax). In other words, it’s the real deal.

In our recovery program, Depressed Anonymous, we thrive by being sincere. We learn that it is when we admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable, that we began to thrive and freed ourselves from the prison of depression.

Please come and join us in this Depressed Anonymous Fellowship. It is here where we can share our past mistakes and shortcomings – and our strengths – no more wax jobs – and find peace abd strength with folks just like ourselves.

DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS
Our website at DEPRESSEDANON.COM, will provide you with all necessary information, directing you to our online daily ZOOM meetings. We offer two meetings a day. You are always welcome!

HUGH S., for the DA Fellowship

12 Step Meeting, Anger, Anxiety, Belief, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Grief, Higher Power, Journaling, Negativity, Purpose, The 12 Steps

When you’re depressed all you’re interested in is survival – Dorothy Rowe

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THE ORIGINS of MISTRUST

I want to share with you how Dr. Fitzgibbons, a psychiatrist, provides examples how our lack of trust can originate in early childhood. Patterns of isolating behavior and negative thinking, grow strong in a home environment where the child is not loved and nurtured.

Dr. Fitzgibbons, tells us “that the seedbed of mistrust resides in childhood. Many times this lack of trust, of others and ourselves and the world around us, may have begun with the loss of a parent, sister, brother, or a close friend. A serious illness in a parent, sibling or oneself can be the cause of depression. Many times mistrust comes about because of an alcoholic parent so that a child never knows if a drunken loved one is coming home, or in an angry drunken stupor. Anger and rejection by caregivers and/or peers can also have an effect on the ability to trust. Parental divorce or separation can have an effect on a child. Also a cold distant, and unloving parent can have a negative effect on a child. Add to this, a legacy of mistrust and fear in the family will negatively influence a child. Finally, poverty may also be a cause of mistrust”

Brenda, (not her real name ) shares with us some of her own story:

“I have often reflected on how a lack of trust in myself and in others, had a crippling effect on my early childhood development. It was only until I began examining my own childhood, later in life, that I discovered reasons for my mistrust of others. I accomplished these discoveries by getting in touch with those early negative feelings that constantly bombarded my everyday thinking. Most of these early feelings remained unconscious and hidden, until I started to examine my childhood relationships, especially with those significant others who were my caregivers.”

By utilizing the Depressed Anonymous Workbook with its’ 12 STEP COMMENTARY, and questions, directed toward one’s early life experiences, special attention was centered on those caregivers and significant others in one’s family, who, charged with caregiving, to provide the child with the love that a child deserves. For many children, who grew up in a home environment, filled with anger, parental arguing, and violence, made it impossible for a child to defend themselves against such abuse, including mental, sexual, and physical abuse. Some children create fantasy worlds, some with imaginary friends, with whom they can confide in and feel secure in a home environment where chaos reigns.

In our Depressed Anonymous fellowship, we can begin to open up to group members, giving us that opportunity to share and trust, others, who are like ourselves. We happily discovered that we are now no longer alone. Most of us come to our program of recovery, looking to find help, and that welcome relief from the daily crippling burden of depression, which has forced us to isolate from others, believing that we are not good enough.

Earlier, Dr, Fitzgibbons has listed some of the major causes of our childhood depression, and we can resonate with them within our hearts and minds. And in your moments of personal quiet and reflection, celebrate who you are and not who others say you are.

So get a notebook, and begin to write down your answers to those questions in the DA Workbook, which hold meaning for your own personal life and recovery, to which you can relate. Share your DA Workbook with your therapist, sponsor or friends in Depressed Anonymous at the ZOOM meetings online, and/or face to face meetings.

So now, not only will you be a survivor, you will no longer be a victim of those circumstances, which made you believe that you were worthless, unlovable and unacceptable. Progress, not perfection.

By completing my Fourth Step inventory, it became possible to uncover those areas of my early life which made trusting an impossibility. As mentioned earlier, and later into my early adult life, it was my own spiraling downward, into the darkness of depression, the only thing that I could think of was my survival. I was desperate to stop the descent into the darkness and physical pain. I knew that I must get active, preventing my paralyzing desire to take comfort in sleep and shut out the world.

My life is very different now. I continue to take inventory of my life on a daily basis and I finally believe in myself and the Higher Power that has helped me believe that I have a purpose and a meaning for my life. I also believe in a power that is greater than myself and who continually leads me, everyday, on this wonderful journey of hope! Progress and not perfection.

TRUST IS A FEELING OF BEING SAFE IN RELATIONSHIPS AND IN LIFE.

HUGH S., FOR THE FELLOWSHIP

Fellowship

Personal Stories: DA and Yoga proved a powerful combination …..

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My family immigrated from Kharkiv, Ukraine to the USA in 1992 as refugees. When I came to the United States, it seemed like I came from another planet.  Everything was different: language, mentality, and environment.  It seemed like I lost my identity and I did not belong anywhere.  In New York, I went to college.  However, I became severely depressed during my second semester and was hospitalized for depression.  When I got better, I returned to college and obtained my BA in Liberal Arts and MS in Education.  I wanted to become an elementary school teacher but became interested in school psychology and became a school psychologist for New York City, Department of Education.  The job was so stressful that i was hospitalized for depression and finally quit the job and went on disability.

One day I saw a yoga studio near where I lived.  I didn’t know anything about yoga.  I absolutely loved yoga after the first session.  Yoga helped me tremendously with my depression.  I did yoga in the hospital for myself and the other patients and the nurses.  Then I promised to myself and to God (even though I am agnostic) that I will be teaching free yoga to anyone who wants to learn.

I always searched for a cure for my depression and felt the need of a support group in addition to my psychotherapy and medications, so I was happy when I found DA online.  My first DA meeting was on September 22, 2020.  It’s my first Twelve Step program and I decided to give it a chance.  I thought “I don’t have anything to lose except my misery.”  I was very skeptical at the beginning, because nothing seemed to help my depression.  I couldn’t share anything during my first DA meeting and didn’t have my camera on.  I didn’t purchase DA literature for about a month because I didn’t have money and wasn’t sure if DA would help me after everything I had been through.  To my surprise, after being in DA for two years, I felt I became less depressed.  I didn’t get hospitalized during this time, I made friends by attending daily DA meetings, I was reading DA literature, working the 12 Steps, got a sponsor and joined two co-sponsorship groups.   I found my purpose in life by sharing my story and offering yoga to DA members twice a week.  I still feel anxious and depressed  sometimes but I know that I can use the tools of DA, reach out to my sponsor and DA friends, and count on their support.  I can see a tremendous difference in myself.  In a sense, I “love my depression” now because through it I found the DA community and feel like I finally belong.  I am so grateful to be a DA member and I hope my hard work in DA and my Higher Power (power of DA group, yoga and universal love) will bring me peace and serenity, and I will be able to say one day that I am completely recovered from depression.

Irene S., NYC, October 2023

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Courage, Fellowship, Hope, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Purpose, Spirituality, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03

Depression is a process addiction

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Depression is a process addiction, just as alcoholism is a substance addiction.

A process addiction is when a person is addicted to a particular behavior. When we speak about one addiction, like the process addiction of depression, we can include them all. We are learning that the Twelve Step program of recovery can be used to overcome negative thinking and compulsive/addictive behavior for the person who sincerely wants to get emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy.

Our Depressed Anonymous fellowship is based on a hope that no matter how bad we feel, no matter how isolated we are, or how painful we feel, we do recover.

We discover that all our negative thinking, feeling and behaviors will no longer keep us captive, isolated and in the prison of our depression. We gradually begin to change the way we think and feel, learning how to motivate ourselves, using the Spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps, and begin to get active in our own recovery. Motivation follows action!

The main positive effect of making the Steps an integral part of our daily Lives is that people can come together and find the support of their Depressed Anonymous fellowship. They in turn will find the emotional nurturing acceptance of their group and learn the social skills that can help them gradually enter life again; with hope and a heightened spirit. Once people realize that they are not alone and that they hope that they too will feel better. The beauty of a self-help group is that a person feels acceptance from the group. No one is there to tell them to “snap out of it” or that depression is all in your mind.

Finally, we see our closed system of depression, with its negative addictive thinking, feelings of despair, coupled with those behaviors which keep us afraid and anxious, gradually are being dismantled. We discover that we have choices. We don’t have to stay isolated. Our positive thinking begins to show us a way out of a system that has had us bullied into submission. Our minds are now processing hope and possibilities for a new life of freedom.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

Community building, Courage, Fellowship, Helpful, Purpose, Service, The 12 Steps

Service work is a recovery tool that has its own reward

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“THE MORE THAT YOU HAVE A NEED TO SERVE OTHERS, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR NEED TO BE SERVED.”

The Depressed Anonymous LOGO has these three words written on it: HOPE, SERVICE, FELLOWSHIP. SERVICE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME.

If you are part of a Twelve Step fellowship group, you learn pretty fast about service work. Service is at the center of our recovery. It is the keystone. And, paradoxically, the more we serve others in the fellowship, the more we give to others, the more I am part of living a life filled with hope. When you attain this need to help others, making it your passion, you discover a growing purpose to serve, gradually unfolding in your life.

Let’s say that you came into our fellowship, feeling the hopelessness and helplessness of depression, having lost all hope. You found a fellowship of caring persons. The members do not tell you to “snap out of it.” The group is there because those before them, welcomed them, and let them know there is help. Each of us who are at the meetings today, are getting better, because others are there, willing to serve, in any capacity, using their strengths, hope and experiences,for the service of others. We are not alone. I am not a newcomer, but I am a member who knows, from personal experience, how service from others in the DA fellowship, changed my life. For them, I am grateful.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

Choice, Community building, Fellowship, Gratitude, Prayer, Spiritual Heroes, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 04

The meaning of your life is to help others find the meaning of theirs

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Viktor E. Frankl, in his esteemed book, Man’s Search for Meaning, shares with us how we cannot avoid suffering, but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward.

As I was faced with my own depression, I was able over time to restore sanity and meaning to my life. Eventually, I have learned how to help others who are depressed, cope and come out on the other side of a life lived without meaning. For me personally, I found that essentially, by sharing my own story with others, they found that there was hope. And as they shared their story, they found strength, telling others who they are and what brought them to the point of seeking help.

Having spent time in Nazi death camps, during World War II, Frankl shares his story about spiritual survival. Many of those who faced death in the camps gradually lost faith in a future. They felt that there was nothing to live for, believing they were destined for death anyway.

His book, and his story, inspires us to look at how meaning gave hope to his own life and now my own. The struggle with depression, coupled with that sense of helplessness and hopelessness, brought to life a great awakening when I discovered that there is hope. We can live without depression. Not only have I had a spiritual awakening, I now am able to lead others on a path where they too, can find what I found. I found a spiritual program of recovery, that actually came with tools that gave me answers to my life’s questions. Not only did I learn how to thrive in the present, but to continue thriving day after day.

I am now able to share with others, how the meaning for my life comes by helping others find meaning for theirs. When you thrive, We thrive.

So, become aware, get motivated, gear up for action, and maintain a gratitude for how your own meaning for life is sustaining your hope everyday.

Hugh